Revenge

A dark Vindictive protagonist plots revenge on the docter who inadvertant caused the death of his girlfriend.

Revenge.

I have waited a long time for this. Hour upon hour that stretched endlessly and days upon days where every palpable second could be counted on the hand of a clock before me. I know in reality that it has only been a brief moment in time, gone in a blink. But it was as if every fibre of my body and being had come to live for this moment. When the pieces would finally fall together and revenge would be mine.

The events of the past, what he had done was unforgiveable, and for it he must be punished. The knowledge clawed at my heart and soul, an inferno of definitive certainty. I knew that I would never rest -could never rest until things were finally made right. An eye for an eye, a life for a life.

Shrouded in a blanket of darkness I waited in the park. It was the night of her untimely demise, torn from this world by a man she had trusted. The memory was fresher than the earth of a recently turned grave. Ivory white teeth quickly flashed in the translucent moonlight to form a grimace.

Uncontrollable white hot rage and disgust filled my heart "unable to entertain thoughts of how she had placed her trust into the hands of a doctor with ice cold picks and shards for instruments that had probed and invaded her soul sending it dejected and screaming into an icy wasteland faster than her star crossed fortune could have ever intended. Shadows that hovered around the park began to flicker, distort and thicken as the moonlight became obscured by angry black clouds. All that mattered was that the doctor was the sole culprit. And that I was going to make sure that he would soon be sharing the same fate.

The night had been quiet, until now. I had been standing, imprisoned in a cage of my own thoughts for hours. My left hand was beginning to freeze to a temperature that closer resembled the ice pit that filled my heart when my ears perked up; Footsteps. Sluggish, laboured and heavy accompanied by thick breathing. They were the steps of the man that I had come to hate.  The doctor. He appeared, a grotesque, overweight abomination panting in fits of short, precious breath that dispersed into the air in small clouds. Dry leaves performed a macabre dance around his feet announcing his arrival to the world, and me. The wind sliced through the trees causing the withered limbs to shake and cry out as if in anticipation.

The moon broke free from the clouds to witness the events unfolding. It shone through the treetops casting an eerie glow.  Quite fitting. Obscured  by the quickly growing darkness I stood rigid, waiting.  My breathing became heavy, and my heartbeat quickened into a crescendo.

When he was within earshot, I called out to him. My voice breaking the silence of the night like a gun shot. He recognised my face, and smiled. A look into his pale watery eyes and pasty complexion filled me with instant repulsion. My face, a stone mask of serenity gave away nothing of the raging fire inside. Little did the insect know of the swift justice that I had yet to deliver, as intoxicated as he was. I could smell the foul stench of liquor and stale peanuts like a sword at the tip of his breath. It sickened me but I kept my resolve. The creature began to babble something incomprehensible with a tongue rotten and black with foul misconduct. The noise fell on deaf ears.

My heart pounded hard in my chest and sweat began to bead on my forehead. This had to be done, for my dear Juliette.  When the doctor was about three paces away, I extracted the gun whose cold hard exterior fit snugly into my buzzing fingers. When he lumbered close enough for me to see the imperfections that encompassed his face, I finally screamed.

The raw emotion that had remained hidden for so long, bubbling near the surface rose in a tide of uncontrollable power filling the air with a charge of electricity. “She was everything to me, she was mine, and you let her die!”  I saw his mouth beginning to form an “O” of protest as it finally dawned on him what was happening. But I didn’t want to hear it. I couldn’t. “You’re a doctor, and you let her slip away!”

My index finger closed in on the trigger, the resounding bang shattering into the night. He fell backwards, the life seeping from his eyes long before his soft skull cracked on the hard concrete.

I looked on, impassive. A tall dark figure, dressed in dark clothes, standing stock still against the night. But as the crimson red slowly began to pool around his lifeless body, I too began to feel drained. The deed was done. I should be ecstatic. But instead, I found myself sobbing. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I could hardly catch my breath. For the first time since Juliette’s death I began to doubt my actions. What would she think of me now?

 

Reviews

[Nusquam Esse]

First of all, this is a great piece of prose, your flow of language in it is descriptive and poetic. However, it is not quite ideal as a story, simply because there comes a point in which you can use too much description that it distracts, and detracts from the story. In this case, you spend so much time describing things, that you fail to really flesh out a story beyond a vague shell of vengeance. As I said, it is great writing, and I enjoyed reading it; but if you ever try writing longer pieces than this, you will need to find that middle ground between strong descriptions and strong content. But as long as your stories are short like this, they should be fine in this style, keeping it to a hybrid form of prose.

[_rukshiaaa_]

Great piece of writing! I really like reading this sort of writing so I enjoyed it a lot! Love the description in the story, but it may be a bit distracting at times!

Good job anyway! Looking forward to read more from you!

[Woody]

gripping read. good descriptions and great choice of words. smooth narrative.

Good story. I like it.

[walkingman117]

Usually, when I read a 'dark' story, I stop reading as soon as I see that it's 'dark'. Your story, tho, I continued on... in part, I think, because of the strength of your writing. It has that certain something.

One part that wasn't clear to me (perhaps would be clear to others?) was what the doctor did... at first I thought maybe he was a kind of Jack-the-Ripper... someone medically trained who murdered on the side. Did the doc follow standard medical procedures? What does the narrator think about this?

Also, why is the doc coming to meet you? Is he expecting to see you? Or just stumbling on you (he thinks)?

As I said, maybe other readers would see answers to those questions.

Overall, a gripping story. :)