Tortured Soul

Tortured Soul

A Poem by Isabelle Faye
"

I just started writing it at midnight because the first stanza suddenly came to me as I was doing something else. I'm afraid the poem doesn't make much sense, I'm sorry.

"

She was never really here anyways,

Always looking for an escape,

Anything she could to get away.

 

I guess she finally found it one day,

All her wandering would pay,

Her life was in disarray.

 

The words I don’t want to say,

The way she took her life away,

Always running from her mistakes.

 

Build her up,

Tear her down,

Watch her crumble to the ground,

No way back,

No way out.

 

Take a mirror and spin it ‘round,

See yourself gazing down,

She looks like you, somehow.

 

The knife that taunts and scars your face,

There’s no way you can escape,

From all the hurt and all the pain.

 

Days will come and they will go,

Time will pass fast and slow,

You try so hard to stay afloat.

 

She was never really here anyways,

Always looking for an escape,

Anything she could to get away.

 

She lived in the past with her mistakes,

The present tense she can’t explain,

To live in the present, to dance with pain.

 

A tightrope thin line she rode,

Wobble one side, go to slow,

Stuck in an all-time low.

 

Well, her world came crashing down,

Turrets tumbling to the ground,

Her mental castle’s breaking now.

 

And with that one, that thin blade,

She decided her fate,

She wasn’t going to stay.

 

Take a mirror and spin it ‘round,

See yourself gazing down,

She looks like you, somehow.

 

Look at the knife, look at the ground,

Look at your arm, blood spurting out.

It’s too late to save you now.


Water and wine become one,

Mixing together, they come undone,

It can’t be stopped once it’s begun.

 

She was never really here anyways,

Always looking for an escape,

Anything she could to get away.

© 2012 Isabelle Faye


Author's Note

Isabelle Faye
What do you think? Does it make sense? Is there anything I could change/improve? I really want feedback on this. I wrote it slightly to the tune of the Coldplay song "Low". I need a title for this as well so any suggestions are welcome. The title I'm using now is a temporary title.

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Reviews

I noticed something that I found very interesting about your poem and was wondering if you did it on purpose.
When reading just the italicized words they seem to explain the flow of emotions.
I like the title. The poem flows nicely and makes perfect sense!
The only line that doesn't appear to fit is the water and wine one. I understand the meaning behind it but it seems out of place, almost like an after thought.
Awesome poem!

Posted 7 Years Ago


Isabelle Faye

7 Years Ago

Actually, I didn't do that on purpose. But after you mentioned it, I looked, and you're right, Maybe.. read more
I really like this. I felt your emotions, emotions that are so familiar to me. It's relatable. It's raw. It's beautifully heart-wrenching. Well done.

For a title? Maybe something simple like 'Absent.'

Posted 7 Years Ago


this is so very sad! Taken line by line, it might not make perfect sense, but read aloud, completely, it's a tragedy in slo-mo. We experience it all- the breakdown, the crashing the slashing, the final bloody tragedy. And the scattered placement of each triplet on the page has its own twirling, swirling thing happening, broken by the quartet. If I were to suggest anything, I'd add another 4-liner somewhere perhaps two stanzas from the end. Another favorite added to my library.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Advertise Here
Want to advertise here? Get started for as little as $5
[send message][befriend] Subscribe
Pax
this is sad...every stanza is like a fragment of a broken soul...like each memories coming together...kinda abstract for what i think...and i may say it well written..
Great Job.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Isabelle Faye

7 Years Ago

Thank you. I'm glad that you like it.
its deep, hardhitting..... its effective

Posted 7 Years Ago


Isabelle Faye

7 Years Ago

Thank you
yes it makes sense and it so sad but well written.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Isabelle Faye

7 Years Ago

I'm glad that it makes sense, I wasn't sure if it did. I'm also glad you like my poem, thanks for th.. read more
I love it and also the zig zag effect makes it more affective because it can be cuts which taggs along with the puicture

Posted 7 Years Ago


Isabelle Faye

7 Years Ago

Thank you.
MusicLover

7 Years Ago

no prob
I think the zigzagging display adds to the effect of the poem.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Isabelle Faye

7 Years Ago

Thank you. To me, it's almost like falling down a stair way. I don't know why I did it, it just seem.. read more
Awesome Job and Rating: 98/100

Posted 7 Years Ago


Isabelle Faye

7 Years Ago

Thank you. Is there anything that you like or disliked in particular about the poem?
Very well written poem. It does go to tune of 'Low' very well. Please hold on for me. the world is tough and fraught with pain. You must tread through these waters though. Please hold on.
It makes a lot of sense.
For a title how about 'Fleeing'? Maybe, maybe not.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Legolas

7 Years Ago

That's all I want you to do is try. Thank you.

That's a good title. Better than 'Fleein.. read more
Isabelle Faye

7 Years Ago

I will try, I can promise you that.

I like your title as well. I'm glad that you like .. read more
Legolas

7 Years Ago

Thank you for trying.

Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

558 Views
10 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 3 Libraries
Added on August 17, 2012
Last Updated on August 18, 2012
Tags: coldplay, low, death, quiet, mirror, depression, cutting

Author

Isabelle Faye
Isabelle Faye

About
Hi! My pen name is Isabelle Faye but you can call me Isabelle or Belle for short. I'm an under 18 year old writer from the United States. I write both poetry and books/novels but the latter tend to pr.. more..

Writing

Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..