Chapter Two (Della Valora)

Della's Point of View

Chapter Two

The last day before winter break was always chaos. No one listened; my ears buzzed the entirety of the day as students chattered about their plans for the next three weeks, but I never heard anything of substance. Not to be a total buzzkill or anything. When the final bell of the day rang, I stayed in my seat. No need to get trampled by antsy teenagers, eager to escape the confines of high school to underage drink and party until the sun rises. But who was I to judge? 

I stood up, slinging my backpack over my shoulder. I heard footsteps approaching from behind me. I turned. Charlie was towering over me, nervously smiling, wringing his hands together. F**k, what now?

“Hey, Charlie,” I sighed, wishing I’d taken the chance of being trampled. 

“Hey, so, uh, I was just gonna ask, uh, I mean- do you need a ride tonight? To the movies, I mean.”

“Uh, I think I’m all covered. Thank you for offering though. I appreciate it. Anyway, see you tonight.” I smiled and took the opportunity to take off down the hall, blending in with the moving crowd. 

Shoving open the large metal exit door with my shoulder, I was assaulted by a harsh, biting wind that immediately nipped at my face. I wrapped my sweater tightly around my body, ducked my head, and walked briskly to my car. The grey clouds above threatened to spill their angry tears. They were swirling, spiraling and I knew it was going to rain tonight. I’d always loved the rain and gloom; I just felt like somehow it was mine. The grey sky was a happy thing for me. It was a symbol of goodness, rather than sadness and doom.  

When I got to my car, I pulled the door open and slammed it quickly behind myself. 

“Hey, Dee.”

I screamed, startled. My body repelled away from the sound involuntarily, head slamming into the window in the process. I let out a sigh of relief when I saw that it was only Wesley that had startled me.

“What the f**k are you doing in my car?” I yelled. Wesley laughed loudly, and I pushed his arm, beginning to break into a laugh myself. “F**k you! You scared me!”

“Sorry, I didn’t know I would scare you. It’s cold outside, and you were taking too long for me to wait,” he responded, still laughing. 

“Why were you waiting for me?” I asked warily, moving my hand to the back of my head where I’d hit it. 

“I’m nervous about tonight.”

“What am I supposed to do about that, Wes?”

“I don’t know! You’re good at outfits and fashion and s**t, right? Keep up.” 

“Uh, sure. Maybe I’d be able to keep up if you didn’t just attempt to scramble my brain.”

He ignored me. “We’re gonna go to your house, and I’ll wait for you to get ready, and then, we’ll drive from there to my house, so you can help me, and that way, your parents have the car for their church thing?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

“Whitney said she’d drive my car home and pick the two of us up an hour before we have to pick up Jade. I know, kinda complicated, but I just want tonight to go well. And I really need my talented best friend to help me out.”

“Flattery’s unnecessary, Wes,” I said, rolling my eyes as I backed out of the school parking lot.

---

Upon arriving at my house, Wesley anxiously hopped out of the car. 

“Let’s get working, Dee,” he said with confidence coating his tone. His face, however, looked kid-like-- nervous. 

We entered the house to my parents leaving. 

“Oh, good. You’re home,” my mother huffed, pulling on her coat and bustling out the door. My father grunted at us, following behind her.

“They’ve stopped acknowledging me,” Wes noted in a hushed voicce, wiping a fake tear from his eye. “I really am part of the family now.”

I scoffed, shoving him a little. “Get ready for the constant ridiculing and judgements.”

“Oh, I am.”

I popped my head out the front door again. “I’m going to the movies with some friends! See you guys when I get back!” I called after my parents. 

“Okay, honey! No kissing any boys!” she shouted, getting into the car. 

No problem, I thought, rolling my eyes. Any thoughts on girls?

I knew that answer though, and I’d known it for years. They had many negative thoughts towards gay people which did not make it easy for me to exist around them. I looked “girly” enough to keep them from questioning my extremely boyfriendless state very often. They were under the impression that I was focusing primarily on my grades and school until I was done with high school. Not entirely untrue; I mean, my grades were great, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t’ve been interested in dating someone. It just sucks that I was into girls. 

My mother and father were both super church-y; my dad had been into the whole religion thing since he was a kid, but my mom only picked up the idea after they got married, more by force, than by choice, I would guess. I had seen pictures of her as a teenager. She looked fun; she had a different color hair in every photo, she went to marches and protests and wore funky clothes, her music taste was all rock and punk before she met my dad. 

Post-Michael Valora’s influence, she gave up her old life. She took up her natural brown hair, straightening it every morning; she went to work every day and spent her time following orders given to her by others. She retired the loud clothing for business casual pencil skirts and blouses. I didn’t often speak to my father because he was generally a quiet and closed off man, but he never failed to voice his opinions on his beliefs. I never felt safe to come to my parents in need of advice or guidance. I never confided in them, ever. 

My younger sister, Brianna, couldn’t seem to grasp the concept of being her own person yet, so she swallowed every bit of the belief system my parents spoon-fed her daily. She was nosy and asked questions too frequently. She was tall for an eleven year old. And loud. She’d just discovered hair dye, and the ends of her shoulder length hair were dyed a harsh shade of purple that in no way blended nicely into the rest of her hair. I worried about her all the time while she accepted all of the things my mother and father taught her were the truth. 

I knew that if I came out to my parents, it wouldn’t go well. I couldn’t imagine how it would go exactly, but I tried not to picture it because it never looked pretty. I every so often worried about being sent to one of those gay reversal therapy camps, being kicked out of my house, or- I didn’t like to think about anything worse than that, although I knew that its possibility loomed. 

My sister, Vanessa, had always been someone I could trust. She was seven years older than me, and for as long as I could remember, she’d been there for me. She didn’t share the views my parents did. She went to a liberal arts college a few miles from home, and she was studying to get a Masters Degree in art. Whenever I needed her, whether it was for a ride, a place to stay (she had her own apartment a few miles away from home), or a shoulder to cry on, I felt comfortable telling her, and I knew she was the first person I would come out to. 

Sometimes, I wondered if Wes ever thought I was into girls. If he thought so, I wouldn’t have been surprised, and if he knew, he didn’t seem impacted by it. Growing up so close to him, I never talked about guys, and I have, on more than one occasion, suggested that we go to Pride. He always asked why I was so insistent, and I always responded with, “Because we don’t have to be gay to support gay people.” You’d think he couldn’t possibly be that oblivious, so I always assumed that he knew on some level. Then again, he was kind of setting me up with Charlie for the movies. 

---

Upstairs in my room, Wesley was laying on my bed, making commentary on every outfit I pulled out of my closet. 

“I don’t know, Dee. It’s not very you to wear a dress.”

I groaned, throwing the dress I was holding in his direction. He laughed, caught it, and tossed it onto the pile of vetoed outfits collecting on my bed. 

“How formal? You’re going on a date,” I demanded, tired. 

“I don’t know. Not too formal, not too casual,” he said, shrugging. 

“Black jeans?” 

“Sure.”

“Sometimes, ‘sure’ isn’t good enough.” I smiled, trying to stay cheerful. It wasn’t his fault that I was subconsciously trying to dress all nice for a girl who had a boyfriend. 

I started digging around for something else.I pulled out some black bell bottoms (a hand-me-down from the days where my mom actually dressed cool), a small, black wife-beater tank, and a lacy purple top to layer over the tank. 

“Finally. Why are you so invested in this outfit if you don’t even wanna go? Are we finally giving Charlie the time of day? Trying to impress him with your beauty?” 

“No, we are not. And I am not either.” I shot him a look over my shoulder as I headed toward the bathroom. “Still want help?”

He nodded.

“Don’t push me, then.”

“Got it.”

In the bathroom, I stripped myself of my school clothes. I stood in the mirror, mostly naked, looking at my body, standing back and squinting my eyes. I felt more self conscious than usual in this moment, overthinking, judging myself. I pulled on the outfit and resumed the staring contest with my reflection. I pushed my b***s together with my hands, and looked at the b**b-job illusion in the mirror. I sucked in my stomach, squeezed my ribs in, sucked on the inside of my cheeks. Closing my eyes, I exhaled, dropping the self-constructed temporary plastic surgery I’d given myself. 

I put both my hands on my sink, leaning forward, looking in the mirror. My hair was superdark brown, a kind of curly-wavy-straight mess. I tugged my fingers through my hair a few times before deciding to run some Moraccan oil through the frizz and tousling the whole mop a little. It didn’t look so bad, so I returned to the bedroom.

Wesley had turned on my TV; he was watching Daria reruns when I sat on the floor in front of my mirror by the makeup I’d left out that morning. I touched up my concealer, and winged liner (a staple in my makeup routine), and smeared a whole bunch of deep red lipstick on my lips. I read somewhere that red lips draw attention, therefore, making them seem more kissable, and that is simply science, so I couldn’t help but try the tactic to get Alex’s attention. 

I knew it was stupid, and trust me, I really, truly knew that. But something in my gut told me I had to try with her.  

I heard a car pull into the driveway. Wes stood, and I grabbed a black sweater and my Chucks from where I’d kicked them off earlier. Together, we left the warmth of my house to face the chilling winter air. 

Whitney was waiting in the car that her and Wes shared. They were twins, and Whitney liked to hold the fact that she was 17 minutes older over Wesley’s head as often as she could. Still, they got along really well for siblings. I liked Whitney a lot, and we always had a lot of fun when we all hung out together. Thank God she eventually made some different friends because the awkward crush phase that I didn’t have with Wes was made up for when I had a giant crush on Whitney from seventh to ninth grade. I liked her for a while, the feeling obviously never reciprocated back to me since she was straight. She never had a boyfriend but she’d been madly in love with a boy named Lucas Shutts since, like, the fourth grade. 

Wes and Whitney’s mom was goofy and outgoing just like her children were; she was the kind of person that made her kids’ names start with a “W” simply because she thought it was amusing. They had a father that they never knew and never met. He lived in Nigeria, but Mrs. Areson moved to Seattle with Wes and Whitney when they were both four years old, and both of them claimed to never have a desire to meet him. 

“Hey, Whitney,” I said, getting into the backseat of the car. “Thanks for picking us up.”

“Don’t you look nice! Wes, doesn’t she look nice?” she exclaimed, making eye contact with me in the rear view mirror. I blushed, looking down. “Finally giving Charlie a chance now, are we?”

I made a fake gagging noise. “No. Definitely not.”

“I already asked about that,” Wes muttered to Whitney. “Maybe you should though,” he chimed in again, this time toward me.

“Dear, lord, Wes!” I laughed. “He’s just… not my type.”

“What even is your type, Dee?” Wes wondered, turning from the passenger seat to face me.

F**k, you stupid idiot, why’d you have to go there? “Um… not Charlie,” I said, stupidly. 

Wes accepted this regardless, turning around again to pester Whitney on her music choices. 

“I am 17 minutes older, therefore, I get to pick the music!” she yelled as his hand inched closer to the stereo. 

“Fine. F**k you, though,” he laughed, making a show of surrendering with his arms. 

The rest of the drive, I stared out the window, thinking about how my ideal night would go with Alex. Taking her to dinner, holding her hand in a movie theatre, driving her home, maybe kissing her goodnight, making sure she got inside safely. I thought of not having to pretend to give Charlie a chance. I’d been so lost in my daydream, I didn't even notice we’d arrived at Wesley’s house until the car jerked to a harsh stop. I got out, shaking myself or my daydream before following Wes to his room. 

On the way up the stairs, I heard a familiar Nigerian accent and the most comforting syrupy, deep voice. “Della, honey!”

The approaching voice was, of course, the ever-cheerful Mrs. Areson, otherwise known as Wesley and Whitney’s mother. She’d also been like a mother figure to myself growing up; I often stayed in her house when I didn’t want to be home. She was alright with this because she knew how my parents were, and she loved children.

“Hi, Mrs. Areson.” I turned, smiling.

“Jesus, Dell. What did we talk about you calling me by my last name?” she asked, smiling. “Don’t do it; it makes me feel old. You’ve known me forever; you’re family.”

I rolled my eyes, hugging her. “Okay, fine. Hi, Mindy.”

“To what do I owe the pleasure, daughter-I-wish-I-had?” she asked, hugging me.

I laughed, and from down the hall, I heard Whitney yell, “Love you too, Mom!”

“Actually, Wes may have a date tonight,” I said, my voice hushed.

Her eyes widened, smiling. In a whisper, she leaned over, “You’ll look after him for me?”

“I always do.”

“Do you have a date tonight, Dell?” she asked, jokingly narrowing her eyes, clearly scanning my outfit.

“No,” I sighed. “Wes invited Charlie though.”

She made a face. “I’m sorry, baby. That kid really is something though, isn’t he?”

“Tell me about it. You’d think he’d take a hint at this point.”

She smiled softly, winking at me. “Well, you better go make sure my boy doesn’t try to match a plaid shirt with some striped pants tonight.”

“Good idea.”

I ran up the stairs to Wesley’s room, and when I got there, he was desperately trying to button an ill-fitting white dress shirt. 

“Wes!” I snorted. “What the hell are you doing?” 

“I need some help.” He started unbuttoning the shirt.

“Okay, okay. Sit. Don’t touch anything.”

I began sifting through his closet, pulling out outfits. I tried to come up with something that would make even me notice Wes was good-looking. And he was- I guess it was just something about him because he certainly wasn’t my type. 

I pulled out some nice black Dickies, a black, long-sleeved tee, and a forest-green short-sleeved tee with a logo I didn’t recognize to layer over top. “Put that on, jumpy.”

“Thanks.”

When he left the room, I sat back on his bed, checking my watch for the time. “S**t.”

I pounded on the bathroom door. “What time did you tell Jade we’re picking her up?”

“5:30!” he yelled back.

“Okay, well, it’s 4:45, and she lives all the way across town!”

“F**k! Okay, okay. It’s fine.”

“Open up!”

He opened the door, still pulling on his second shirt. I watched him touch up his hair, and I tossed him his shoes. He knelt to put them on and sprung up, smiling at me. 

“Thanks, Dells.”

I shook my head, smiling, an indication of a sure thing, and shoved him out the door, trailing behind as we ran down the stairs.

“Bye, kiddos! Be safe!” Mindy called as we raced out the door.

---

Wes spent the entire car ride across town telling me a play-by-play of how he’d planned his date, but when we finally got to Jade’s house, he’d lost all confidence in his plan. His skin seemed to become a few shades lighter in fear; he swallowed, eyebrows pulling together. The entire false bravado he’d been building up had crashed upon the ground.

“Hey,” I offered, putting my hand on his. “Don’t be so nervous. I’m pretty sure she already likes you, and you two make a perfect pair. Take a deep breath and relax.”

“I just want this night to go well.”

“And it will if you stop thinking something’s gonna go wrong. You know, even if it turns into an awful disaster, we’ll just go back to your place, eat our body weight in ice cream, and you can cry on my shoulder until the sun rises.”

He squinted at me, a smile returning to his face. “Let’s hope this date goes well, then.”

“Okay, tough guy. Go get her… but don’t pretend like you wouldn’t have enjoyed the ice cream and crying just a little bit.”

“Shut up.” 

We both got out of the car; I moved to the backseat, and Wes made his way to Jade’s front door. I noticed there was an extra car in the driveway; an unmistakable car. A douchey, vibrant, red car that screamed, “I’m rich, and I want you to know” that also belonged to James. I felt my stomach begin to churn, and I tried to shake off the disappointment and jealousy. 

The front door of the house opened and out waltzed Jade, wearing a cutesy blue dress and huge platform heels, hair neatly straightened, hanging down by her waist. Her eyeliner was thicker than earlier in the day, and she was wearing blue eyeshadow to match her dress. Alex and James followed behind, arm in arm. Alex was wearing a glittery pink mini skirt and a cute, little white tube top that showed off her collar bones. Her hair was tied in two tiny buns. She was smiling at him- James, smug-looking, basketball star, dating the girl I liked.  

Wesley took Jade by the hand as they began walking to the car, and Alex waved goodbye, shot her a look, and followed James to his obnoxious car. 

“Hi, Della,” Jade said in her kind, small voice upon opening the car door. 

“Hey, Jade,” I sighed trying to sound cheerful, not like I’d been drooling over a straight girl with the power to play my heartstrings like a harp.

On the drive to the mall, I eavesdropped on Wesley and Jade as they awkwardly flirted with each other. We got there at 6:15. James and Alex parked right next to us, and we all got out of the cars. 

“So what’s the plan?” James asked, getting out of the car. 

“Grab dinner at Johnny Rockets or something and walk around before the movie at 9:15,” Wes suggested. “That sound okay?”

“Perfect,” Alex said, somewhat absently. 

My heart sputtered at the sound of her voice. I looked over at her, catching a twinge of pain when I noticed James’s arm wrapped possessively around Alex’s waist. 

“Wait, where’s Charlie?” James wondered aloud.

Everyone looked at each other; it seemed we’d all forgotten he was coming.

“Dee, will you call him?” Wes asked me.

I pursed my lips, sucking in a breath of air and got out my phone. Distancing myself from the group, I dialed his number. He picked up on the first ring.

“Hey, Della! What’s up?” his nervous voice enthused through the phone.

“Uh, what time are you gonna get here?”

“Oh, I’m on my way. Where should I meet you guys?”

“Johnny Rockets.”

“Awesome, thank you, Della.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“See you soon.” I could hear him smiling through the phone. 

“He’s on his way!” I called, hanging up. 

All together, we walked to the restaurant. We all sat in a large booth. I was on the end with Wes to my right, and Jade across from him. Next to Jade was Alex, and James was right next to her. 

Jade and Wesley launched into a nervous conversation about the movie we were seeing later; Wes asked her what kinds of candy she liked from movie theatres and whether or not she wanted popcorn. I moved on quickly from eavesdropping on them to Alex and James. She was leaning on his shoulder, looking bored, while he looked at the menu. He occasionally pointed to something, and she would just nod or shake her head in response. They didn’t seem to have much chemistry from what I would see, but then again, maybe I was just being too hopeful, making up things that weren’t there. 

“Hey, guys!” an obnoxiously cheerful voice exclaimed, shattering my trance, irritating me a little bit. 

We all turned, and it was no surprise to see Charlie grinning as though he’d won the f*****g lottery. He inserted himself into the booth, jamming his hip into mine when he sat next to me. 

“Oh, sorry,” he muttered to me. And then to the group, “Sorry I’m late, everyone.” 

“You’re good,” James said, waving his hand down to imply that it was no big deal. 

“So what’re we getting?” Charlie asked.

No one answered, too busy being indecisive, reading and rereading the limited menu, prolonging this torturous group-date.

I sighed, butting in. “What do we think about just ordering milkshakes and a whole buncha fries for our table?”

Everyone seemed pleased by this idea, so when a peppy waitress came over with a little clipboard to take our order, Wesley asked for three baskets of fries.

“And can I get a chocolate milkshake too?” he added after ordering the fries. The zealous blonde nodded, a smile plastered so wide on her face, like she was trying to win a contest or something. 

“I’ll take one of those too,” Jade added quietly, keeping her eyes down, cheeks going pink.

“We’ll have vanillas,” James said, gesturing to himself and Alex. How painfully bland, I thought.

“I’ll have a strawberry,” I said, worrying slightly that my voice didn’t sound right or that I sounded like I was nervous.

Charles cleared his throat, an act that shouldn’t have bothered me as much as it did. “I’ll take a cookies and cream, please.” How loud and complicated of him. 

Alex took her head off of James’s shoulder, sitting up. “Can I actually get a strawberry milkshake too? Instead of one of the vanillas?”

The butterflies in my stomach kicked and screamed. I met eyes with Alex for a moment, and I felt like she was trying to fight something inside of herself too.

“No problem! That’ll be right out,” the ponytail chirped, bouncing off to the kitchen, platinum locks swinging behind her. 

It didn’t mean anything, right? It couldn’t mean anything. It was absurd to think that the same milkshake order meant she liked me. But when she looked at me, I felt something there. Something that made me want to grab her and kiss her right then and there. Over the table, for God’s sake. Then again, I think I felt like that every time she moved. 

I couldn’t stop glancing at her the whole time we sat there. I studied the way she acted around James. She really didn’t ever look at him much. He touched her frequently, absentmindedly dragging his fingers lightly along her arms, kissing her cheek, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. For the most part, Alex didn’t react. If anything, she seemed uncomfortable. 

Our milkshakes were distributed by the cheerleader of a waitress. As she handed James his shake, she let her fingers graze his arm, looking at him with eyes that implied she’d straddle him in the middle of the restaurant if she could. Alex’s eyes scanned the affair, face unchanging. I was taken aback by her lack of reaction. She watched the waitress walk away and turned away again, eyes uncaring, glazed with nonchalance. 

She sipped her shake with no emotion, declining when James asked if she wanted any of his. Charlie yapped in my ear about nothing in particular; I pretended to be engaged in his conversation while I studied Alex like she was a textbook. I watched as she checked her phone. 

“Guys, it’s like 8.”

We all looked around, her words, signifying that we’d been here a while and should probably get going. Wes piped up. “What do you guys think about just walking around for a little?”

“Sure,” I nodded. “That sounds nice.”

After we paid for our food and left the restaurant, James took off his jacket and put it around Alex’s shoulders. She gave him a fleeting smile and sank into a tense look when he put his arm around her. 

Jade and Wes walked a humorable distance away from each other, clearly head over heels for one another, both scared to make the first move. They were very comfortable with each other in a friendly environment, but when it came to dating, they became nervous wrecks. Charlie continued to talk about anything and everything; I found that if I nodded my head and made noises that implied I understood, he didn’t even notice that I wasn’t listening.

Outside of A-B, there was a band playing music for a small gathering of people in an open amphitheatre area. 

“I wanna dance!” Alex gasped, and it was the first hint of remote happiness I’d heard in her voice all evening. 

She ran ahead, grabbing Jade’s hand who followed her and quickly shot Wesley an apologetic smile. I learned something new as the girls made their way to the open area in front of the stage: Alex was an awful dancer. She flung her arms about and jumped around, ignoring the rhythm of the music behind her. Jade laughed and danced a little too, seeming slightly insecure of herself. Alex tripped into Jade, laughing so genuinely when Jade almost lost her balance from the impact that I felt my mouth twitch into a smile of my own. She was dancing for no one but herself, and I admired that. I sat down next to the boys on the concrete steps of the amphitheatre, sighing. 

“You okay?” Wes asked me quietly. “You seem a little stressed, or out of it or something.”

I nodded. “It’s okay. I’m alright.”

He was looking at Jade, and I swore I could almost hear the fireworks exploding in his heart. His eyes looked dreamy, like he was staring into his future.

“You really like her,” I admired. 

“I do.”

“It’s weird… and sweet. I like to see you happy like this, Wes.”

“Thanks. I wish I could see you happy though.” He lowered his voice. “Charlie really isn’t for you, huh?”

I pursed my lips together and shook my head. I leaned into him, feeling a heavy weight rest upon my heart. I wanted nothing more than to tell him that Charlie wasn’t my type because I’d completely fallen for the bad dancer in the mini skirt, dancing like there was no tomorrow.

---

Inside A-B, I “stole” us each a box of candy. Wesley, Sour Patch Kids; Jade, Yorks; James, Nerds; Alex, Milk Duds. I bought myself Peanut M&M’s and internally groaned when Charlie said he didn’t “fancy” candy.

I’d climbed over the counter when Natalie was scooping popcorn for another guest. She groaned and waved a dismissive hand at the customer, “She works here, don’t mind her.”

“Hey, Nat.”

“I cannot believe you are disrespecting this fine establishment in which you work, might I remind you.”

“Couldn’t forget it,” I said, head still inside the cabinet as I searched for the Milk Duds; nobody ever got those.

“That the Girl?” she whispered, referring to Alex.

“Yes; stop looking at her.”

“That her boyfriend?” 

“Keep twistin’ that knife, feels real good.” 

“Sorry.” 

“Whatever. See you,” I called, hopping over the counter again, candies filling my hands. 

As I distributed them, Natalie winked at me, a farewell and goodluck, I suppose. 

Alex fell into step with me, and I stole a glance at her, trying to force a conversation. “Milk Duds?” I asked. “No one buys those. Do you know how long we’ve probably had that box?” 

“Yes, ma’am,” she smiled. “They’ve been my favorite since I was little. Thanks, by the way; kinda cool you can just take stuff like that.”

“I can’t, really, but Natalie doesn’t mind… I don’t know anyone who says their favorite candy is Milk Duds.”

“Now, you do,” she said, bumping her hip into mine in a teasing fashion.

My heart flip-flopped aggressively, and I laughed. 

Filing into the theatre seats, Wesley led the group, followed by Jade. James followed, Alex after him, and I made sure to walk in before Charlie, so I could sit next to Alex. She looked over her shoulder and smiled at me, like she was curious who would be to her left too. 

If someone asked me what the movie was about, I wouldn’t have been able to describe it in any words. Throughout the runtime, Alex kept glancing over at me, leaving me flustered beyond words. Every time I looked at the screen, I was thinking of her. I was in a constant state of lesbian panic the entire time, and I didn’t know how to handle it. I blushed for almost two hours straight, becoming accustomed to the hot, redness, rather than waiting for it to subside.

When she looked at me, her eyes seemed to sparkle, even in the darkness, like she wanted me to return the glance. Her legs were crossed, knees pointing in my direction rather than James’. I tried not to read into it. 

At some point, I noticed that Charlie was getting closer to me. He had draped his arm over the armrest between our two seats. It was there to separate us, and I wished he would just keep it that way. His fingers inched closer to mine; I didn’t want to hold his hand, nor did I want to touch him at all, really. With a swift movement, he slipped his fingers into mine anyway, scooting even closer. I looked down, not wanting to be rude and pull away, but also not wanting to stay there.

Alex was staring again, head facing the screen while her eyes were locked on Charlie’s hand in mine. Her face seemed to take on that red color mine possessed, but maybe I was just imagining things like always. We made eye contact for a moment, and she scanned my face and snorted, looking away, like she was holding back a laugh. 

Do I look that distressed? My hand was starting to sweat, and I felt dirty; not that Charlie was a disgusting human being; he just wasn’t the right kind of human being. I felt like I was lying to myself. 20 minutes passed, and Charlie kept inching closer to me. 

F**k. 

I found an excuse in fixing my hair to let go of his hand. While my hand was up in my hair, his hand took place on my inner knee, sliding up to my inner thigh without so much as a glance my way to see if I was okay with it. My face grew hotter still, and I felt tears spring into my eyes. Gross, ew, stop.

I felt Alex’s eyes on me again, and I felt ashamed and nauseous. Clearing her throat, she switched the position she was sitting in, recrossing her knees so that they pointed in James’ direction. 

Charlie squeezed my thigh a little, and I gasped, my hand flying down to his. I had to physically pick it up off of my leg and set it on the armrest between us. I didn’t look at him or say anything; I bit my inner cheek, focusing solely on making sure that the lump in my throat didn’t turn to tears. Charlie said my name, and I turned; his face was centimeters away from mine. I panicked as he leaned in to try to kiss me; I turned my head quickly, and his lips hit my cheek.

“Uh, sorry,” I mumbled awkwardly. 

“Come on, you couldn’t have given me just one kiss?” He sounded like he was joking, but I couldn’t tell because his eyebrows furrowed together in an angry fashion.

“I- I, uh-” I sputtered, unsure of how to respond to something so thoughtless, trying hard not to draw attention to us. 

Alex butted in, her tone defensive. Or maybe she was just being nice, who knows. “Hey, f****r,” she hissed in his direction, voice hushed. “Doesn’t seem like she likes you all that much. Please don’t be a f*****g dick.”

I was shocked at the abruptness of her comment, raising my eyebrows. It wasn’t that big of a deal; I mean, it’s not Charlie’s fault I couldn’t feel the same way for him. He seemed surprised too, repelling to the opposite side of his seat. I looked down, embarrassed.

Alex uncrossed her legs and let her knee fall against mine. My heart spasmed again. What the f**k do I do?

She was smiling a little, staring at the screen. Popping a Milk Dud in her mouth, she let her arm fall to rest right next to mine on the armrest. Our skin was barely touching, and I felt electricity shooting through my body. Do all of my gay experiences have to be rooted in my place of work?

I noticed James had his arm around her, but she wasn’t looking at him; her attention was on me. I felt like I couldn’t breathe; if I moved an inch, she might shift away from me. She’d stood up for me. My mind began to spiral: 

Okay is she f*****g gay or not? 

No, of course not. Can you not f*****g see the handsome boy on her arm?

She seemed jealous. 

Maybe she doesn’t like to see her friends get touched by guys they clearly don’t want touching them.

But her leg.

Her f*****g leg? What about it? You think that means anything? 

I don’t know. What if it does? And her arm?

Stop being ridiculous. It doesn’t mean anything.

At some point during the argument with myself, the movie had ended. 

“How’d you like it?” Alex asked in her sweet, raspy voice; it was coated in something else, like she wasn’t really talking about the movie.

I snapped to reality. “I, uh, it was good.” Jesus f*****g Christ, Della. 

She bit her lip, suppressing a smile. If I were a cartoon, my animated heart would’ve pumped out of my chest, smacking her in the face. 

As we started to leave, Charlie walked quickly ahead of us. He didn’t turn around again, and I eventually lost him in my line of vision. 

Wesley grabbed my elbow, and I gasped, head still spinning from all the confusion that had occurred in the theatre. 

“Woah, sorry.”

“You’re good,” I assured him. “Need something?”

“Well, um, it’s kinda going well with Jade tonight.”

“That’s great, right?”

“For me, yes. I kind of want it to keep going though, and I’m really sorry, but-”

“Wes, it’s okay. I understand. I’ll call an Uber home.”

“This is why I love you,” he winked, giving me a quick squeeze. 

“Glad to know how low your standards are,” I sighed. “Go; have fun on the rest of your date.” 

I exhaled a huge breath, relieved this weird night was coming to an end. Pulling out my phone, I stepped away from the group, ordering an Uber to meet me outside the movie theatre. 

Wesley walked by me, waving, hand in hand with Jade. I sat down on a bench near the exit to wait. 

“See you later, Della,” I heard Alex say.

My head snapped up; she was walking with James, his arm wrapped around her waist. I gnawed at my lower lip, disappointed. I felt drained; I’d made Charlie upset, and I was confused with the way Alex had treated me- it had almost seemed as though she was flirting with me. But what the hell do I know about flirting? 

After a quick chat with Natalie about the weirdly gay incident, my Uber texted me that he’d arrived. I said goodbye to her and stepped outside into the angry air, cold biting at me on all sides. I felt drained and exhausted from the evening, and I couldn’t bring myself to care about the chilling atmosphere. I caught sight of the Uber near the front of the mall.

I leaned down next to the passenger side’s window and waved to let him know I was there. The driver looked slightly stressed as he rolled his window down. 

“Uh, hi,” he offered. 

“Hi, is everything okay?” I asked, confused by his tone.

“On my way over, I realized I’m not gonna be able to take you where you need to go, ma’am. I’m sorry, but I can’t go that far in that direction at this time of night. I just wanted to stop by to let you know you should probably call another ride.”

I stepped backward a pace. “Oh, um, okay, I-”

“Yeah, I have to go now. If you could please move so I can leave.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, the sky opened up, and it began to pour rain, and giant tears of the sky fell to the ground before me.

“God f*****g d****t,” I choked loudly, stepping backward again.

The man in the front seat of the car frowned at me, looking irritated. “Look. All I said was that I’m not willing to drive that far at this hour. I just wanted to let you know. I’m sorry,” he said in a bored and uninterested voice. 

“I’ll pay extra? Please, sir,” I sounded hysterical and ridiculous, tears threatening to spill. “It’s raining.”

I wondered why I couldn’t step away. Why I couldn’t obey his directions. I was being obnoxious and unreasonable, but all I could think about was being home immediately to escape this awful night. I turned around on the sidewalk, tears beginning to spill over. 

“F**k!” I screamed, letting out a sob.

I nearly died when I looked up to find Alex looking out the window of James’ car as they drove by. Her face went from uninterested to alarmed, and she stared at me. I quickly ducked my head, finally letting out a sob. Good God, how embarrassing. James pulled his car around again and Alex jumped out.

“Hey, you okay, Della?” she asked, jogging over to me.

Her soft voice rang in my ears. She rested a hand on my waist to gently push me under an overhang of shelter from the rain. It sent a shock up my side, and I jumped; she removed her hand quickly, tucking it in her back pocket.

“What happened?” 

“I’m fine,” I managed quickly, wiping my face. “I was supposed to get a ride home from Wesley, but his date was going well, so he can’t drive me anymore, and this driver won’t drive me and- and I’m fine. I’m sorry. I’m just gonna call someone else.”

Alex pulled away from me to look at the driver in the car that had not moved yet. She stepped toward him and leaned in; he was muttering something I could not make out, but Alex ground her teeth together and lowered her voice.

“Why the f**k are you still here?” she growled in a tone similar to the one she’d used to snap at Charlie.

She returned to where I was standing and tucked me under her arm, making it evident that I was at least a whole head shorter than her. The driver sped away, cursing loudly out of his window. 

“Any chance you’d take a ride from me and James?” she asked me. “It’s f*****g freezing out here, and I’m not letting you stand in the rain alone at night.”

My heart fluttered and panicked, but I managed to nod. “If it’s not too much trouble. I’m really sorry.”

“It would be my pleasure, Della.”

I wiped my eyes, still incredibly mortified. 

“Are you sure you’re okay? I mean not just with the Uber but Charlie was a little-”

“I’m fine. Just have a lot going on.”

She nodded, opening the door to the back seat for me before getting into the front seat herself. 

This girl was endlessly confusing and mysterious to me, and I wanted nothing more than to be able to delve into her mind to truly understand her. As of then, all I could do was take notice of the fact that the beautiful girl that had rescued me had just offered me a ride in her boyfriend’s car. 

And my soaking hair dripped onto the expensive leather of the backseat of James’s car.