Life anew

The story of life from it's creation to it's end.

And life, somehow, was created.

And learned after all to renew.

And then to remember,

And think and plan,

And pass it to life anew.

And then it went faster and faster.

And learned to be nimble and quick.

And then it got longer, 

And stronger to conquer,

And spread until really quite thick.

And now we are part of the crew.

And want to be there at the end.

And we will know it forever,

And better than ever.

And hope to God we transcend.

Reviews

[emipoemi]

The place of "conquer" makes it sound like it wants to be an adjective, which it in reality isn't. I think it would be better so say "to conquer" instead of "and". Also, "really quite" is redundant, and I would suggest you try to find a good trisyllabic word to replace it (or simply two different words that would better suit- your choice). Other than that, my comments are simply of praise. It was a bit odd that the first stanza didn't follow what the other two did (in terms of having an internal rhyme in the second part), but it was still a brilliantly constructed piece. Well done!

[GregoryM]

Great points, thanks emipoemi I'm going to change 'to conquer' and yeah 'really quite' has bothered me for some time, but I'll keep working on it. The first two lines might not be presented correctly, in my head they go "And life, somehow, was created" so the rhythm felt the same, but you're right, it needs work. Thanks!

[emipoemi]

my pleasure.

(And I was more referring to the fact that "remember" and "plan" don't rhyme like "longer"/"conquer" and "forever"/"ever".....that first line in its own way is actually fine. But, go with your gut. It knows best).

[Onlyme]

A nice thought provoking poem about life from start to end. Interesting read. Enjoyable and articulate.