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Blindness

Blindness

A Poem by Guardian
"

As the new year rolls around, we cannot forget the ones that still need us just as much as they did last year.

"

 

We see the sun, the stars, the moon,

We see our friends and family.

We see the shining road ahead,

Dazzling in the light of opportunity.

 

Not a shadow chills our skin,

Not a cloud covers the sky.

Not a single weight bends our back,

And we give no notice the burden of others.

 

We are blind to the world,

To the pain, to the tears.

Atrocities fade with the passing of years.

 

We are blind to the world,

To hunger and starvation,

We enjoy our blessings with a sense of elation.

 

War leads not to happiness,

Nor is it a solution.

If only we could SEE.

See the bloody faces,

The decimated places.

See the crying mothers,

The long-dead brothers.

 

Malice leads not to contentment,

Nor does it mask our own insecurities.

If only we could SEE.

See the pain our comments cause,

The insults flying without a pause.

See the truth beneath the mask,

Healing now our only task.

 

Hate leads not to satisfaction,

Nor will it cure the world’s hurts.

If only we could SEE.

See the dead and crumpled dreams,

Twisted by malicious schemes.

See the hurt and damaged souls,

Love is all that will patch the holes.

 

The damage we’ve caused can’t be erased,

It’s etched into the ragged Earth,

It’s carved into the broken heart,

It’s engraved within our histories,

It’s inscribed upon our headstones.

 

If only we could SEE.

SEE those that need us.

SMELL the decay.

HEAR their cries.

FEEL their pain.

TASTE the bitterness.

If only we could throw off the blindfold,

Reach out to the world,

And shoulder our neighbor’s burdens.

 

If only we could see.

If only we could fight the blindness.

 

© 2009 Guardian


Author's Note

Guardian
I want honest feedback and any criticism that's neccessary!

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Featured Review

A great poem with excellent use of imagery and emotion! How the souls of the young cry out for an end to injustice and false righteousness in the world today! A beautiful poem, I felt a slight moistening of my eyes at the beauty (sorry, no crying, but maybe I'll read this on a day when I'm having allergy problems and then you'll get that reaction for sure) and strength of the poem. You don't ask, you demand an end to the problem, ignorance and intolerance (I hope I got that right). A conscientious rebellion against the blindness that corrupts our world, truly powerful! U

Now, onto the mandatory recommendations on possible grammar errors: 1. The first two lines are a bit choppy, instead of ending the first one with a comma, it would flow a little better with a period or a semicolon 2. I'm curious, but did this poem start off differently, with a specific meter? I only ask because in the beginning most of the lines are in the 7-8 syllable line except for the end lines of the stanza which are 11-12, but then you break the pattern. If you did it on purpose for artistic (something or other), you might want to make them follow the pattern to make the break after the first 2 stanzas more pronounced. This is also connected to point 5 3. The second stanza would flow better if the second line ended with a comma instead of a period 4. The second line of the 4th stanza is a bit open, you might want to replace "is it" with "to any" and then make "solution" plural, or you could add "problem" to the end or change "solution" to "answer" and end with "question". 5. Your occasional use of rhyming without a rhyme scheme is very well done, but it does throw off the rhythm a little, was the rhyming done on purpose or accident. 6. In the line "Nor does it mask our own insecurities", the "own" is a bit redundant, so you might want to remove it or replace it with "personal" 7. Also in that Stanza, the second to last line should probably end in a period or semi-colon as the two lines aren't very 'connected' 8. In the second to last stanza you could possibly end the lines that start with the BOLD with commas instead of periods 9. The last line would read better in context of the poem if you changed "could" to "would", this also applies to the line "If only we could throw off the blindfold" in the second to last stanza.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

"If only we could see.
If only we could fight the blindness."
It is so true, we neglect to consider what is happening outside of our worlds. You addressed this problem and planted a seed in us to get up and do something about this. Beautiful write!

Posted 9 Years Ago


A great poem with excellent use of imagery and emotion! How the souls of the young cry out for an end to injustice and false righteousness in the world today! A beautiful poem, I felt a slight moistening of my eyes at the beauty (sorry, no crying, but maybe I'll read this on a day when I'm having allergy problems and then you'll get that reaction for sure) and strength of the poem. You don't ask, you demand an end to the problem, ignorance and intolerance (I hope I got that right). A conscientious rebellion against the blindness that corrupts our world, truly powerful! U

Now, onto the mandatory recommendations on possible grammar errors: 1. The first two lines are a bit choppy, instead of ending the first one with a comma, it would flow a little better with a period or a semicolon 2. I'm curious, but did this poem start off differently, with a specific meter? I only ask because in the beginning most of the lines are in the 7-8 syllable line except for the end lines of the stanza which are 11-12, but then you break the pattern. If you did it on purpose for artistic (something or other), you might want to make them follow the pattern to make the break after the first 2 stanzas more pronounced. This is also connected to point 5 3. The second stanza would flow better if the second line ended with a comma instead of a period 4. The second line of the 4th stanza is a bit open, you might want to replace "is it" with "to any" and then make "solution" plural, or you could add "problem" to the end or change "solution" to "answer" and end with "question". 5. Your occasional use of rhyming without a rhyme scheme is very well done, but it does throw off the rhythm a little, was the rhyming done on purpose or accident. 6. In the line "Nor does it mask our own insecurities", the "own" is a bit redundant, so you might want to remove it or replace it with "personal" 7. Also in that Stanza, the second to last line should probably end in a period or semi-colon as the two lines aren't very 'connected' 8. In the second to last stanza you could possibly end the lines that start with the BOLD with commas instead of periods 9. The last line would read better in context of the poem if you changed "could" to "would", this also applies to the line "If only we could throw off the blindfold" in the second to last stanza.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Funny thing how everyone wants peace, but at their own terms. I like the images you used, and how you abandoned conventional verses to get your point across. Something definately worth reading!

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

A lot of insight here. You capture the price of the self-destructive, warring nature of man, and also the irony that we are keenly aware of the solution...yet we are blind to the path to get from one to the other. Nicely done.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Wow. For a minute, I thought that the blindness you spoke of was supposed to be a good thing, the blindness of moving on from the past. Then I got to the part about "if only we could SEE", and realized that it was the blindness that makes us ignore everyone else. Which, oddly enough, I think would be a natural process for anyone having the blindness and its effects pointed out to them for the first time. Nice flow, not as good as some of the others, but enough to keep it moving along smoothly. Excellent work, Guardian!

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.


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Added on January 7, 2009
Last Updated on January 8, 2009

Author

Guardian
Guardian

AZ



About
I live in Arizona where the sun is always shining. Writing has always been my passion. I love to read and write. I'm also involved in drama and music. I write a variety of things. Everything from poet.. more..

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