Untitled

A little experiment with form that I did for school assignment.

As I walk along the beach,

sand now sinks between my toes

            toes sand toes

 

 I watch the waves come rolling in,

rising                rising

            falling                falling

I now jump back as the waves come near

                                                 rising

                                    rising

rising                rising

            falling

 

And CRASH they break upon the rocks

w         a    v    e

  a     v

e    e

v    a  w

 

My face is covered with drops of spray,

and while I laugh with pure delight,

I look across the sea… but wait!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My eyes see something glorious,

More striking than the waves

More striking than the waves that are now

rising                rising

            falling                falling

 

For on the horizon the sun now

                                    rises

                        rises

            rises

rises

                                                color

Splashing the sky with blazing color                color

                                    color

                                                color

 

My green eyes shine in amazement as I gaze upon God’s work.

For his great hands have molded the earth

and his great hands have given me,

this beauty that now overwhelms.

 

And as I gaze with wonder, tears streaming down my cheeks,

The sun continues to grow, grow, grow

And the waves continue rising            rising

                                                falling                falling

Author's Note

Let me know what you think!

Reviews

[sorentense]

This is definitely more interesting (and easier to read) than the e e cummings stuff!

I especially like what you did with the rising and falling, and growth - not as crazy about the word green being green - it seemed isolated and out of place to me.

I think you had fun with this...At least, I hope you did.

[Kimberly R. Larkins]

I really like this format. The content is awesome. Very well written!

[Syke]

I like what you did in this poem. It's fun to read, doesn't hurt my head (it's 10:30 and I'm tired so that's always a bonus!), and really is a departure from your previous stuff. Keep writing in new styles and new ways and you'll keep growing as a poet/writer/author/plusgoodwritecomrade.