Space

a haiku, but i ditched the format for the last line.

As I hold my breath

In the roaring silence of 

A crowded subway

As I duck my head

Hiding from someone I don't 

Really want to see

As I cross my arms

So that they aren't torn off

By rushing people

As I smell the breath

Foul from one of these creatures

And offer them mints

I hope, pray, beg, wish

For a little bit of peace

For a quiet place

And I hug myself

And wish for just a tiny

No, a big, giant

Space, where nobody

Will crowd me against the wall

Space, where I can be

By myself, alone

For as little as an hour

But so does everybody else.

Reviews

[Holly-Marie]

I would personally leave it. Although a Haiku should obviously follow a certain format, I always think what makes it yours is what's important. This was a wonderful piece that was very well written and the imagery was wonderful. You may have ditched the format but your poetry was art, and in my opinion dropping the format actually bought it to an ending very well and made it your own.

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

You have a good Haiku there, but the last line needs to be only seven syllables. Choose another word to make your point. That is what I do. I'd leave out the word but.