When the Winter

When the Winter

A Poem by I Cast a Shadow

When the winter cold and dead

Grips the splinter inside my head

I go out into the snow

To renew the seeds I sow

The sun hangs heavy in the sky

Reminds us of the time gone by

How we’ve grown; what we’ve done

Forgotten with the setting sun

When we come beneath the moon �"

Our time grows warm again.

Soft and subtle the instance is

True and present there and then

His with hers and hers with his.

© 2013 I Cast a Shadow


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Reviews

Glancing back over this, it reminds me of something like a reverse sonnet. Usually, a sonnet has alternating final rhyming words. The last two lines usually rhymed with each other, different from the rest. Here, I feel as if you switched up that pattern, which is very intriguing. Before, I wrote a criticism before I really looked at the poem a third time. It is interesting how you did it, and it no longer confuses me. Did you intend to reverse the traditional sonnet? Because I feel as if that is the case.

However, I do feel like some of the words don't properly rhyme: "moon" and "again" feel very awkward to try to rhyme. I think that there could have been a better choice here. Regardless, I believe the poem to be very well done. I read over some of the material a fourth time. Reading it another time, I feel that I am beginning to understand the true depth of the poem. I love the use of nature and the seasons that bring together these lovers. I love the fact that the speaker reminisces about what has changed, but I do feel that you should have gone into detail about what memories the speaker was thinking about.

Otherwise, this was an enjoyable poem for me to have picked apart. I really got into it. Thank you for posting it for me to read!



Posted 10 Years Ago


I Cast a Shadow

10 Years Ago

I'm flattered that you spent so much time on it haha. This is my own traditional approach to poetry... read more
E.V. Black

10 Years Ago

I am delighted that you are flattered! I had fun picking it apart. I haven't done it in a while, so .. read more
The rhyming scheme works well with the poem. It's not forced or overdone. Good work!

Posted 10 Years Ago


great opening lines. and a beautiful poem indeed. nice work!

Posted 10 Years Ago



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3 Reviews
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Added on February 8, 2013
Last Updated on February 8, 2013
Tags: winter, cold, frozen, dying, love, rebirth, seasons, spring, seeds, sow, sun, moon, pagan

Author

I Cast a Shadow
I Cast a Shadow

Portland, OR



About
I read classics, science fiction, philosophy, and very little fantasy. I am inspired by Taoism and other Eastern philosophy, anarchy, new concepts, my ancestry, my muse, her family, my own family, .. more..

Writing