The Carousel

Life in the freak show

 

The Carousel

 

Round and round and round we go

Up and down and

Round and round

Except that you were standing

And I was being held

By the ends of my hair

 

My mother stood there

Shouting at you

To put me down

But you didn’t listen

You just swung me all the harder

 

And in the end

It was all my fault

Because you asked me a question

And I pointedly ignored you

And so you lifted me

Out of my dining chair

By the ends of my hair

 

Like some kind of crazy waltz

Where you are the only one dancing

And I’m just along for the ride

My father was demanding

That you put me down

And my mother was screaming at me

For provoking you

 

And I was flying through the air

Like an aerialist without a trapeze

Landing in a heap at my father’s feet

He lifted me

Oh so gently

And carried me to my room

Telling me he would take care of it

 

Which he did

Until the next time

When you picked me up by my throat

And slammed me against a wall

And so it went

 

Until I was eighteen

And you had chased my father away

Because he couldn’t defend me

But somewhere along the way

I learned to defend myself

 

And then, to my surprise

When I was grown and on my own

You found your faith

I didn’t believe you at first

How could God save someone

Who had so totally devastated my life

 

But I saw that you really walked out

Your faith when you asked me to forgive you

And we became friends

So much that two years later

I was surprised to find

That I missed you when you left

 

And now I wonder

If there are carousels in heaven

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Antony]

Wow! a deep and powerful write, being abused as a young girl and carrying those scars with you, then learning how to forgive that person, when they changed their ways and turned to God, but i feel a bit of doubt in your mind, maybe guilt, that sometimes lingers onto adulthood when someone is abused. Your last two lines bring that out in this piece.
Tony

[Succubi]

Wow! this was truly a heartfelt piece. You unearth the memories of your past when you abused as a child by your dad (or stepdad, I really didn't understand who that "dad" person was) and your mom did nothing but provoked it. Personally, I would never find the strength to forgive someone who neglected me when I needed her the most, but you did, that is courage and strength right there, and to be able to write about it with such divinity and dignity is talent in the making. But, I guess we all do find inner strength somewere, and for you it seems to be through writing and living to tell the tale. Great piece! Keep the pen flowing !

[Vic Spencer]

Wow. Absolutely the best poem I have read on this site to date. It was very remarkably written. The drastic change from light-heartedness to horror by the end of the first stanza was great. It was masterful, and I could feel the emotion throughout, even at the turn-around, when the abuser is born again in Christ, and begged for forgiveness. Amazing and powerful.

[Exodus]

A poem about abuse, not a fun subject. The act of forgiveness, one of the most powerful things a person can do to overcome their demons, and to move on. Nicely written.

[KAREN BROWN]

having faith is very important at least to me hes saved me and has helped me in so many different ways. It hurt to hear what you was feeling I just wanted to talk to you in person. some people feel the lord allows bad to happen to us but he don't. Its the world that does.I sometimes believe here on earth is hell cause of all the bad things that happen to us and others. your writting is very good thank you for sharing this with me.

[silent[rain]]

This is a very good piece...how you incorporate your life's troubles and difficulties in a rather unusual way...Like how your father was your rescuer..your mother you tormentor..even so your father could not do eveything...for your mother chased him away..such a touching story..the big mystery is the end..do you suggest that he is not in heaven....and thus there are no carousels...just a thought....

[Michelle Anselm]

I liked this very very much. The beginning stanzas reminded me of the whimsical poetry of Shel Silverstein, especially with the juvenile symbol of the carousel. Then it descended into something darker, moving away from something that seems almost comical and lightly-put in nature to something brooding, a bad experience put into words - something one couldn't escape from. Then, a resolution, with the last three stanzas; changing into something beautiful. A feeling of forgiveness washes over it. And then, what grabbed me most of all were the last two lines:

"And now I wonder
If there are carousels in heaven"

The sweetest touch to a masterpiece, like (pardon me for my fatty thoughts) a cherry atop a sundae.
Lovely.

[Forest Green]

Truly spiritual...connecting the realities of doubt with unexpectedly happy endings.

And the metaphor is perfect...

Very nice...!

Daniel

[BenightedWhispers]

I loved this. How you have the guy go through a revalation was astounding