Backstage Bar and Grill

A Story by hardscoper6

This was supposed to be a restaurant review for class... then it turned into this...

The restaurant had a very warm welcoming feeling to it, yet as I was there at an early hour before supper, the restaurant was fairly empty, or so I thought, when suddenly ninja koala’s burst through the front door! I was taken by completely surprise, but instead of panicking, I grabbed a nearby plate and launched it at the koala ninja’s head. He fell back, giving me just enough time to acquire a nearby sword lying upon the front desk. The ninja koala’s took out their own swords and charged me. I deflected and parried all of their attacks, quickly striking back. Then the Backstreet Boys took the stage, and as we battled, they played there delicious beats. Brandon T came walking in as the lead singer for backstreet boys whilst Brandon F sat outside in a nearby tree overlooking the scene. The battling took to the streets, the traffic came flying into the koala’s, causing several of them to spontaneously combust. A cab came flying towards me but I used my outstanding power to smash the cab back, flying straight through a nearby building. Thus, flying sharks came air swimming out of the building! I realized that the building was Shark International. The flying sharks, wearing shark suits, swam down to me. I retrieve my laser blaster from my back, as the koala’s and shark’s begin doing battle, I join in blasting away with my blaster and slicing all the nearby enemy’s with my sword. Brandon F jetpacked out of his tree down to me, I proceeded to strike his face, knocking him unconscious. I took his jetpack then stuffed his unconscious body back up in the tree for later… you know what I mean. I then began flying around like pro fighting shark. This is where I slice apart a shark, into fine slice, then begin cooking it. The other sharks are angered by this gesture and start attacking! I have to fight WHILE cooking now! When I felt overwhelm I fly down to the tree and grab Brandon F’s body, throwing him aside, perfect bait, told ya he would come in handy later. The sharks mauled him whilst I served delicious shark burgers to all the koalas. I couldn’t eat a whole shark! Geez! I can only be so awesome… Brandon T then came rocking like a hurricane out of the bar. He continued his musical excellent performance, ripping some musically sick beats, Brandon T’s music was so righteous, however, that the sound waves blasted everyone and everything away and threw Brandon T into a different dimension. This dimension was made up of people who were musical notes. Each resident of this dimension had an individual sound, their voices were all made up of that single notes. When several notes sang together it was the most beautiful thing in the world, this was where Brandon T would live out the rest of his life. Now back to me, I have now been once again left alone. Brandon T was now in a different dimension. Brandon F’s remains lay strewn about the nearby field. However, something unexpected then happened. One of the koalas spoke!
“Simon, that was some AWESOME cooking!”
I was fairly surprised by this, but accepted the compliment. The koala then proceeded to plant it’s hands on either side of it’s head and then began pulling. I was surprised again to see the head came off quite easily to reveal none other than Shayna beneath it. Two other koala’s walked up and did the same revealing that it was Courtney and Josh.
“We must defeat these shark scum!” Josh spoke this time.
“Then for now we will work together!” I spoke, ready to take on the remaining sharks, who had now finished their previous meal of Brandon F. They were still hunger, viciously snapping their jaws at us. We began attacking back swiping this way and that. I landed a hit directly in one of the sharks chests. The shark began laughing, as my sword seemed to have done nothing to the shark. I quickly realized the suits were stab proof! Then a second thought dawned on me… A TALKING SHARK! I quickly jumped through the air striking the talking shark directly in the face again and again until my punches and kicks launched the talking sharks head clean off it’s shark shoulders (sharks have shoulder, they just can’t be seen by the untrained eye).
“Their suits are stab proof! Aim for their heads!”
Before they could continue, flying saucers landed on the grassy area next to them, thus obliterating what was left of Brandon F. Odd creatures began exiting the ships.
“Aliens!” Josh yelled. “Roshambo!!!”
Josh charged at the “Aliens”, but these weren’t just any aliens, these were pope aliens! Josh got within a few feet of kicking distance before the master pope alien intervened, he was known as Hayden by his people. Josh was readying a kick when master pope alien Hayden brought his master pope hat crashing down upon Josh flattening him deep into the ground. Shayna, Courtney and I readied ourselves for a fierce fight, and the sharks moved in to attack the aliens. The sharks were immediately dispatched of, and the aliens continued advancing. Seeing that I was horribly outmatch, I sheathed my blade, as well as my blaster, and attempted to speak with the aliens.
“Hello! I am Simon. This is Shayna, and Courtney. We mean you no harm!”
The master alien pope looked questionably at me. To my surprise he spoke English.
“ARE YOU CHALLENGING ME, SIR!?” The master pope alien yelled breaking into a sprint!
I had no idea what was going on but instead of questioning it, I ran towards the alien, who’s hand was outstretched, and I did the same. It felt as if everything around them stopped, the very universe around them stopped spinning. The leaves in the calm fall air began to explode under the awesome pressure being exerting from these two awesome forces coming together. Then we both jumped through the air. Time itself seemed to stop as our hands collided for the most awesome high five in history. The dust settled and everything went back to normal.
“You and your friends are welcome on my ship under one condition…” The master pope alien said.
“Wait! Going on a space ship…!? AWESOME!” I went running passed the master pope, straight for the space ship.
“HEY! WAIT A MINUTE!” The master pope begin chasing after me.
“Should we follow?” Courtney asked Shayna.
“May as well.” She responded.
Everyone began boarding the ship. I was running from room to room, fascinated by all the different alien technology. I came across one room and saw some movement inside. Confused, I checked it out. There, in the shadows was a horribly crude looking creature. It lashed out at me, only to get held back by the bars of it’s cage. Hayden had now caught up with me.
“Aw, I see you’ve met the noob.”
“The noob! What exactly is a noob?” I dared to venture closer to it’s cage but thought it was better to hold my position.
“It’s a vicious, horrible creature. We have named this on Vivian. This one in particular is a very evil one, it would be best to leave it be.”
We proceeded out of the room, leaving that awful noob behind. My eyes looked into another room, catching a glimpse of something quite entrancing. Hayden was ranting about something, maybe it was something about the cleanliness of the ship, but I was too intrigued by the screen. My eyes never left it as I moved closer to it. Across the front of the screen read “Halo 5”. Tears began pouring down my face, I had never witnessed anything so beautiful. It seemed Hayden had finished his rant as he requested if I’d like to play on his xbox 720, which just caused further tears to erupt from my body. We sat down and began playing, hours flew by, Simon never took his eyes off the screen, not once. It was more beautiful and wonderful then he ever thought it could be. A weird feeling entered his chest just then, he brushed it off as hunger, and continued to play. Several more hours passed and the pain only grew, I felt the gaze of Hayden several times but thought nothing of it. The pain suddenly grew to be too much to bear, as I dropped to the floor.
“Nurse!!!” Hayden yelled out the door.
Almost instantly, a nurse came running in. Sure enough, it was another pope alien, this one named Megan.
“What has happened here?” She looked from Hayden to me. A look of realization came across her face. “Oh my… with a human, sir?”
Hayden only smiled in return. I gave Hayden a puzzled look, only to receive the same smile. Next thing I knew, something felt like it was ripping it’s way out of me. I looked wildly from Megan’s shocked face, to Hayden’s twisted smile. Next thing I knew, I was unconscious.

�'≡�'≡�'

I awoke in a haze, everything was spinning. I came to the conclusion that I was in a hospital, as things became clearer. I was lying in a bed, Hayden, Vivian, Shayna and Courtney all stood around the bed. They all looked fairly happy, except Vivian.
“What’s going on?”
“You are in the hospital wing of the ship.” Hayden spoke.
“They managed to patch the hole up in your chest.” Shayna continued.
“And they got the baby out safely.” Finished Courtney.
“Well that’s a relief…” I spoke relaxing. Then it sank in. “Wait…”
I looked at each of them, finally beginning to clue in. I pull up my shirt finding a bandaged hole on my chest. Just then, the nurse from before came walking in, pushing a trolley in front of her. I couldn’t see what was inside the basket on the trolley but I had a horrible feeling I knew what it was.
“That hole in your chest is quite interesting, right next to your heart, there seems to be some kind of organ most humans don’t have located there.” The nurse told me this, as I poked at it, slightly confused. “You are also lucky, at the time when the baby came out of there, it seemed like you were fairly intoxicated, likely from the video games. Video games are now made with drugs put in them, to keep you concentrated. These drugs seemed to keep you alive during the birthing.”
At this point, I was beyond confused. It was at this moment, alien pope nurse Megan decided to hand me the basket. Inside, cradled in blankets, was a tiny baby. It looked somewhat like me but also resembled the alien popes.
“It’s a boy!” Alien pope Megan told me.
My brain was trying so hard to figure out what was going on but I continued to come up blank, looking from face to face. My eyes finally landed on Hayden and it all made sense.
“Wait… You? And… And me?” I stuttered, staring at Hayden. He nodded with a large grin on his face. My mind stopped quite suddenly and only one thing came to my head.
“His name is Randy.” I looked down at what I had created and repeated his name. “Randy.” Randy let out a tiny, baby alien pope laugh and I laughed in return.