Dark Chariot

Dark Chariot

A Poem by Shadowlily

Scorch me with thy words of fire
I will not burn under the heat
Send thy hell hounds full of desire
They will not obey Monsieur
Take my life, you damned vampire
I'd rather die than be yours
Tell me more of what you admire
I will not...
Pause... to... retire
I... I refused to go
Please stop to look at me dark stranger
I feel him in my soul.
Tell me more you sweet liar
I will listen though I know
What is wrong with me my sire ?
I love you so
To his home we traveled
Quiet and slow
I am lost to what just transpired
In the darkness we rode
You could feel his voice burn as he spoke
"I will never let you go" 

© 2010 Shadowlily


Author's Note

Shadowlily
Lol I don't know what to say other than, be kind =)

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

The rhyme is excellent. The meter is off in places, but I don't think you should change it... it gives the poem an almost rugged feeling, which I like. Your choice, though.

I got really excited at the beginning, hoping it would be a diss on Twilight-like, automatic vampire love. But I like how it turned out even better: it seems as if the narrator has been hypnotized somehow during the ...'d section, and the shift is clear. A rather eerie ending... his voice burns... "never let you go"... I can't decide if it's good or bad. But maybe that's the point! ;)

Overall, an entertaining poem. Great job.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Very introspective and dark.. I can relate and love to write this way..

Posted 13 Years Ago


This too was a very dramatic fast-paced write I loved it

Posted 13 Years Ago


ooooo dark...hate to be there.. good write tho

Posted 13 Years Ago


The rhyme is excellent. The meter is off in places, but I don't think you should change it... it gives the poem an almost rugged feeling, which I like. Your choice, though.

I got really excited at the beginning, hoping it would be a diss on Twilight-like, automatic vampire love. But I like how it turned out even better: it seems as if the narrator has been hypnotized somehow during the ...'d section, and the shift is clear. A rather eerie ending... his voice burns... "never let you go"... I can't decide if it's good or bad. But maybe that's the point! ;)

Overall, an entertaining poem. Great job.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

272 Views
4 Reviews
Rating
Added on December 1, 2010
Last Updated on December 1, 2010
Tags: Dark, Vampire, desire, deceit, hell, darkness, power

Author

Shadowlily
Shadowlily

Youngstown, OH



About
I'm random but sensible. I'm young but wise. I've lived through pain but died a little inside. I am stronger than I was before. I'm not religious but I resurrected myself. I'm the li.. more..

Writing
Mooch Mooch

A Poem by Shadowlily



Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..


Beautiful Sunset Beautiful Sunset

A Poem by TJ


Why Why

A Poem by So Sick of Love