A House of Cards

Sometimes things need to be broken before they can be fixed.

A House of Cards

I like waking up early, sometimes even when dawn is a shadow away from my window. I know that my mother secretly wonders if I ever sleep at all. I can read this question on her face every day when she stumbles into the kitchen for her morning coffee only to find me already up- bright and ready for the day. Today was no exception. The day was September the 16^th- My ninth birthday. It was a bright, sunny day and I woke up feeling happy and hopeful. Perhaps if the day had been cloudy or stormy I might have had a little clue as to how it would actually turn out.

I got ready for school and skipped happily to the kitchen, excitement bubbling in my chest. I came to a standstill at the doorway; my heart seized with disappointment. No mother, no father, no Kay and certainly no birthday breakfast.  I made myself swallow the disappointment and enter the room to make some breakfast. I was used to this after all, the rest of the household usually rose from their deep slumbers only after I left for school. Why should today be any different? I concluded that they will probably do something special for me in the evening, this thought brightened me up instantly, and I skipped out of the door, whistling the birthday tune to myself.

My excitement and expectations rose steadily throughout the day and reached fever-pitch by the time the final bell of the day rang. I nearly sprinted home- in my haste to not be late to my own wishful birthday party.

“Ma, Pa, Kay,” I cried out happily, throwing the front door open. “I’m home!”

Silence. An empty house greeted me and echoed back my shouts.

I dropped my belongings by the side of the door and trudged to the sofa, feeling hopelessly dejected. I curled up on the couch and tried to coax my tears to stay where they were- and not to slide down. The day was only half-way through after all. Surely, they wouldn’t have forgotten. Just when I was about to give up and start bawling at the top of my lungs, I felt a tap at my shoulder and heard someone whisper my name.

“Maya, happy birthday!” It was my brother, Kay. He held his arms out for a hug and I eagerly tumbled into them.

I looked up at him and whispered, “You remembered.”

He mussed up my hair and gave a sad little smile, “Of course, I did. What kind of a brother would I be if I forgot, huh?”

I stuck my tongue out at him and replied cheekily, “Like a Kay.”

He chuckled and the sadness left his face for a moment. Kay was always sad these days. I couldn’t figure out why- I tried asking him, bribing him with chocolate, I even let him play with my Lego set. And yet he refused to tell me what was bothering him, he would simply dismiss me with a shake of his head. Mother told me that that was how teenagers were- moody, sad and unpredictable. In that case, I told her that I never wanted to be a teenager. She had laughed at me in response.

Kay picked me up now and threw me over his shoulders. I clasped my hands around his neck and squealed with delight.

“A piggy-back ride!” I exclaimed, “Are we going on an adventure?”

“Yes we are,” he replied, making his way out of the door. When I was younger, he used to take me on piggy-back rides to wonderful new lands and meet new people he could make up at the tip of his fingers. He would call it a grand adventure, even though all we did in the end was go around the neighbourhood and talk to silent lampposts and indifferent post boxes. These quests had stopped when he had become a ‘teenager’ and hence I was both curious and excited to see where he would take me today.

“How was your day?” he asked me, pausing for a moment to get a better grip of my legs. I started chattering on about what happened in school that morning and so failed to pay attention to where he was taking me. My mouth literally fell open when we finally reached our destination- it was the dog pen in our neighbourhood. He set me down and reached for his mobile phone.

“Roma, hi,” he greeted into the receiver. “We are outside.”

A minute passed. The gates screeched open and his friend peeked her head outside the gate. Her face lit up when she say us and she ran forward to hug me.

“Happy birthday Maya!” she squealed. I mumbled out a quick thanks and she slowly let me go. I’ve known Roma all my life. She lives next door to us and we pretty much grew up together. She is the same age as Kay and those two have been inseparable as far as I could stretch my memory. Due to this, I couldn’t help but dislike her at times, even though she always treats me like her own younger sister.

“Okay, come on then,” she said cheerfully and waved us in- putting an end to my reminiscing. I was excited to go in, I had never been inside the dog pen before- not because I hadn’t wanted to, but because I had been expressly forbidden not to.

From the outside, the place looked like any other official building in India- old and decrepit- but on the inside, the walls were painted a cheery blue and the kennels were kept extremely clean with only two dogs per kennel. There were a lot of puppies mucking about, as well as older and wiser looking canines. But they all seemed equally pleased to see me. Their tails wagged with happiness as I bent down to play with them, making me sigh with satisfaction. I loved dogs and have always wanted one of my own. Maybe Kay would let me take home one of them.

“Maya,” he called out.

“Yeah?”

He bent down next to me and asked, “Do you want a new puppy?”

I couldn’t believe my ears, he seemed to have read my mind.  “Yes!” I shouted happily, throwing my arms around him. He patted my back gently before disentangling himself away.

“Alright,” he said, with a serious look on his face. “Why don’t you choose one? Roma’s father promised me that you can have any dog you want. I’ll just be in the next room with Roma, okay?” He pointed towards an open doorway at the end of the room. 

I nodded happily in response looking towards the rows and rows of kennels. It is going to take me some time to choose. I barely noticed as he moved away from me.

“I don’t know what to do now,” his voice drifted back to me as I stood peering at each dog in turn, “I think I might have to leave.”

Roma’s voice sounded shocked as she replied, “No, that can’t be it. Where will you even go?”

My ears perked up at that and I glanced in the direction Kay had left. The two of them were just visible inside that room. Kay was sitting in a chair by a desk with his usual look of gloominess- multiplied by a dozen times- while Roma stood leaning against the desk, looking at him with eyes full of earnestness.

“Please Karthick,” she continued. “Think about your mother and sister.”

Kay covered his face with his hands and sighed with weariness. “You’re right,” He sighed again. “Of course you’re right, I just needed to hear that. But I still have to think of another way to deal with him.”

The tone in which he said that last sentence scared me- it held a daunting ring of finality and I had a feeling I knew whom he was talking about. I didn’t want to hear any more of their conversation and so I called out in a tone of forced excitement, 

“Kay, I want this one.”

My eyes were trained on the puppy I had chosen. He was entirely black in colour and didn’t seem to belong to any particular breed, but his tail has been wagging ever since we entered the room and I had developed a liking for him at once.

Roma knelt in front of his kennel to let him out, “Good choice,” she commented. 

“He’s a favourite of mine.”  

“Has he been vaccinated?” Kay asked with a worried look in his eyes. She smiled indulgingly at him and replied with,

“Of course! All the dogs are.”

“Okay,” he shrugged and looked at me. “You’re sure?”

I nodded and hugged the puppy to my chest. He nodded in acceptance and glanced back at Roma. “Alright then, I guess he’s the lucky guy. Thanks.”

She blushed lightly and said, “It was no big deal.”

“Still, we would like to do something for you. Why don’t you come for dinner tonight?” he invited. “What do you say Maya?”

I ignored the twinge in my chest and nodded my head approvingly, “Yeah, come. It’s for my birthday.”

“Alright,” she smiled at me and reached down to muss my hair up- I dodged. “I’m not going to miss your birthday dinner for anything.”

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We entered our home to find Mother pacing up and down the living room worriedly. Her eyes lit up as soon as she saw us and she came barrelling forward.

“Where were you?” she demanded menacingly. “I was so worried. Karthick, I’ve told you a-”

Her voice faltered as her eyes came to rest on the dog.

“You bought her a dog?”  

Kay winced slightly before his face settled into a defensive expression. “Yes, she needs someone to watch out for her after all.”

Mother’s face turned red with embarrassment and then slowly purple with anger. I was fascinated by this exchange of colours and I glanced curiously between the two of them.

“What do you mean by that?” Her voice cracked like a whip.

He shrugged defiantly, “I mean that she needs protection from that husband of yours.”

Realisation dawned on me and my heart started beating faster. I didn’t like it when Kay spoke about Father like that. My mom noticed then that I was still standing there and she ordered me to go to my room. I scampered away, gladly. I hated it when things got “serious”.

Once, Kay and I had been watching a show on TV- in which a magician had stacked together a house of cards, each card balanced precariously against another- when he had pointed at the screen and said, “Our family is just like that- a breath of air away from tumbling apart,” He paused and added theatrically, “Forever.”

Then, I had laughed and nudged him to shut up. Later, I began to realise that he was right. However much I wished our family to be like the one on Modern Family, I knew in my heart that we weren’t. That there was something wrong in the way there were always fresh bruises covering my mother’s arms and even her neck sometimes when I see her in the mornings. In the way, my dad comes home drunk almost every night. In the way, I could sometimes hear my mother cry in the night, even when I pull the blanket over my face and cover my ears with a pillow. They thought I didn’t know what was going on. But I was nine- not blind- and the walls were pretty thin as well. I’m sure even Roma knew what was going on.

Dinner that night, turned out to be quite eventful. Father came home, drunk, as always, plumped down at the dining table without even giving me the birthday wishes I had been secretly yearning for. In fact he said nothing at all, just stared moodily at the food and ignored the other members of his family. He did manage to give a weak greeting to Roma- he had to keep up appearances after all.   Kay glared at Father, who hardly seemed to sense his son’s disgust or care much if he did.

I tried to bring down the tension gathered around the table by talking about my new puppy, excitedly. Mother and Roma pitched in whenever they could. I had to hand it to them, they seemed determined to make this dinner a success- or at least not a complete failure.

“You wouldn’t believe what Rocky did today,” I had named the dog Rocky, “He actually tried to catch a fly, he kept jumping around and turning in circles. It was so funny, Ma, you should have seen it.”

“Yes, I wish I had, honey. Why don’t you tell your dad about what you did in school today?” Mother suggested.

“No, that’s enough,” The command was given quietly, but it had the anger of a raging bull behind it.

“But dad,” I said, leaning forward, ready to launch into the story.

“I said, stop talking.” His pent-up anger manifested itself abruptly, and he struck me on the side of my face. I was stunned, this wasn’t the first time he had raised a hand to me. But this was the first time he hit me with no warning, or for no reason. The table erupted in chaos. Mother started crying helplessly, Kay leapt out of his chair- his fist raised, and Roma, poor brave Roma, tried to get in between the two of them and stop them from hurting one another.

Father was beyond help now- he literally shook with fury, however he was still sensible enough to know when he was outnumbered and unwanted- and wisely retreated by stalking out of the house.

“I’m going to kill him,” announced Kay in anger, shaking his still raised fist at the doorway through which Father had left.  Mother came to stand next to him and put her hand on his shoulder, trying to calm her son down. “I’m serious Ma, I hate that man.”

Slap. He stared at his mother with incredulous eyes, unable to comprehend how she could still stand up for such a man. I felt numb, I couldn’t understand her either.

His eyes started to tear up at the hopelessness of the entire situation. I was pretty much bawling at this time and could hardly make sense of what was happening. I found myself wishing that I had never been born into this family.

“Ma, what is wrong with you?” Kay swiped his hand across his eyes.  “He hit your daughter. Do you not care about that?”

She stared back at him with tears falling down her face in tiny rivulets, but she quickly composed her face into a no-nonsense expression and said, “That’s enough. Go to your room.”

He stared at her flabbergasted for a second, threw his hands up with frustration, and stalked out of the room.

My mother glanced apologetically at Roma and said, “I’m sorry you had to see that,” Her face turned stern again, “But, I trust that you will be discrete.”

Roma nodded and acquiesced. I’m not sure what exactly she agreed to but I can never forget the steely expression in her eyes as she bent down to take my hand and lead me to my room. She got me ready for bed and tucked me in,

“I’m sorry your birthday was ruined,” she whispered while adjusting the pillows.

“It’s okay,” I placated her. “I still got Rocky.”

“And me,” She reminded gently, leaning forward to kiss my forehead. These were the times I forgot the jealousy and truly loved her back like a sister. An echo came from the doorway. “And me.” Kay walked in and sat on the other side of my bed.

“I’m sorry that happened,” he apologised, stroking my hair. I looked straight into his eyes, hoping that he would realise that I understood, hoping that maybe some of the pain in his eyes would disappear.

“Please don’t do anything to Father,” I pleaded with him, Kay gets a certain determined look on his face when he sets his mind to do something- he had that look now and I had a feeling that it wasn’t to do any good. I had to change his mind. “I’m sure he didn’t mean to, you know how he is.”

And that was the final whisper needed for our house of cards to come crashing down. Kay’s jaw tightened with anger the moment I finished speaking and I knew that I had said the wrong thing. Roma did as well, for she looked at me with eyes full of pity, so much so that I wished to disappear under my blanket forever- just to never again have someone look at me that way again.

She put a hand on Kay’s shoulder and motioned for him to get up. “Let her get some sleep,” she said, slowly leading him to the door. “Good night, Maya.” She called out to me before exiting my room. Kay wordlessly followed her out and they went inside his room. I knew this for his room was right next to mine and their whispers could be heard floating through the wall.

“Did you hear that?” Kay’s voice was harsh and full of anguish.

“Yes, but please calm down Kay.”

“How can you expect me to do that?” Disbelief and contempt seeped through his voice which caused tears to start gathering in my eyes. I had said something wrong.

He continued. “Don’t you see now that something must be done? She is learning to make excuses for him, just like Ma.”

“I understand, but I think you should go to the police or some NGO,” she suggested earnestly. “You can’t take things into your own hands.”

He didn’t reply. I heard her give out a sigh.

“Promise me,” she pleaded. “Promise me that you aren’t going to run away, or try to hurt your father or do something else which may inevitably hurt you or Maya.”

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to run away, I gave up on that idea long ago.” I could almost picture the look of dejection with which he would have said that. “But I can’t promise you that I won’t try to hurt him. I’ve kept my mouth shut for too long.”

A pause and then he continued in a tone devoid of any emotion, “I thought you would understand.” His voice scared me, it seemed to be coming from another person entirely- someone much colder and much angrier.

“I do, I’m just trying to stop you from doing something rash. Something which you may come to regret later on.”

Her sentence was punctuated with a sniffle. Roma was crying, this realisation made my tears start to flow down faster.

“Don’t cry, please.” He sounded gentle, comforting- more like himself. “I promise alright, I won’t hurt him.”

A few sobs, and then I could hear her take in deep breaths. “Okay, but let me be there when you do speak to him.” She sounded calmer now.

“Okay.” He assured her. I didn’t feel so assured though, an indescribable fear had taken a hold of me and I knew that whatever Kay was planning to do, a promise won’t hold him back and it was going to change our lives forever.

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Roma was shot exactly five feet away from where I had been standing. Kay had counted. Repeatedly- when the paramedics came to rush her to the hospital, when the splotches of blood had run cold and dry, even when the police had been questioning him. He walked back and forth, from where I had been standing to the spot and back again, always counting under his breath. One, two, three, four, five and a turn, again one, two, three… and so on.  

Mother worried constantly, and begged him to stop. She tried to drag him away, but he would wrench himself free and go back to his routine. His psychiatrist explained that this was his way of dealing with the accident and asked Mother to give him some space to cope with the guilt.  Kay had laughed at the psychiatrist, not because he was funny, but because he was right, oh so very right. It had been an accident and he was trying to handle both the fact that I had witnessed the entire gruesome episode and that he had hurt his best friend albeit unintentionally. I knew this for he came to my room every day to apologise and to explain why he had done it. He could hardly look me in the eye and always treated me like I was made of porcelain. Kay hasn’t realised yet that I’m more worried for him than for myself.

------------------------

Father had stormed in the night after my fateful birthday and started on his usual tirade of how this family was indebted to him, and how he was the reason we were not out on the streets, yada, yada, et cetera. 

Mother bore it all with the attitude of a person who has hung up her gloves and given up on the fight, I was playing on the floor with Rocky along with Roma when the incident began.

I brought my knees up to my chest and started rocking back-and-forth, looking wildly from one person to the next. Roma went entirely still, her eyes fixed on Kay. Kay himself was the only one who had reacted calmly, he had been waiting for this moment all day- he had been prepared.

“Father, please, that’s enough,” Kay said with a deathly calm. “You can’t hit your wife and daughter and expect them to be okay with it. Nobody in this room will ever forgive you for what you did. Why don’t you hit me instead? For once?” He paused and gave a theatrical snort. “I’ll tell you why- because you are a big fat coward. You only take it out on those who can’t hit back.”

This only served to infuriate Father, as he had intended it to. But Father did not retaliate by trying to strike him, instead he decided to grab a hold of little old me and give me a knock on the head. I was surprised at the wave of shock and hatred which swept through me when he did that. I didn’t like what was happening, and I certainly didn’t want to be involved. Roma stepped forward and tried to pull me away from him, he gave her a livid look which she ignored. I glanced helplessly at Kay, things were happening too quickly and none to my liking.

“Don’t you dare move or say another word, both of you! Or,” he motioned with his hand, making it clear that he had no qualms about hitting his dear sweet daughter-Me- again. I couldn’t believe my father was capable of such cruelty. I started shaking with fear and the silence was punctuated by my hysterical sobs. Father didn’t care, he let go of me though and I tumbled into the safety of Roma’s arms. Father didn’t even look at me. His eyes were shining with the deadly mix of alcohol and anger, and they were fixed maliciously on Kay. 

Kay slowly and deliberately slid a gun out of his pocket and pointed it at Father. Roma gasped and started whispering over and over again, “Don’t, don’t, please don’t,”

Mother hid her face in her hands, unable to bear the situation, but she wasn’t worried. For she thought she recognised the gun he was holding up, it was the toy gun which they had gotten him when he turned eleven. It only shot out blanks. It looked like a pistol, but it definitely didn’t have the power to kill a person. Or so she was thinking, when she heard the shots being fired.

Boom. Boom.

And when I saw my brother press down on the trigger.

Boom. Boom.

And when Roma jumped right in front of father and held her hands out in the universal gesture for stop.

Boom. Boom.

“NO!” Kay shouted, disbelief etched in his features. He rushed forward to catch Roma before she fell. Her face was contorted with pain and she clutched at her leg.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Kay whispered his apology in a torrent of words. He helped her move to the couch. Blood started pooling down her leg and left a trail of spots as she limped forward. That’s when realisation dawned on me, it had been an actual gun. Not his toy one. He had actually meant to hurt Father with it.

My father must have realised this as well for he was staring at Kay with an expression full of horror. Surprisingly my mother turned out to be the person most stable in this situation and she quickly picked up the phone to dial for help.  

The last thing he told us that night, before the police came, was, “I’m sorry, I never meant to hit him, just wanted to scare him. I was aiming inches away from his feet, I never expected her to jump in like that. Roma has got to be the bravest and stupidest girl ever,” he ended with a shake of disbelief.

I didn’t understand why he felt the need to scare Father then, I just wished he hadn’t felt the need to do something in the first place. Then, Roma wouldn’t have gotten hurt. However, he did help fix our family. The shock of the incident and what might have been his fate, brought my dad crashing down to Soberland. He never touched a drop of alcohol after that and constantly worked to win back our good graces. Mother and I forgave him at once, Kay took a little more time. But in the end, Roma convinced him. The bullet had just grazed her leg and she was back to bullying Kay within the week. The police were happy enough to believe our story about it being an accident and things went back to normal far more quickly than I would have anticipated- except that life was so much better now. In the end I realised that despite all the twists and turns my birthday wish was granted- A family I could be proud to be a part of.  

-- The End --

 

  

Author's Note

I wrote this for a contest that requires three main charcters. Please give me honest feedback. Thanks!

Reviews

[Persona]

I liked how it started and thought that it was from the third person limited perspective of Maya. I thought it would follow her story entirely then you suddenly went on a tangent and made the story about the mother instead. When the domestic abuse topic came from nowhere I was disappointed because I liked the innocence of Maya. I was very curious when she awoke and no one was there. I liked that. Kay's dialogue after 'let's go to the police' sounds unnatural and then the characters all literally telling a lot of back story. In real conversations, people don't give long speeches. You lost me at that point. Maybe if these were two separate short stories they'd both be good.

[Harshini Rajachander]

Okayy.. thanks a lot! i was trying to work out how to make three people equally important in a story.. Any suggestions for this one?

[J. K. Beach]

Harshini,

I actually think you have the makings of a great story. You have a good way with dialogue and the action and plot of this house of cards is compelling. I think, though, that the previous reviewer is right about some aspects of the story, but don't abandon all hope. I wouldn't break into two stories. That would probably just water both of them down. The key is to strengthen what you already have going on.

For me the unfolding of the abuse issue was the key to the story. A piece about birthday disappointments would have left me wanting more. The transition from innocence to her feelings after the purposeful accident could be enlightening if handled properly.

If you are going to have three or more main characters in such a short story you really need to tell the story from the perspective of only one of them. If I were choosing, I would use Kay. That will leave you some leeway with the narrative parts near the end, but I would still use a minimum of narrative and let the dialogue set the back-story.

One other possibility, though a bit trickier, would be to alternate between Maya and Kay, but leave the mother in the background like you did pretty effectively with the father. Have both Kay and Maya tell parts of the story from their perspectives with some shared dialogue. for example let Maya wake up and do her thing, but in the next section maybe have Kay secretly witness her leaving and have him reveal his plans for the puppy/gift--and so forth like that.

In any event keep the main characters in the first person and work the dialogue for all it's worth. Use active rather than passive verbs where possible.

As far as the form of the writing goes, I would encourage you to indent paragraphs (I try to do it as I go and not wait for later edits). Not only does it relieve the monotony of the page it breaks narrative portions into meaningful related chunks. Also, when you properly indent and format dialogue you immediately know which parts are dialogue and which parts are narrative. Then it's easier to adjust the ratio of one to the other.

The only other thing I noticed were some typos of the kind that a spell-checker will always miss--fragments of words misspelled that are actually words themselves. You'll just have to look carefully for those.

I encourage you to revise this one, because I believe it has a lot of potential. If I didn't I would not have spent more than just a few minutes reviewing it. Good luck and have fun with it! You have a great start.

JKB

[Harshini Rajachander]

Thanks a lot! I was on the verge of giving up on this story. I will keep all your suggestions in mind and definitely work on improving it.
Again, I can't thank you enough for giving me such a detailed review, it made my day!:D
-Harshini.

[J. K. Beach]

You're welcome... I did enjoy it!