Take A Second Look

Take A Second Look

A Poem by Chris

I'm diving...
Deeper into the darkness...
Further from the light.
I'm trying...
Avoiding being heartless...
Doing something right.
I'm dying...
Slowly becoming harmless...
Refusing to fight.
I'm lying...
Becoming one of the breathless...
Losing all my might.
I dived into darkness away from the streetlights.
I tried to do something right pushing him away from headlights.
I died and took his place in the street.
I lied there watching the driver retreat.
I saved his life by giving my own.
I will die with my deed unknown.

© 2011 Chris


Author's Note

Chris
Another quick write, experimenting with new ideas.
Reviews encouraged!

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Reviews

The visual presentation is the best aspect of this poem, I think. The way that the introductory lines are typed catches the reader's attention and the style goes nicely with the laconic statements. One part seemed a little incongruous: the line "I'm lying...Becoming one of the breathless....Losing all my might."--the theme tying together the three parts of that statement was kind of hard to grasp, until I read the smaller lines underneath and the whole of the story was revealed. It was interesting.

Posted 10 Years Ago


You have a unique style, I like it. It's definitely something different and new. I like the imagery and thoughts. The rhyming also goes along well with it. I also like your titles, interesting and they catch my attention.

Posted 11 Years Ago


loved this poem! :)

Posted 11 Years Ago


This is a piece of amazing poetry! The structure, the imagery, the words, the fonts.. Speechlessly amazed by your work once again, great write :)

Posted 11 Years Ago


You're very creative! You never fail to amaze me with your writing. Keep it up :D

Posted 11 Years Ago


this was certainly something that I hadn't encountered yet...this style of writing is most peculier in it's own way...but!..I liked it the way it rhymed and flowed with what you were saying...I'll rate this one at 100/100...

Posted 11 Years Ago


A new concept of bringing out the thoughts. Creative you are and so are your thoughts. Completely Self-less thoughts , hard to fine in this materialistic world, and glad they are in you.

Keep up your creativity.

Posted 11 Years Ago


WOW
I LOVE it.
It reminds me of a Hollywood Undead song.
You perfected the feeling in this write.
I LOVE IT!

Posted 11 Years Ago


You are indeed a mystery. Kind of like having a playful ghost here at the cafe. Fun read.

Posted 11 Years Ago


love the format, very unique

Posted 11 Years Ago



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Added on April 23, 2011
Last Updated on April 23, 2011

Author

Chris
Chris

Hanover, MD



About
My birthday is the 26th of May 1992. Quotes: "We're the middle children of history, man--no purpose or place. We have no great war. No great depression. Our great war's a spiritual war. Our grea.. more..

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