the coming

the coming

A Poem by HB
"

"Hammer Horror" ;P

"

When night does break
with aching dawn,
that bleeding sun horizon

will leave me restless,
wishing deep
I had no cruel disguise on.

This dripping madness,
heaving me,
to covert bitter places...

My victims' eyes,
through fingertips,
the only visible traces.


Feb 21, 2011

© 2011 HB


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I like the structure - it's neat how, at first, it doesn't seem to rhyme, and then the ends of the stanzas do. It feels a little bit over-wrought to me though - the style doesn't feel so much like a broken mind as it does like an actor from a Hammer Horror film. Not that Hammer Horror is a bad thing, of course (you remember Vampire Circus...), but it IS a bit less effective than you might have meant.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I like the structure - it's neat how, at first, it doesn't seem to rhyme, and then the ends of the stanzas do. It feels a little bit over-wrought to me though - the style doesn't feel so much like a broken mind as it does like an actor from a Hammer Horror film. Not that Hammer Horror is a bad thing, of course (you remember Vampire Circus...), but it IS a bit less effective than you might have meant.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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HB
Thanks for your reviews!

I agree, this is definitely along the lines of Vampire Circus. ^.^
And ok, I put in punctuation, etc. Next time I go without, I'll make sure it reaaaaaally fits.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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3 Reviews
Added on April 2, 2011
Last Updated on April 4, 2011
Tags: serial killer, horror, death, dark

Author

HB
HB

Boston, MA



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