Twelve Years

thinking about monsters & memories of home

It �" he �" awakens.

Gangly arms and legs push a skinny brown body

Out of his graffiti-stained bunker home and into the early morning.

Once upon a time, soldiers hid up there, on the lookout for the Japanese.

As the world gets louder, he hides from the

Humans with their chatter and their cameras

Who would undoubtedly faint at the sight of an

Island monster.

He is not a tourist attraction,

Although he does live in one.

Not many people understand this, but at least

She did. (Still does?)

He climbs to the top, sits with his knees

Pressing into his bare chest.

He waits for sunrise,

And also for other things that are too painful to think about.

When he’s enjoying a Spam-and-rice plate lunch in a flimsy Styrofoam container,

The afternoon sun causing sharkbait tourists to purchase overpriced aloe,

She’ll be eating mainland food as the evening sky fades to black.

It’s the same sky, the same sun, but a six-hour time difference is hard to contemplate.

He knows that it’s not right for monsters to get a happy ending,

(Especially when a haole girl is involved)

But he was still hoping for a story that could go from

B-movie to Best Picture because of how damn inspiring it is.

When she was fifteen, going on sixteen,

He took her here to watch the sun come up.

Below them, the town slept.

He wonders if she still remembers

Watching the sky turn the same color as

The pink and orange beach blanket

He had placed around her shoulders

Because the wind was giving her chicken skin.

That happened three years ago,

Nine years of her island life already

Done and gone before anyone realized it.

Watching the sunrise hurts, but he continues to sit

And wait

And wish

Swearing to himself to never forget,

Even if she already has.

Paradise: once was found,

Now feels lost.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I love your storytelling in poetry becuz it feels very original & a little bit sketchy, leaving lots to the reader's imagination. One thing that felt amazingly fluid to me is how you don't define the relationships between the narrator & the girl mentioned. It could be a romantic link or it could be a fatherly one, or many other possibilities. I love writing that is open-ended to include many possibilities, yet also specific enuf to tell a story we get emotionally involved in (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Hayley]

Thanks a lot! :) Just one question - is "sketchy" a bad thing? Do you think I should be more specific?

[barleygirl]

I am a sketchy writer, so I like it when a writer does not go on & on to make every single point. I like it better when some points are left unsaid, becuz that makes reading you a collaboration between writer & reader . . . letting the reader fill in some of the blanks. Some writers are TOO SKETCHY & I don't follow their message, but you convey a ton of detail & much of it sparks side thoughts in the reader's mind.

[Hayley]

Thank you! Just wanted to clarify. :) I really appreciate your feedback!

[‘Thoughts In Time..]

Hmmmm a rumbling in your spirit- this is very otherwise - I trust the setting sun will clear some wonderings if the soul, lighten the spirit and bring the heart out of hiding to be free once more to be who it should be🌹

[An owl on the moon]

What a profoundly moving glimpse of life lingering even as love fades in the memory of this once paradise. I loved all the details, the twists of words and phrases, the hints at their lives, the differences that pull on them. Reminded me of certain shadows I once saw in Hawaii...

[Hayley]

Thanks for the review! Definitely thinking about the good memories during my time living in Hawaii when I was writing this one. I'd call it bittersweet.

[An owl on the moon]

Ah, I am glad there were sweet memories there, even if mingled with the bitter. May only the sweet remain...

[Hayley]

Thank you :)

[roarke]

Great stuff here. Gritty and also fluid imagery. The kind of traction a hungry reader likes. One suggestion, Don't use the first line or the word his in the second line. let the "island monster" be introduced where it is. Nice bit of prose here.

[Hayley]

Thank you for your comments & feedback!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

wow, Hayley...you just absolutely move me so much with your poetry...you have the talent to get us directly into the eye of the storm of feelings. I think he is a monster with great heart...and she is like beauty with the beast....thinking of him six hours away...and what is going through his mind as well.
if only we could take back some of the old days...would we really do anything different? in hindsight yes, but at the time...life takes its own direction...and sometimes we cannot control it.
j.

[Hayley]

Thanks for the review, means a lot :)

[ExposedSiren]

I hurt for the boy in this, I feel the yearning. Thank you.

[Hayley]

no, thank you!