Poem 5. Building My Home

I don't want a broken family. I'll do my best to fix what is broken...

I felt my home
 is losing it's pillar one by one
The love is nearly gone.
            
             I saw one pillar breaks
              but I can't move my feet
              The only thing I did was beseech
                      
                        hoping that it was just a dream
                        that when tomorrow comes
                        I would see it strong again.
   
    I don't want to live
    in a broken home
    where I could be alone.
             
                   I want to fix
                   what has broken
                    to live with joy again.
                        
                                    My life is them
                                    my family
                                    may God help me to see.
                                    
                       I am my home's
                       best engineer
                     I'm building my home dear.
                         
         

Author's Note

Reviews

[Rhianne Ney]

For something inspired by a song, this sure is something great and well written something that really connects from where it was inspired from. Teacher, your work here is really great to read (:

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thanks :)

[Rhianne Ney]

You're welcome

[gabrielle]

I find that in today's world, the sanctity of marriage is becoming more and more meaningless. The voice in this piece, however, is showing me otherwise. I truly admire your courage and dedication for your family.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thanks for the compliment and time reading this piece.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

I like the thought of this piece, the woman usually holds the promises of a better home. this is an honest and relevant writing. I find this as a weak spot in your work.
"The only thing I did was sleep" seems contradictory to the positive progression of the succeeding lines. But overall it is a nice penned.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thanks, Marc. Is it really the woman who should be stronger to hold the family tie? I just don't know, but that's what I feel- that I should do my best to keep my family.
I changed the last word in that line. I don't know if I had fix the weakness of the poem. I am really grateful for constructive comments like yours. I feel that you help me edit my work. Thanks, again.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Welcome always :)

[Pax]

I believed that : "a home is where your heart belongs" ~ so no matter what obstacle life and situations throws at us... a home is always there building your shield and suvive all the way. we share the same culture kabayan so this write is very near to home.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thanks, Pax. We really don't know what will happen to our lives on the next hours, day, months or year. I am carrying a cross right now but I only leave it all to God. My family is my treasure.

[Souladareatease]

This is wonderful (i've a passion for three:)
very sad indeed, to watch foundations crumble or shake...
enjoyed this write-in its depth of sadness and strength of holding on.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thanks, Odysseus. Once you have a treasure in your hand, you won't make it fall on the ground...

[Holly Mason]

wishing you all the best in this endeavor
you have written out your plan now...build your home
do not get hurt in the middle,be careful
this is an amazing write letting the reader into your world
I have never read anything quite like this trying to stop the home from being homeless
I truly enjoyed it
thank you for sharing

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thank you so much for the good words. :)