Poem 14. The Happy Face

(A Tanka)

 

Smiles hide the truth

Laughter covers all the worsts

Bittersweet mem'ries

Concealed by a happy face

Another show is waiting.

~~¤~~

 

Author's Note

Reviews

[Sir Joe]

Dhaye, the thought it tries to convey holds much weight. Though the meaning of the whole poem has already been overused, you were able to deliver it in a different way, in a way which doesn't make it sound as a cliche.

The first two lines are clear. However, the following lines are somewhat distracting. They hinder the flow springing from the first two lines. I think it would help if you utilized some punctuation marks which could make the phrasing more concrete.

Try reading it again and you will find the third, fourth and last lines "rocky". Consider smoothening the flow of the reading experience of the readers. You may also separate the last line from the rest for it holds a heavy thought of its own. It's like you are separating a sentence from a paragraph out of necessity.

These are just as far as my views are concerned. You may or may not follow these suggestions of mine.

More power to you, Dhaye!



- joe

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Okay. Thanks, Sir Joe. I'll try to improve it with punctuations. But I am not pretty sure of what will be the result. Hope you're patient enough to tell me all my flaws here.
I can't think of something to improve the lines.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Hay naku..Hindi mo na ako pinansin Sir Joe. Anyway, nilagyan ko ng punctuation kanina, inalis ko uli kasi parang minasang tinapay. Ang gulo talaga. I did my best to change the 3rd and 4th line.
Whew! It's not easy to make a Tanka!

[Sir Joe]

Busy kasi aq dto training eh,,,,d p namin break,,,,pasulpot-sulpot lang aq dto sa wc hehehe sorry

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Sir Joe ang galing mo :) thanks sa lahat :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Magpaturo ka sa akin di hahahahah Lol :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Joke lang :) pareho tayo mahirap mag gawa ng tanka.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Yes, Marc. Mas madali para sa akin ang Limerick kasi yung rhyming lang susundin doon. Ang Tanka...tankatutak na revision. Huhuhu!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

lol :) ok lang ma learn din natin pag kasama natin Sir Joe :)

[Sir Joe]

No problem, Sir Marc. Basta kayo ayos lang!!!
Kelangan kc gumamit ng laptop dto sa training kya pasulpot-sulpot aq dto hehehe
=)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

San ka na ba? travel?

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Sir :)

[Sir Joe]

Dhaye, the changes you made now make the flow of the poem better. =) It's smoother now. =)

[Sir Joe]

Eto, nasa naga hehehe

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thanks, Sir Joe. Basahin mo yung comment ko sa new pic mo during your presentation. haha!

[Sir Joe]

cge po hahaha wait

[SyberRose]

Loved the poem the music and the photo...Enjoyed....SyberRose

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it. :)

[Khaled A Khunaifer]

nice poem, inspired me to write one

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thanks. :)

[Sami Khalil]

I like this poem a lot and your thoughts. Well done as always...:)

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thanks, Sami. :)

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)

[Ency Bearis]

I like the brevity but remarkable. Nice verses.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thanks po, Sir Ency. :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Speaks the very truth, love the stunning words and brilliant write in a few words. I love the music it empowers the emotions in this piece. Love it Dhaye :)

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thanks, Marc. Any suggestion? Lol. :) Hehehe. Sabi mo paturo ako sa iyo. Nakaka-miss magkulitan ano? Hindi na natin kasabay online now si Pax na makulit din. Masaya talaga pag marami.

[Sir Joe]

Turuan nyo aq gumawa ng tanka hehehe dq pa yan nata-try hehehe

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Lol ikaw pa Sir Joe ang galing mo lol

[Sir Joe]

Hahaha nag-gagaling galingan lng,,,,pro honestly, dq p nata-try magsulat ng tanka hehehe

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Ayan, kasi. Try mo kaya ung maiksi pero kumpleto na like haiku, Tanka, limerick at Cinquain. Para ikaw naman tuturuan ni Marc. hehehe.

[Sir Joe]

Hehehe never heard of the last two kinds. hehehe
Yes, tuturuan aq ni Sir Marc and ni Dhaye hehehe

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Lol :) Magresearch ka na lang. Kami kaya ni Marc ay nagtry lang ng kung anu-ano. Ako, preferred ko kasi yung mahahaba, free verse or with rhyme. Kaso naka-challenge talaga ang maiiksi. Hehe.

[Sir Joe]

hehehe cge research na lng aq hehehe

[Rachael]

Simple Yet Beautiful! This Tugged At My Heart. Great Job! :)

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thanks, Rachael. :)

[Souladareatease]

Beautiful Dhaye, sad and true :)
I so love tanka :)
I have been reading chapters too:) will comment soon!!!

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Wow! Thanks, man...:)

[Souladareatease]

Thank You!!!