Angel's Sin

They dont really flow, but something I wanted to get out of my head.

 

He is the moon on your face

The shadows in your house

The constant fear that follows you through the day

Angel’s child, the creature of beauty

Five times said he

And he was cast from the heavens white

 

Pluck a rose for every time you said three words

Tear a petal for every day I cried

Im left with a bare stem and a broken heart

Nothing left on the inside

Except the hate and despair I feel each day

 

Exquisite beauty is the sin I partake

Devils demons lift my body

My soul stays with the earth

The fire can have my flesh and skin

My heart is forever yours within

You’re the part of my spoils

I choose to leave

The diamond in the rough

That once again escapes my sieve

But holds my heart

 

Bloody daggers and broken glares

I see the hate building in the cracks in your lies

Angel’s sin bears a son

A son to hold me hostage from my divinity

 

Hells fire closes

A witch they say

Trials and tribulations them all

I hold your hand and flames lick my hair

Dance in the flames with me

We’ll love fire and passion within hells grasp

Reviews

[Vain Apocalypse]

I sense much potential in this, but I think that most of it has yet to be released. Revision in the rhyme scheme and the inclusion of punctuation (esp. commas, periods, and quotation marks) would make this piece much easier to read and therefore enjoy. Random rhymes do more to throw a reader than carry them, and a lack of punctuation leaves the critical reader uncertain how it's to be read.

This aside, I do enjoy much of the imagery here, and much of your phraseology.
"Pluck a rose for every time you said three words"
"Im left with a bare stem and a broken heart"
Lines like these lines work well off of each other.

The religious diction communicates to me an atmosphere of religious and romantic turmoil, specifically in how the two clash, romance and religion. Perhaps we've a story of forbidden love. There is also the element of disapproving outsiders communicated; this makes for a Romeo-Julietesque theme, the accursed lovers, their doom sealed by their own love. The poem ends on an ironically inspiring note by playing off of the strength of love, with the speaker quite willing to submit to his or her fate in the name of this love.

A fair write, fair enough to deserve revision.

[wolfsshadow25]

there is much passion and emotions in your writing great job