That's Me

A Story by Alyssa C.

That’s Me

Have you ever thought life just isn’t worth it? It’s not worth the pain? That you should just give up now before something bad happens? Have you ever gave up on something you really wanted to work hard for, something you really loved, something you wanted for the rest of your life, something that would make you happy again, and on the way to it, you gave up because you knew that it’ll bring you trouble? It’ll tear you down? Break your heart? Disappoint you? Ruin you? Eat at your soul? Yeah, well, that’s me…

I’ve given up so many times because I knew that on the way there, I won’t even have a soul. So many times I just wanted to keep on going, “Just go Alyssa, just go.” I’d whisper to myself. But I always stopped and walked back. There is always this thing that keeps me from going to my dreams and wishes.

I tried so hard to do it. To just ignore the past, to put aside the negativity. I’ve tried many times to be happy. And every time I give up, there’s always a question lingering in my head “Is there such thing as being happy?” there’s always this thing inside of me saying, “No, just stop.” Why? Why do I stop every time? How do I be happy when all these thing just pile on my shoulders, all this crap messing with my head? Things that make me sad, right when I was just there, when I could see the light and then BOOM! The door slams in my face. Hehe, that make sense?

I don’t know, I just feel trapped. Trapped in my own cage, ya know? Sigh.

And then there’s always this question, “Give up? Or keep trying?”

So then my lazy a*s always gives up.

Sigh.