Carrot and Stick

Sludge.

     With every thought my mind inches closer to the precipice. You nod and breath in slowly between pursed lips, a barely perceptible whistle. You tell me how the universe provides a service for someone in my condition, if that is what we desire. I know that you know, but I can’t get traction, gray mud, cataract vision, unhealthy skin, ugliness is a disease and I am diseased.

     You leave and I fester, thinking better of moving, what’s the point, atrophy, entropy? My phone rings and its you telling me that you are at happy hour, what is that? You tell me to come down, I say no. You tell me that Julie is asking about me.  I start thinking about which jeans are clean and if I should comb my hair or wear a hat. Maybe I will live, just maybe.

Author's Note

Sometimes it takes it takes some prodding....

Reviews

[syzygy]

I like your style, sir.

And I've got to say, I think it's a good thing this is a small story...I think fleshing it out, adding details, would make it less universal. We've all had this moment, man or woman: those last three lines, with a name change, have definitely happened to me, especially as a teenager.

Enjoyed reading this quite a bit, thanks for sharing it.

[Crowley]

I love the short shorts. There is some pleasure in trying to get a point across in such a small space that either 1. is so identifiable that you need say no more or 2. is full in and of itself, but is just enough to leave a reader wondering what they are missing in that characters life. Thank you so much for the review...I really appreciate it!!!

[emmajoy]

'' My phone rings and its you telling me that you are at happy hour, what is that? You tell me.. .. ' More to come, a hint, a revelation - perhaps"

Life is a chance waiting to be found? Too easy to read a chapter, too hard to write it? Waiting is sickening when tis only the One Person wondering what to do next, giving up, shrugging, feeling that nothing is or ever will be right, etc. But then: light taps on the sadness, life takes hold and the She (in this case, but could be a He) steps from the following page and beckons. Life, maybe Love, is on the table again, maybe/ You've used a smooth flow of tempting words, great skill in making more out of brevity,and smiled a few lips as well.

[Crowley]

Thanks Emma...sometimes it just takes the right prod to get one moving again, and being social is a good cure for most types of blues...

[Onlyme]

Great story about being gentle in approach towards helping someone be motivated to do something positive for themselves. Rather than be sad and stuck in the mud, dwell on unhealthy emotions. Nicely done Crowley. Short, sweet and very thought-provoking. With heart and soul. Held within.

[Crowley]

Thanks Dawn, an attempt to write something, its been coming a bit harder as of late.

[Paul Bell]

Amazing how a woman can get you into gear.
All is good with the world again. Don't even care if she brings her mother.
Maybe that's pushing it too far.

[Crowley]

You got that right...just a little touch of perfection...

[barleygirl]

This is a great example of telling a tiny portion of a story in such a way that it makes a whole bunch more story pop out in the reader's mind. I envy your ability to get quite a bit into a story before you reveal where you're going with it, your mysterious approach, so to speak. Being able to LIVE this anecdote is part of the magic . . . taking your time, coaxing instead of prodding. Most people could not tease this situation out NOR could they tease out the telling of it, the way you do! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Crowley]

This one may be a little too short, but it was what was on my mind. Struggling a bit as of late soooo....Thanks you!!

[Lorry]

No matter how bad we feel and how awful life can make us feel, things can always change in an instant, and usually with women being involved. (remember all those favourite dinners mum made that took the clouds from us in childhood and replaced them with smiles?)
We are infinitely unique, yet the simpler sex by far.
And its only sexist if a chic says it :)

[Crowley]

A woman's touch is sometimes the best medicine, even if we are undeserving...lol. Thanks so much!!

[Gypsy Warrior Queen]

it's like me and this oddly sporadic hair casted leg or the fact I want a pedicure but dont want another dang person to ever touch my feet! lmbo!

[Crowley]

I like pedicures...they tickle but in a good way!!! Good to see you out and about today...you are on a roll!!!

[Gypsy Warrior Queen]

it's your spark of imagination Cee!