Blinded

Just like the sun,

your smiles so bright.

Find me;

illuminate my night.

 

Overwhelmed I am,

Just a shadow; no touch.

This empty void,

at times, is just too much.

 

Like the sun,

penetrate me with life.

Rescue me;

from the internal hate,

this strife.

 

Blinded by my darkness!

 

Blinded by my

evil deeds!

 

Blinded by my

sinful needs!

 

Like the sun,

your smiles so bright.

Cure my darkness,

blind me;

with your light!

Reviews

[Neville]

Well I could not put it better myself ---- I mean the positive views and opinions of so many of my reviewing predecessors ... I love your "Blinded by my
evil deeds!

Blinded by my
sinful needs!

Crammed full and overflowing with subliminally erotic messages that tantalise and tease. A real treat at breakfast time. Shame that I have to set off for the gym, but I will be back. AGT's N

[Dayran]

You're doing fine on your own!

[The Brokenheartist]

Interesting theme and concept. Here's my advice. Rework your punctuation. For example, stanza one:

Just like the sun;
your smile, so bright.
Find me.
Illuminate my night.

See? There's a punchiness that's missing when you run all your lines together. The punctuation directs the reader's ear. Don't be afraid of it; there's lots of ways to use it. You could even punctuate your first two lines like this:

Just like the sun,
your smile's so bright.

The ('s) doesn't add an extra syllable, so it doesn't wreck the flow.

Also, keep your stanzas to four lines for consistency. Strike the last two lines from stanza three; they're cliche and you're a better writer than that. Keep the first three lines of that stanza, but find a better rhyme for "life". In the very last stanza, combine the last two lines to read as one.

And my last piece of advice is about the text in bold. Keep them, but make them each a single line and insert them, individually, between each stanza. So the first line goes between stanzas one and two; the second line, between stanzas two and three; and the third line between stanzas three and four. And make sure to leave white spaces between all of the lines and stanzas.

So there you go. Take my advice or don't. I see a special spark in your words. You can bet I'll be reading more of your work...

[Tate Morgan]

Oh I love the rhyme in this

[Allen Smuckler]

I'm blinded by the light.....and dark.....and the beauty of this write
picture's not bad either
Well done, Beth

[misha]

This is an amazing piece!

[Art]

those sinful analysis can blind the very mind and yet even then we seek to be cured of the internal turmoil we live....seeking the very Light to fullfill the cure of ourselves...nicely written piece

[Judy Ponceby]

Have always loved the contrast of light and dark. You have penned this beautifully. We ache for the light to drive back the blindness in our souls.

[Blue Moon Ice Cream]

I can relate to this. To me, it really describes human nature in general...we slip into darkness, but we always have a desire for the light.

[Legacy]

Muse,

Contrast... Beautiful Contrast!

To shed so much inside... yet still be appreciated and loved? At times an unimaginable ability, brought to light by your words as well as your format.

Impossible as it may seem to others, you have made it appear simple.

Very Nice!

Would you consider entering this one in the Poetic Infusion Society's contest "Enlightenment"?

Have a great day,

Legacy