Through My Dark Green Eyes

Lend me your eyes, i can change what you see

I can show you you what the beauty nature looks through me

i can show you what the cool, ocean breeze does to me

you will learn why i stand alone in the rain

i will reveal to you my darkness and my tragic pain

if you wish to learn my secret, you must promise not to break my heart

if i let in you inside, you must forgive my weak part

I may seem like free, happy soul

but boy please do not be fooled

By my forced smile and mistaken act of being cruel

Just take a look inside my head

And heal my wounds that once bled

So boy, give me your love and ill give you mine

and finally someone may finish my damaged, but beautiful rhyme

 

 

 

Reviews

[Melody]

You do need to sorta work more with the format in this one. It sends a good message saying "LOOK at people" and while the rhyme is nice I can honestly say I don't like how it went from 3 lines of rhymes to 2 lines of rhymes.
Good job and keep working with it.

[Michael of Gilead]

It's a good try and i love the idea of wanting to show someone just how things "look" from inside one's self...

You need to work on formatting, and some editing, but there is a lot of good here, just needs some tweaking

[eatmills]

I stumbled through the second line but the rest flowed like song lyrics. Keep up the good work and you'll only get better.

[_]

Not when I was reading this and I couldn't help but scream (

[Vertigoingnowhere]

excuse me, what do you mean?

[_]

D****T DIDN'T FINISH!!!!!!! Sorry!!!! It reminded of something my oneof favorite band would write and I scream their lyrics cause I can't sing for my life so yeah basically enjoying your poem :3 Sorry for the misunderstanding. *nervous laugh*

[Vertigoingnowhere]

lol what band?

[_]

PHEW! I thought you were pissed at me I was like NOOOO!!! >_< and Blue October, very poetic if you ask me. :)

[Vertigoingnowhere]

hmm what kind of music do you listen to?

[_]

uhm I don't know alot of genres

[Vertigoingnowhere]

i listen to straight up rock

[rnuff]

Such depth and poeticness. enjoyable read

[Coyote Poetry]

Amazing flow of thoughts in the poem. I like the way you led me into sadness and hope for healing.
"I may seem like free, happy soul
but boy please do not be fooled
By my forced smile and mistaken act of being cruel"
I like the strong ending to the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Poetic Beauty]

If someone were to take a stroll through my mind and memories they would understand why I am the way I am. Why I react the way I do to things. I like the whole idea and theme of this poem. It is stated clearly with some great visuals.

[quinfinn]

this is a wonderful write and it projects pure honesty and virgin intentions...som pure, so real and so, so good. some advice to a young light...keep your chastity, your vanity...no matter how it feels like you already have...your purity is in your mind ...and there...it holds your strength and your secrets. i love what you have done with your essence here....very apt and real art.........

[Vertigoingnowhere]

wow, oh my gosh thanks so muc :')

[.]

cute!