this time

this time

A Poem by hiraethstill
"

maybe it really is my own damn fault

"
the world fees a bit smaller today
through eyelids swollen closed
by the night before
it’s not the first time
I’ve seen through this
penny-pinched perspective 
the distance withering
between walls until
they corner my lungs
and the relentless
rattling of my skull 
and force the narrowed
nearness of my gaze 
to the guilt hovering
hostile 
around him like a halo
daring me to disrespect the
“years and years of 
hard work and suffering”
he’s gone through for this 
"family"
i don’t want his gaslighting
the movement of every action
driving me, directing every 
twitch in my body
distancing us further
i don’t want to
hide here
hidden away 
hurting
in my room
dealing with the saltwater tracks
of secrets i can never tell him
and are seldom spoken
to anyone at all
but my silence
is my own
violently vitriolic volition
upon myself

© 2020 hiraethstill


Author's Note

hiraethstill
Not really looking for reviews as a form of critique. Thanks for reading.

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Added on May 29, 2020
Last Updated on May 29, 2020
Tags: nonsense, thoughts, brain dump, mental health, family, divorce, dad, fights

Author

hiraethstill
hiraethstill

CA



About
An old soul, and probably the biggest dork you'll ever meet. Helping people and doing my best to make them feel accepted and cared for is why I was put on this earth. If I can do something for someone.. more..

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