painfully aware

it’s basically growing pains.

the universe makes sure that the changes in your life are very slow. that way once you realize the change has happened, you’ve already adapted to it. but there are some days where the change can not be slow. it can not be soft.

it is painfully obvious you are changing. i have become more aware of the fact that i am changing and evolving into what will become my final form.

my best friend in the world has found a boy who is so much more than sixteen year old me can be. a boy is who is so exciting that he consumes her life.
i am made painfully aware of obsession in these conversations.

tonight i was made painfully aware that i am not the small girl i once was. my close friend is leaving and it has been brought to my attention that i have changed.

my security blanket does not cover my feet anymore, it can barely cover my knees. my mother and i discuss topics like sex openly. my father views me as a young woman. my brother and i are friends.
i am no longer the baby.

and just as my friend leaves. i will too. i have spent 6,090 days here existing for a breath of sunlight. i will push myself from the womb of my room, house, town into the world. forcing myself to grow.

but i wish that i could go back. i wish i could savor the moments where my mommy washed my back. my dad saw me a his little princess. my brother saw me as a kid. i wish i could savor it all. i wish i didn’t feel these pains.
i am painfully aware that i am evolving into an adult.