Not Myself

I can't explain myself I'm afraid, Sir, because I'm not myself, you see. -Alice, Alice in Wonderland

“It’s like I don’t even know you anymore!” she shouted. All the rage she felt flew to him in the form of a grand gust of wind, cold and merciless against his skin. His eyes found the ground and even when she demanded that he look at her he refused to glance up. It was like there was some greater power in the air that kept his head pushed down and his eyes trained on the dirt.

               

“What were you thinking?” she asked, her voice suddenly going quiet. There were tears somewhere behind them but he knew she wouldn’t let them fall. Not yet.

              

“I don’t know,” he replied, defeated. When he finally found the courage to look up he immediately wished he had remained a coward. She had her arms wrapped around herself and she was shivering against the cold. The fierce wind tossed her hair every which way. She was biting down on her lower lip and her eyes were rimmed with tears.

              

“What were you thinking?” she asked again, even softer this time. He shook his head.

               

“I swear,” he said. “I never thought this would happen.”

              

A lie. He knew it, she knew it. That lie danced on the wind between them and it crashed into her and seemed to be the thing that broke her down. Her hand flew up to her mouth in an attempt to catch the sob that wracked her whole body. She looked away from him and he looked down at the ground again. Somewhere in the distance they heard the raspy, harsh call of a black bird. It was the only sound that was able to rip through the howling of the wind, the only sound that could possibly make either person feel even worse than they already did. That screech reached down inside of them and twisted around their hearts. It held tight and squeezed, ringing out their emotions. Tears streamed down her face and tiny, whimpering noises passed through her lips. He just felt sick.

               

“Tell me something,” she said finally. He looked up and found her eyes, ringed with red, in the darkness. “Did you ever love me? I mean really, truly love me?”

               

He stared at her for a long while. There were a million different things running through his mind, an endless string of words he could say. But none of that seemed to fit on his tongue. She watched him, waiting. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out.

               

“I see,” she said.

               

“No,” he replied. “It’s not-“

               

“Stop,” she interrupted. “Really.”

               

He shook his head and she turned on her hell, ready to walk away. He knew he could call out to her. He knew he could apologize. He knew there was a chance, however small it might be, to stop her from leaving for good. But his voice wasn’t working and the freezing wind seemed to be holding him in his place.

               

And then she turned around again and her eyes locked with his. She didn’t look angry, exactly, and aside from the road map of dried tears running across her cheeks, she didn’t really look sad either. She sucked in her breath and squared her shoulders and opened her mouth to speak.

               

“You know,” she said. “You’ve really changed.”

               

She turned her back on him and as he watched walk away a question rang loudly in the back of his mind.

               

How could he change if he never knew who he was to begin with?

Author's Note

From Creative Writing Club <3 Our moderator gave us Alice in Wonderland quotes, told us to pick one and create a story around. So much fun <3 Comments and crit appreciated, as always ^^

Reviews

[Elissa; the genuine art..]

This piece has a lot of emotional tension.
I really like it.
This line hit me really hard;
"How could he change if he never knew who he was to begin with?"
Excellent write!
Keep up the great work!

-Elissa :D

[A LaDy NaMeD D]

Wow...that last line was just...wow. I'm speechless. Even though it's never really reveled what he did to her to hurt her it isn't needed. Because after reading this i felt the satisfaction that i like to feel when i'm done reading anything. If you add anything more to this it would be excessive, and if you took something away it would be incomplete. I loved this.

[GBU POETRY ONLY]

NOT MYSELF, is chocked full of great imagery. Your story has a good visual and emotional thread thru-out. The conflict is there (assuming it's about infidelity) and the painful awkardness of lies is apparent...
(good twist on the Alice phrase)
I loved these imagery lined phrases:
"All the rage she felt flew to him in the form of a grand gust of wind, cold and merciless against his skin." "That lie danced on the wind between them and it crashed into her and seemed to be the thing that broke her down."
"That screech reached down inside of them and twisted around their hearts. It held tight and squeezed, ringing out their emotions."
"There were a million different things running through his mind, an endless string of words he could say. But none of that seemed to fit on his tongue."
Great ending line... Bravo!