DISCARDED

AFTER CHATS WITH A FRIEND..THIS CAN SOMETIMES BE THE BETTER OPTION...

DISCARDED

Picked up, used,

discarded; love abused.

Chucked aside, as an old

 toy,devoid of appeal-

 defunct of joy.

On the outside, looking in;

 the smile, the touch-

she's no-more than a fling.

A pain in your heart,

time to depart;

 a shake of your head,

 no more to be said.

She will soon be here,

discarded from bed-

watching another woman,

 sadly shaking her head..

Author's Note

if only it was this easy to recognise and walk away from...

Reviews

[V]

Sad truth but an almost normal condition. When we get tired of what we already have, we look for something new until it becomes worn out and start looking again. Excitement required, I can relate to this condition but can also imagine the pain that comes along with it, especially if you're the one who is to be exchanged for someone else. The structure is nice. Though a really small critique: The last line reads a tiny bit clumsy, maybe too long or even not the right words. You should def go on trying new stuff, you're doing well. :)

[hcarson]

yea, i had issues with that last bit, think i will go back and change it a*s it doesn't come off the tongue easily really does it. thanks for your comments though, they are as always much appreciated, they are helping me be brave enough to try new things so im real grateful :)

[V]

I'm glad I can encourage people (or you) :)

[Autonomous]

I have to say you are one of my favorite poets on this website alongside with mattavelli and k.wolf. Thanks for sharing the thoughts on your mind.

[hcarson]

Oh wow, thank you so much it is people like you that encourage me to keep trying. Thank you again for your lovely comment oh and i must say, you write fantastic stories!!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

to be another in a long line----and the one before us? sadly shook his or her head...with that "been there done that" expression.

i think of Ricky Nelson's "poor little fool" and how it came back to the perpetrator of the hurt....

and wish that on the object of this poem. maybe "sadly shaking her head" for the last line?
just a thought.

[hcarson]

aha yes! i have been wondering about that line but couldn't think of what to do but yes, i think that would work better :) thank you sooo much :)

[Bacchus]

defunct of joy
really liked that line.

[hcarson]

thank you Bacchus :)

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

So I said, lets take a look at what Carson is doing and look at this, no, no, no, so horrible but true men use and discard like a daily condom. im waiting for a story of yours! When will be the day? lol ill be waiting. P.S. Full marks

[hcarson]

hello my sire..how are you? good i hope :) like a daily condom haha..so true though for some...i have some stories..which would you like :)..thamks for comments..much appreciated :)

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

I wanna read any! hit me up girl!

[hcarson]

okay..bare in mind i'm not as imaginative or experienced as you and other writers here..but i have 'alone' 'the return' the body' 'a wish come true' that one is based on my lefe from age 18 to almost 24 in a very condensed manner...errrmmm what else..a chapter calledd 'trapped'...they are all very different what sort would you rather..although non are really long if you wanted to trawl through them :)

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Oh but you forget I have read them all! and I have enjoyed them all, I even read the chapter. I am awaiting a new one, when you have one let me know. You forget, lol

[hcarson]

ahhh sorry... i have a head like a sieve!!! i have started writing a new chapter to trappped..not sure i like it though..may do a new one entirely...got any three word prompts for me? :)

[Inject Positivity]

Im so delighted to see your different types of thought provoking works... i don't know what to say, every time you are coming with some amazing writing pieces... i think the title said it all... it seems that you are working with the different aspects of our life... i really loved the start... gosh!! hats off to you..... many people can relate to it... full ratings....

[hcarson]

thank you IP :) hope all is well with you, yes, i'm playing about a bit after the advice of vanessa..see what happens :) i like to stick to real situations where possible..half the battle done there then isn't it. thank you for your comments, as always appreciated :)

[Inject Positivity]

im very glad that you are trying, not only trying but doing amazing job... fastest progress i have ever seen....

[hcarson]

wow thank you IP..lovely words as always to inspire and encourage, a wonderful friend :)

[Shannon]

So true. Our darn hearts anyway.

Something about the non repeating rhyming scheme really appeals. Like it says, yes its a poem in the conventional sense, but not too conventional!

[hcarson]

I'm trying a few different styly type layout structure majiggies...see how i feel about them lol..thanks for your comments, appreciated as always :)

[Shannon]

First time I have ever seen "majiggies" written down!

[hcarson]

haha..i write that word so often as in real life i have such a bad memory nearly everything is majiggy or a dewberry in place of the name lol