Stained Glass Window

Stained Glass Window

A Poem by ~Blue Fantasy~
"

Because of what You have shown me through the stained glass window.

"

 

 

Stained Glass Window

Lyrics by: Heather Shirley

Copyright 2011

 

 

Verse one:

All alone in this dark old place.

Your glory illuminating your face.

The past scene begins to move.

My heart feels burdened and saddened too.

 

Chorus:

I was drawn by your light

I was drawn by your glory

Now I am standing here before You

 

Verse two:

The price you paid for me that day could never be forgotten.

Somehow in this world it’s easy to fall astray.

For I know it was You who led me to this place.

To be drawn by your glory and saved by your grace.

 

Chorus:

I was drawn by Your light

I was drawn by Your glory

Now I am standing here before You

In an old church on top of a hill

That overlooks the sea

 

Verse three:

The image of You becomes much clearer.

For I stand beneath the cross.

The blood from you draws nearer.

I am grieving in my heart.

 

Chorus:

I was drawn by Your light

I was drawn by Your glory

Now I am standing here before you

In an old church on top of a hill

That overlooks the sea

 

Verse four:

I reach out to touch your face.

I am quickly brought back to this place.

To see You standing here before me.

I quickly fall to my knees.

 

Chorus:

I was drawn by Your light

I was drawn by Your glory

Now I am kneeling here before you

In a church on top of a hill

Overlooking the sea

 

Verse five:

You shine bright with golden beams of light.

My heart overfilled with such delight.

To feel your power and see your beauty.

Never again will I be the same

Because of what You have shown me in Your stained glass window

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

© 2011 ~Blue Fantasy~


Author's Note

~Blue Fantasy~
I need your help!! Need to know if you understand the whole story line behind it? Does the stained glass window seem to come alive in away?
Does the person there seem like they should be there and the reason they are there is because of the light that drew them. I need some serious feedback on this song!! I what to make sure that my thoughts of this song really come Alive!!

My Review

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Ok, this will be hard for me to critique. The poet in me loves this song for the imagery is so beautiful and the sentiment is strong and un-missable. But, the musician in me has some questions. #1 Are you a musician? I don't think you said that you are but, I can't remember. #2 Is this song a "worship" song or a perfomance piece? After those questions are phrased. Here is my musicians critique( i am going to be honest here so forgive me please): The chorus, or the hook, is not very strong. I actually tried to sing this to a melody I came up with in my head and I couldn't make the chorus work for me( and I am a musician of 30 years with studio and commercial work under my belt as well.) The song has no bridge. You need that so that the song breaks monotony and builds tension. The first chorus has fewer lines than the other choruses do, now, that isn't a deal breaker, but it makes the crafting of a hook and the structure of the actual melody and music alot more difficult to produce. The first line in the second verse is way too long. It would prevent proper diction and make the singer have to deliver a melody that would seem obviously way too rushed and stand out like a sore thumb in the melody and the song as a whole. Now, the last line in verse five can work if there is a major slowing down of the tempo of the song as is the custom in a lot of popular music of all ages. That would not be rushed and would give the singer the amount of time needed to close the song in a comfortable way without straining the attention of the listener. In verse three I would actually make that my bridge but I would shorten it to 2 lines losing the first and fourth lines and keeping the 2nd and 3rd because they naturally lend themselves to tension because of the subject matter.
Just by reading this, I can tell that you did not write this piece with an instrument in hand while penning this piece. That is how most singer/songwriters craft their work(there are some exceptions of course) so the melody and phrasing of the singing can be done at the same time to ensure the song is well delivered and the the point can be put in a way that is memorable and enjoyable to most listener's ears. I know this is a lot of info to digest at once, but this is what I have a passion for and you genuinely wanted my musician's help as you stated in your message to me. I am just giving you a detailed account of the things in the song that would be difficult to make work and hopefully give you some ideas to help your songwriting journey. If you need any more help, please don't hesitate to ask.
Please understand that the above criticism was given out of love and a genuine desire to help; not to be nasty or downplay your gift or your passion.

God Bless

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

To me this is a person gazing at the images portrayed in the stained glass windows of a church...watching the Bible come to life...shedding divine light onto his heart and soul. Well done. Keep on penning.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Yes I understand. But as I only have my perception to go on...
I sounds like she could be talking to her lover and then I began to realize it ... to me became about God, I love it!

Posted 9 Years Ago


Initially I read this as a poem and think it has some deeply felt words especially at the end, 'Never again will I be the same - Because of what You have shown me in Your stained glass window'. However, I don't really see this as a song but more of a hymn, especially as you capitalise certain words, eg. You. I don't know if that's what you intended, but your words certainly point that way and as such are lovely.

Posted 9 Years Ago


I like the flow of words and the repetition. I feel a desire to make peace and a understanding of what was given for the gift of hope and forgiveness. A very strong ending to the poem. A excellent poem.
Coyote

Posted 9 Years Ago


Beautiful

Posted 9 Years Ago


♫ ♫ ♫
Oh, I'll love this more if a music was with it! :)))
Really beautiful!

Posted 9 Years Ago


Beautiful song, I can here the music as I read, awesome job!!!!

Posted 9 Years Ago


I was a composition major in college, and my first reaction as a composer was: oh dear, if I were to set this, how would I make all those varying lines fit the same melody? I think the ideas you have here are great and your use of language very fluid and beautiful, but I think you could work on the rhythm to make the verses more uniform. For example, verse two is almost twice as long as verse four, which would, musically speaking, make it feel like a different song entirely if given a melody.

Also, as a longtime church musician, I have to ask: what musical genre did you imagine this song being in? Because in some parts, it feels almost like a modern take on a hymn, especially the choruses, and in others it seems to take on a more ballad-esque tone. Would the piece be sung by an individual soloist or a choir? Overall, I think you've got a lot of great ideas here, but they could use some reorganization.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Ok, this will be hard for me to critique. The poet in me loves this song for the imagery is so beautiful and the sentiment is strong and un-missable. But, the musician in me has some questions. #1 Are you a musician? I don't think you said that you are but, I can't remember. #2 Is this song a "worship" song or a perfomance piece? After those questions are phrased. Here is my musicians critique( i am going to be honest here so forgive me please): The chorus, or the hook, is not very strong. I actually tried to sing this to a melody I came up with in my head and I couldn't make the chorus work for me( and I am a musician of 30 years with studio and commercial work under my belt as well.) The song has no bridge. You need that so that the song breaks monotony and builds tension. The first chorus has fewer lines than the other choruses do, now, that isn't a deal breaker, but it makes the crafting of a hook and the structure of the actual melody and music alot more difficult to produce. The first line in the second verse is way too long. It would prevent proper diction and make the singer have to deliver a melody that would seem obviously way too rushed and stand out like a sore thumb in the melody and the song as a whole. Now, the last line in verse five can work if there is a major slowing down of the tempo of the song as is the custom in a lot of popular music of all ages. That would not be rushed and would give the singer the amount of time needed to close the song in a comfortable way without straining the attention of the listener. In verse three I would actually make that my bridge but I would shorten it to 2 lines losing the first and fourth lines and keeping the 2nd and 3rd because they naturally lend themselves to tension because of the subject matter.
Just by reading this, I can tell that you did not write this piece with an instrument in hand while penning this piece. That is how most singer/songwriters craft their work(there are some exceptions of course) so the melody and phrasing of the singing can be done at the same time to ensure the song is well delivered and the the point can be put in a way that is memorable and enjoyable to most listener's ears. I know this is a lot of info to digest at once, but this is what I have a passion for and you genuinely wanted my musician's help as you stated in your message to me. I am just giving you a detailed account of the things in the song that would be difficult to make work and hopefully give you some ideas to help your songwriting journey. If you need any more help, please don't hesitate to ask.
Please understand that the above criticism was given out of love and a genuine desire to help; not to be nasty or downplay your gift or your passion.

God Bless

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sigh... beautiful

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on October 17, 2011
Last Updated on October 17, 2011

Author

~Blue Fantasy~
~Blue Fantasy~

Sweet Home, AL



About
I am a married mother of three children. Life is always busy, but at the end of the day I always feel very blessed! I have a strong passion to write. I enjoy writing poetry silly and serious! My ch.. more..

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