twinning with Munch – silent scream (Published in Pastiche, the magazine of the OLLI Writers Group)

Rising from the lowest possible state of existence to a level inviting hope

onto death, I want to lay the self

my One and Only’s hope eyes erase the bed

before the head makes contact

 

 

onto death, I want to lay the self

deadlock is all I feel

what have I become?

what, though, had I been?

 

 

the husband…former already?

weary, distraught, ruined

my One and Only’s sun face takes a shadow now and again

 

 

it all began with her inside me

love took off to eternity with her every smile

my only precious bond to life

for whom I pushed aside the self

not one small regret

the one for whose hope death does not get me today

 

 

I made us a home, I glorified it

on my own for long, too long of many years

filling in for all marital lack: a promise is a promise after all!

years left, tens of years passed away

multiplied into trying decades

once looked aback, there exists a husband…

my One and Only’s sun face takes a shadow now and again

her graceful, not yet disheartened soul wound up

on the verge of a leap onto her own life

but…how about…

 

 

no, no, not possible!

once my One and Only is no longer home

having set onto her own path

the husband and I…

ways of ours ever so apart

how long, until where?

if the self can remain as self, that is!

 

 

onto death, I want to lay the self

my One and Only’s hope eyes erase the bed

before the head makes contact

 

 

onto death, I want to lay the self

deadlock is all I feel

what have I become?

what, though, had I been?

Author's Note

First of all, I thank you for reading my post. Then, I would like you to please feel free to comment on any aspect of it. Although, this poem was published on paper and online, I am still in great need for feedback. If you were to take the time to lend me some, I would appreciate it very much.

Reviews

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

"onto death, I want to lay the self

deadlock is all I feel

what have I become?

what, though, had I been?"

One might find himself thinking about the exestential realities we all must face, is it a mere mid-life crisis of morality, or indeed just wimsy! who knows, maybe it's both, well done, good read.

[HulyaY]

Thank you for your review, Coyote Poetry, and thank you for calling my work here "outstanding poem". I especially appreciated your find of "A lot of hidden life" in it, as I had felt at the time when I wrote it.

[HulyaY]

P.J. Baker: You are the first who pointed to "on to" as opposed to "onto". Thanks for being very attentive to the specific details. I know only that I meant "onto" from the unset. I hope you are not disappointed in your read that I had not meant it as a wordplay to begin with.

[HulyaY]

Thomas Fitzgerald: I have greatly enjoyed reading your work (I have been able to read only a few yet) and will be posting my feedback soon. I am very pleased to know that such a talented writer likes also my work. In response to your comment, I shall say: it is probably both ("probably" because I need to analyze it more to know for certain - then again, what difference does it make, as long as you found some aspect of the poem appealing to you.) Thanks again for reviewing my work.

[HulyaY]

R.F.Jordan: (if I have already thanked you via your email, please disregard.) I thank you for all the attributes you thought to be befitting for me with this poem. This is one of my most favorite poems and I appreciate the fact that my sharing it on this site met such meaningful reception from you.

[r. f. jordan]

"it all began with her inside me
love took off to eternity with her every smile
my only precious bond to life
for whom I pushed aside the self"

this is the work of an intelligent, and creative, author. the above quoted segment indicates the depths of layers to the work, and appears to this writer to indicate how involved into evolved the speaker has become through the relationship spoken of. thank you for sharing your talent with us on this site.

[Patrick]

really interesting read. I couldnt quite make sure if you meant on to or onto - maybe it was a play on the words. Nonetheless, there is a grave tone throughout which your express well in carefully chosen words.

[Coyote Poetry]

A lot of hidden life in this poem. I like the way you led the reader into thoughts and into action with the short statements.
"onto death, I want to lay the self
my One and Only’s hope eyes erase the bed
before the head makes contact"
I enjoy poetry that made me think and ponder life. The poem did. Thank you for the outstanding poem.
Coyote