He never existed!

He never existed!

A Poem by Slender Smile/Husna Tayyab
"

You loved him... He made you promises... But...

"
He said he would come,
But he never did.
He said he would stand by me...
through thick and thin,
through difficulties,
and through happiness.
But, he never stood by me.
He said he would love me...
cherish me...
hold me forever...
come what may!
But he never loved me...
never cherished me...
never ever held me...
He said he would come,
But he never did...
he never did...
because...
He never existed...!

© 2009 Slender Smile/Husna Tayyab


Author's Note

Slender Smile/Husna Tayyab
Any kind of criticism and encouragement is welcome provided you are polite.

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a
The poem isn't very surprising, the construction is simple, yet well adopted, it most certainly brings to a shocking end; and yes, we do wander about our imaginated characters a lot, and very often.
This is a symbolic naivism poem, very well resembles the genre, perfect example for naivism, which, by the way, is a very popular genre, one of my favourites... :)

Thank you!

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

[send message][befriend] Subscribe
a
The poem isn't very surprising, the construction is simple, yet well adopted, it most certainly brings to a shocking end; and yes, we do wander about our imaginated characters a lot, and very often.
This is a symbolic naivism poem, very well resembles the genre, perfect example for naivism, which, by the way, is a very popular genre, one of my favourites... :)

Thank you!

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Perhaps we all carry this image of "the other".
That image may not be true, there is always some
wishful thinking.
Not sure if I am reading what you are writing, but
what I am seeing is beautiful writing. That part is true.
The construction of your poem is attractive and unique.
The language is perfect.
This poem could be shown in a "How to Do It" example
of what a nice poem should look like.

Thank you for letting me read you.

------Eagle Cruagh

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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Bud
Very nice! Powerful. Who can't relate to this? Love it.

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Oooh this is nice, I love it...kinda reminded me of when i loved this guy and he didn't love me back- i might as well have been invisible to him
But Whoo Great Job!!!

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

this was a great but still your unhappy....

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

that was really good. it was powerful yet short. keep writing :D

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like it. It reaches out to me. Although I have to admit...it sorta makes me think of twilight and all the girls who are convinced Edward is real! You have a very distinctive tone

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Never existed in the sense that she was practically living with a ghost? He was like the walking dead. How sad!
Nicely written, though I suggest perhaps not using the final line as the title. Most poems have a nice crecendo at the end, though this one was lacking to me because you had used your crecendo line as the title. Something to consider.
Cheers.

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nice line to end on.
It's clearly a poem of two halves. Up to 'Come what may!' it seems to remain hopeful, almost wishful but with that tone that actually all seems a little worthless. The next half is the unfortunate harsh realities. Nice, had-hitting poetry. I am impressed, keep up the good work.

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on March 15, 2009

Author

Slender Smile/Husna Tayyab
Slender Smile/Husna Tayyab

Sacramento, CA



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بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم I fall & I pick myself up, I lose hope yet I dream I am los.. more..

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