On a Cut-glass beach

On a Cut-glass beach

A little girl sits watching

Waves crashing

Inside,

Turbulence.

Reviews

[Lizzie Mitchell]

without the last word this is actually a haiku
I counted the syllables because it flows so nicely
I like this a lot
the contrast of innocence verses danger
beaches are normally sunshiny, carefree or mid-evening peaceful
but many can relate to that one new jersey beach with all the broken bottles and trash that ruins the point of a beach and makes it actually dangerous
and then a little girl alone in the presence of crashing waves is a scary situation but the waves outside mirror her turbulence on the inside
a profound piece
I envision looking into a woman's eyes and seeing a little girl at the beach staring back at you, sitting atop a large stone indian-style, blood dripping from cuts on her feet telling the story of how she got there while waves lap at the stone as if they're trying to knock her down

[icomeanon_13]

I am so glad you read this poem, Lizzie. I wrote this just last week and your review captures exactly what I was going for. This is a personal poem for me and the intent was to reflect on my own childhood, which, of course, has little to do with beaches and more to do with the harshness of life. Thank you for reading. I am thrilled to know you understood it (possibly better than I do). Please know you are welcome to review my work anytime.

[Lizzie Mitchell]

You're welcome. It spoke to me. And I'll definitely being reading more of your work. You're welcome to tear apart and analyze mine as well!

[Astrid]

In such few words you pain a scene that we can not only see, but feel. Great job.

[Don't just B, but B ama..]

Wonderfully written piece telling the reader life is like the beauty of the ocean, white sandy beaches, and the soothing waves, YET how some people have to go through "Normandy Beach" if you will, to ever get to a place where they can see a beautiful beach. Tough times have indeed made you stronger, great piece. You may like my, "Every second Dying" Thanks for sharing.

[Pushkar Prabhat]

Beautifully expressed.........
short, complete and effective.
i liked it!!!!
:)

[Samuel J. Fox]

I agree with Lizzie: it does read like a haiku. I like using the last word as its own separate line, but perhaps it could be a cyclical poem by moving it up to the fourth. 5-7-3-5. That makes it a Tanka (I think). Its a wonderful little poem with very little room for error and it is strong that it needs no describing. Good job!!!

[Coyote Poetry]

Interesting use of words. I did like the tone and vision create by your words. The beach can create a separate world. A better place. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[icomeanon_13]

Thanks, Coyote.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.