- September 13, 2011 -

As the title implies, this was written last year, in September. On the 13th. Like most of my pieces, it was penned via pencil and paper, and later typed up onto the computer.

On September 13th--
I stole a razorblade. From a store.

It's what I use to cut with now.
I've used everything from glass, scissors, pencil sharpener blades, safety pin, soda can, bottle caps, knives . .

It's from a knife, actually, that I obtained the trio of scars on my left forearm. Don't tell anyone, but I think they're beautiful, and if given a chance, I'd do it all over again. My only regret is that I didn't make more.

- - -

the wounds i make with the razorblade
are scary.

They're big. One looks like a burn.

But the others - -

white winks
from within the gaping edges
white eye
white monster

The eye of the monster.
The plague of cutting.

- -

Freaks me the f**k out. I can't look at the cuts. I can't. I don't know what the f**k the white&yellow stuff is exactly, but I'm guessing it's the epidermis layer of skin. Or some s**t like that. If anyone can help me out with identifying what the f**k it is - and therefore putting my terror to rest - I'd appreciate it. Alot.

Author's Note

If you're going to make sarcastic jabs about cutters and those who're mentally ill, then don't bother commenting. None of us need that sh-t, so kindly refrain from commenting if those kind of remarks would make up the content of your comment. Thanks in advance.

As always, positive comments, supportive words, and constructive critism is welcome. Requested, actually. I need all the help I can get these days, in whatever form it may manifest.

Note: I figured out what the yellow was. The subcutaneous layer of flesh. Yeah, pretty nasty. Scary, too. Even though it's been a considerable amount of time, I still have nightmares and the occasional anxiety attack about it. My hatred of the color white derives from this. So - yeah.