A Little Story

Once upon a time, there was a small kingdom in a vast land. This land was filled to the brim with crazy things, like dragons and dungeons and chairs. In the middle of the land, there was a pretty insignificant girl. Her name was Jefferson. Jigwagalow Bartiminious Jefferson the Fourth. Jigwagalow Bartiminious Jefferson the Fourth was a very long and a very bizarre name, so most people just called her Jefferson, Jeff, or The Stink. The Stink was what her brother called her. 

So, you might be wondering what exactly Jeff does or looks like or whatever other information about Jeff there is. To start, Jeff is reasonably average and boring with a pretty typical life. She had parents before they abandoned her in the middle of a desert, where a small couple that had no children of their own found and raised her as a Jigwagalow Bartiminious Jefferson. She grew up on a small farm until eventually being kidnapped and . . . 

Well, needless to say, Jeff had a boring life until her adoptive parents had a son. They named him Apple Diamond Jefferson because they thought he was the apple of their eye and as precious as a diamond. Poor Mr. and Mrs. Jefferson had trouble naming their children names that wouldn’t make schoolteachers pause when reading attendance for the first time. 

Apple changed a lot of things. Many of them weren’t his fault. It hadn’t been his fault that a prophecy had declared him to the savior of the world. It hadn’t been his fault that kings and queens flocked to their home to see him and try to manipulate him to make them the best of the kings. However, it had been his fault that he always spilled food on her at dinner. He was to blame for the time he had let the fake Jabberwocky of the pen, and it had eaten all of her pencils. 

Jeff was thinking about all the ways Apple had ruined her life as they walked to school. Apple was walking beside her, blabbering about the kazoo a king had given him recently. He was currently Jeff’s least favorite king. She hated hearing Apple's loud "musical" sounds echoing through the house. 

“And you can blow into it, and it will make sounds!” Apple exclaimed. “Isn’t that crazy?”

Jeff sighed. Her brother wasn’t the smartest. “Yes, it’s completely insane. I don’t believe that some instruments will make sounds if you blow into them.” Jeff was, of course, being sarcastic. This had actually been a recent revelation in the music industry, which Apple would have been aware of if he paid attention during class. 

Suddenly, an arrow whished past Jeff and Apple, almost hitting them before hitting the apple a passerby was balancing on his head. This often happened when Apple walked through the town’s streets. Mr. Foble was a baker, but he was also an archer who thought it was a funny joke to ask his son to walk past Apple with an actual apple on his head. Jeff found that the best solution was to ignore them. Apple disagreed. 

“Hey!” He yelled. “That’s not funny! You could’ve hit me!” 

Mr. Foble and his son, Stephen Foble, were laughing too hard to answer. Nancy McFancy, who had just bought some bread, was also giggling. When Nancy giggled, this made Jeff chortle a bit. Nancy had an infectious giggle. 

“The Stink!” Apple shouted. “You’re my sister! You shouldn’t laugh at me, especially given how important I am. After all, I am the prophesied one, not you.”

Jeff stopped laughing so she could properly glare at Apple. “Seriously, Apple? Talk about an inflated ego.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Seriously is an adverb used to describe very solemn situations. Apple is your name. Inflated means that it’s been made bigger. Ego means you’re dumb.”

“Hey!” Apple glared at her. “I know what inflated ego means. Don’t lie. Inflated ego means that I’m handsome. One of the queens told me so.”

Jeff rolled her eyes. Apple’s words had sent Stephen Foble into more laughter, but Jeff was too tired of her brother’s arrogance to laugh. She turned away from him and continued walking to school.