The Chrsitmas Bombing

When the figure heads of holiday's clash, only one can reign supreme.

The ventilation shafts were small, with barely enough room for one small elf to fit in, and stuffy. Thankfully, Claus had turned off the heat for the time being, but the two brothers making their way through knew they had but minutes before their luck ran out.

Pi unfolded the small map with trembling hands. He took a deep breath to calm himself and then turned a small pocket light onto the wrinkled piece of parchment. “Left.” He told his brother, Tau.

As they turned the corner, a deep and guttural whirring began within the bowls of the air ducts. The brothers dismissed the noise and continued on, until a warm draft wafted from behind them and slowly grew with force. With a sudden burst of air, a humongous din erupted down the shaft.

Pi grabbed his brother’s hand with his own and he pulled him forcibly towards the exit. Or, what he hoped was an exit.

The cool metal of the ducts were now growing uncomfortably hot, to the point where one couldn’t hold their hand to it for more than a few seconds. Even their air was difficult to breathe.

Rounding another corner, Pi saw light coming from a grate at the end of the shaft. His heart leapt.

He glanced quickly at his map and noticed this grate led directly into Claus’s chamber where he kept his chair, mail and presents. Thankfully for them, he wouldn’t be in there; he said he had business to attend to in the reindeer stables.

Pi kicked at the grate with his feet until it fell, clattering loudly on the tile floor.

The two brothers emerged with a sigh of relief and the leaned up against the wall, smiling at one another.

However, their smiles were short lasted. Above the now gentle whizzing noise of the ventilation was the voice of none other than Santa Claus himself.

“You do realize what this means?” He asked.

Tau pulled himself above the boxes that hid the boys to see the large man speaking to 4 elves. Tau knew them; they too were part of the mafia. Kingsley, Roe, Ollie and Harris.

Roe, the shortest of the bunch, nodded. “The traitors are to be found and punished.”

“Do you think they’re talking about us?” Pi asked, now kneeling beside his brother.

Tau shrugged. “We can’t be the only ones who deserted…”

Santa took a few steps back and sat down in his chair. He rested his arms on his protruding stomach. “And as quickly as possible. The Easter Bunny will not stall in his tactics and we must keep up with him. That filthy mongrel will kneel before his superior, but not if we have freelance elves running about the place, messing with my plans.”

The four elves nodded, and they made their departure out the large double doors at the end of the room.

Pi slid down below the boxes and stared at Tau.  “Santa is part of the elf mafia?”

“Looks like he’s the head of it all.”

“How is this even…why would he want to be a part of that?”

Tau had no answer, so instead looked away. “I’m just glad we aren’t anymore.”

Suddenly, Tau began to be lifted up by two burly hands that had clamped onto his shoulders. Pi turned to meet the familiar face of Kingsley.

“Got’cha.”

Kingsley was a brute to say the least. Everything about him was huge, from his ears town to his feet. And judging by his muscles, he was also far stronger than Pi and he soon lost his grip on his brother.

Tau squirmed in Kingsley’s iron grip as he was lifted high into the air and held him there with Kingsley laughing the entire time.

“Put him down!” Pi shouted in as much authority as a 3’2” elf could muster.

Harris walked out from behind Kingsley’s large form, and he adjusted his glasses. He was one of the most prodigious elves in all of the North Pole; Santa made sure Harris dealt with anything of a pecuniary nature. It was common knowledge he was good with money. “I don’t believe you are in any position to talk. In fact, I know you aren’t. So why don’t you just shut that traitorous mouth of yours and we might just go easy on you.”

Pi opened his mouth to reply, but held his tongue. He knew better than to test Harris. He was smart, but he was cruel.

“That’s better.” Harris said, patting Pi’s head in a patronizing manner. “Now, what to do with the two of you…”

“Throw them in the chambers for now.” Santa ordered.

Pi jumped, forgetting the old man was still in the room. He’d been so quiet.

“Very well. Kingsley?”

Kingsley nodded and hoisted Tau over his shoulder and began his trek out the double doors. Ollie reached from Pi in a similar manner and the brother did not resist. He didn’t need anything happening to him. He had a brother to protect.

Since he was facing Ollie’s back, Pi had no way of seeing his brother. He simply hoped that he was alright.

After a moment of walking, Ollie dropped Pi suddenly onto a thin mattress. The boy made a small noise of discomfort and rolled onto his side.

Ollie stood with his arms akimbo, waiting for Kingsley to reappear and join him.

It wasn’t long before Kingsley showed up, dropping Tau roughly onto the ground. “The other cells don’t have locks on them.” He grunted.

Ollie nodded, but didn’t reply. The two mammoth elves departed quickly, lest Harris begin to wonder.

Tau crawled over to his brother and Pi made room for him on the small, dusty mattress.

“You okay?”

Tau rubbed his back, but nodded. “Yeah, for the most part.”

The cell they were in was small and cold. Pi moved in closer to his brother, who was shivering. Both were wearing their thin uniforms. They usually provided enough warmth considering the Claus house was kept at a static 90 degrees every day, though the prison cells were nowhere near that.

“Do you think we’ll get out of here?” Tau asked after a bout of silence.

Pi smiled at his brother. “Of course! We didn’t come this far to fail, did we?”

Tau nodded. “I could really go for some hot cocoa right now.”

“Shut up, Tau!” Pi laughed, gently hitting his brother on the arm. “Now is not the time to be thinking about that!”

“I’m sorry!”

“Besides, apple cider is so much better!”

“Nuh uh!”

“Uh huh!”

“Nuh uh!”

“Uh huh!”

“Nuh u-” Tau’s voice was cut off by the jingle of keys and the loud, obnoxious creak of the old cell door.

“Once you two are done screwing around, I’d like to get a move on.”

The brothers got up from their place on the mattress and looked out into the hallway. Against the wall was Delta, one of the few females who occupied the mafia. Or at least, used to. She shook out her hair and tied it up in a ponytail, all the while twirling the cell keys around her index finger. She looked them both over, now that they were out in the well-lit hallway.

“You guys look like crap.” She stated bluntly.

“Thanks.”

Delta laughed and motioned for them to follow her. She walked them down a maze of hallways; Pi eventually gave up trying to remember where they’d gone or where they were going. “So how’d you guys get caught?”

“Wrong turn in the ventilation.”

“Smooth move, Pi.”

Pi scoffed. “And where’d you go?”

“I hid in the wine cellar. Nobody goes down there anymore.”

Tau stared at her. He knew at least half of the mafia members would steal alcohol from the cellar and bring it up for initiations or meetings.

Delta sighed loudly. “Ok, Claus doesn’t go down there anymore. Happy?”

Tau nodded silently.

“So where exactly are we going?” Pi asked as Delta took them down a staircase he knew led to the front of the house.

“To the stables.”

“The stables?” Pi shouted.

“Shut up!” Delta shrieked. She froze and pushed both of the boys flat against the wall. They listened closely as two elf guards rounded the corner, discussing Christmas dinner and the celebrations the mafia was planning, and then disappeared into the dining hall. “Do you want to go back in that cell?”

The brothers shook their heads.

Delta stood up again and brushed herself off. “And if you must know, it’s because I have a plan.” She grinned. “To sabotage Christmas.”

“Are you insane?” Pi hissed, looking over his shoulder.

“Proudly.”

Pi groaned and turned away from Delta, but Tau smiled. “I like it.”

With a clap of her hands, Delta declared, “Then it’s settled.” She started walking towards the double doors that led to the outside, Pi dutifully following behind.

The North Pole was not all sugar canes and gumdrops like the kids stories made it out to be. It was desolate and cold, especially with the winds powerful enough to pick an elf up and toss him 50 feet. Not only that, but the Abominable Guards made it even more dangerous to leave the Claus house. They were made out of snow, but they packed a punch. They carried huge icicle spears and stood nearly 6 feet tall. They were a force to be trifled with.

“How are we going to get past them?” Pi whispered, gesturing to the two Abominable Guards standing in front of the reindeer stables. They were un moving.

Delta looked unfazed. “There’s a chimney. We can get in through there.”

“But what if there’s a fire, or someone’s in there?” Tau wondered out loud.

“Then we’re screwed. So let’s hope it’s all clear.”

Pi was about to protest, but Delta had already made a beeline for the side of the stables. He swallowed his worries and followed her.

There was a snow drift along the side that made it possible to just reach the gutter on the barn’s side. Delta went first, grabbing tightly and swinging herself up onto the snowy roof. She had knocked off some icicles in the process, however, which clinked against the window.

“Did they hear us?”

Pi shook his head and started to climb up behind her. She reached a hand out and he caught it. He was careful not to hit any icicles as he swung his leg up onto the roof.

“Alright Tau, let’s go!”

Tau nodded and made it half way up the drift before a vicious roar came from behind him. He froze.

“TAU!” Pi screamed. Delta held him back.

Tau turned and came face to face with dark beady eyes that held no life behind them. The Abominable Guard opened its mouth to utter another groan and take a strike at Tau as he scrambled the rest of the way up the drift.

Delta extended her hand and just as Tau was about to grab it, the guard made a different noise. This time he sounded like he was…in pain.

The three cast their gaze on the Abominable Guard, who was now on the ground being bombarded by ducklings and chickens. The Easter Army.

“He’s attacking already?!” Pi shouted.

“Now’s our chance, let’s go!” Delta roughly pulled Tau onto the roof and climbed the chimney, giving the brothers a quick wave before descending to the brick shaft.

Tau was next, smiling at his brother before sliding down.

Pi walked up to the chimney. “Is it safe?”

“Just get down here you pansy!”

Pi sighed and, with time, joined his brother and Delta inside the stable.

“So what exactly are we doing here?”

“Finding poison. I’m pretty sure Harris said they kept cyanide in here…”

Pi rolled his eyes. “This just keeps getting better and better.”

“What did Harris need cyanide for?” Tau asked, reaching into a cabinet.

“How do you think they got rid of all those duckling and chicken prisoners from the Easter Army? Sure as heck didn’t set them free.”

Pi shrugged. “Which is exactly why we left the mafia. Now where should it be?”

“Found it.” Delta shouted, tossing the small bottle to Pi. “Now, onto the kitchen. Claus should be about to eat, right?”

Pi and Tau nodded. The three rushed back into the house with much more ease, with the Abominable Guards distracted with the Easter Bunny’s soldiers.

The house inside was in complete chaos; elves were running back and forth carrying everything from weapons to food. As such, Pi, Tau and Delta were able to sneak into the kitchen with being noticed, just in time to slip some of cyanide into Claus’s chicken soup.

The group was sure to rush out as Mrs. Claus came in to pour out some soup into a festive bowl and start to deliver it. They followed her and hid within his chambers, in the same place Tau and Pi had earlier that day, as he ate. A few minutes passed and Delta was growing restless.

“How much did you put in?”

Tau shrugged. “There was only a little bit left!”

“Great, now this will-” Delta stopped as the large front doors opened to reveal a large gray bunny, Easton, the Easter Bunny.

“Ahh, Claus. Long time no see.”

Claus nodded. “It’s nice to see a friend’s face after a while.”

Delta looked at the brothers with a confused stare. “Friends? I thought they were enemies!”

“I agree.” Easton replied slowly.

Claus leaned back in his chair. “So what is the occasion?”

“What, friends can’t visit one another after a long period? How long has it been?”

Claus laughed. “It has been quite a while. What’s new?”

“Nothing.” Easton paused. “At least not until I kill you.”

Claus chuckled again, pulling out a small hand gun from his side. “I do believe you have it backwards.”

Easton was lightning fast as he went to draw out his weapon, but lightning was a little too slow, as Claus fired and hit Easton directly in the forehead. He collapsed onto the floor as blood pooled around him.

Claus holstered his weapon and walked over to Easton and kicked him in the side. “You were always below me, my friend.”

As the voluptuous man turned to return to his seat, he stopped. He started grabbing at his chest. His breathing became raspy and labored; he fell to his knees.

Pi, Tau and Delta watched in silence and Claus fell unconscious and finally … died. He lay unmoving as the group watched him, as if they expected him to just get back up.

They sat quietly until Pi spoke up. “So what now?”

Delta looked at them both. She closed her eyes and let out a breath of relief. She then stood up and addressed the boys with the most serious face they had ever seen her have. “We run this place.” She stated coldly, starting to walk out.

Pi and Tau followed Delta and she marched out of Claus’s chamber and climbed out onto the roof to the Claus house. The news that Claus was dead had spread fast; as they walked throughout the house, elves looked at them strangely. Like a cross between gratitude and fear. They stayed behind Delta and watched her take her place at the end of the roof, over-looking the yard. They were careful not to slip on the snowy roof.

Delta held her hands out to her sides and began to speak. “The fat man is dead. He’s gone, perished, dead. There is a new line of order in power now, and it starts with me.” She looked down to make sure everyone had heard her. They had. “Christmas will be run differently from now on. First off-” Delta was about to continue when the house began to shake and rumble. “What the-” Delta was unable to finish, as a astounding flash cut her off.

In a split second, the entire Claus house was engulfed in flames. The sides of the house were cast from the skeletal frame and landed in pieces around the North Pole. In less than a minute, the entire house was reduced to a pile of rubble. The explosion created a mushroom cloud that flew hundreds of feet in the air, turning the sky a mixture of red and gray that could be seen as far south as Florida.

….

“... police have no leads on who the culprit might have been in the Christmas Bombing, but they are confirmed that there were no survivors in the explosion. Experts are saying it was a broken pipe line underneath the home that had been neglected until it finally exploded. Vigils are being held for all lost in the blaze, including Santa Claus and Easton Bunny….”

In a house not too far from Istanbul, a large TV sits at the end of a table set to the news channel. Before the TV, on the table lays a gorgeous feast; stuffing, cranberries, bread, rolls, potatoes, corn are all in their designated bowls or holders. They are all piping hot and ready to be eaten.

At the end of the table sits a fowl, a turkey to be exact. He clicks off the TV and smiles. “Gobble, Gobble.”

Reviews

[Kayja Symphious]

What a fantastic and whimsical little story. Who would have thought it would be that way in the north pole! hahaha

I saw one thing I think you might want to know about Harris: "He was smart, but he was cruel." Did you mean "as"?

Overall this was well written, and fun to read.

THAT DAMN TURKEY!

[Illubuu]

Thanks so much! And yes, I did mean 'as'. I knew I missed something!