Heartache.

I feel so betrayed and hurt, even though I shouldn't. Cody and his new girlfriend thing is just ripping me to pieces. Depression has really kicked in, and I feel no point in moving or even breathing. HE and I had a yelling match last night; He kept telling me we weer still going to be best friends when he and this girl start dating. /Sigh. Just the thought of him hugging and kissing another girl honestly makes me sick to my stomach. Then again, maybe my nausea is do my drinking last night. I know I shouldn't have drank, but damn it, I was so sad, I had to do something. Cody wonders why I do all of these things that "aren't me", and the truth is, it's because I am heartbroken. This has to be the worst emotional and mental pain I have ever had to deal with. Honestly, I wish I was like Kristin. She seems to be perfectly fine that she and Cody broke up. Why can't I be like that? Though, I feel so sorry for her, because the same thing Cody did to me, he did to Kristin. Yet, unlike Kristin, I am tryign to rebound and make things alright, again.

God, I could use another smoke, badly. Gavin, Justin, and I went out and smoked last night, as well. I went through four in under and hour. It's amazing what stress and depression will do to you.

I am running out of options, and running out of patience. I am miserable, and I see no light at the end of the tunnel for a long time.