Shrapnel

Shrapnel

A Poem by ilurvekinilaw
"

This was one of my earlier works along with "Joyride", which kinda steered me to the kind of poems I write now. When I say "earlier", I mean clumsier. Lol.

"

you are embedded

like shrapnel deep in my skin

and just as hard to remove.

little slivers of you

poke through me

and scratch against the tendons

like stubble against a resigned cheek

each time i turn

over in my sleep.

And so i tried delving

with steel forceps

past the layers of flesh.

just then, I realized

that i rather like

the encompassing sensation

of you

as a part

of me

no matter how much

you decimate my skin

into strips.

 

© 2008 ilurvekinilaw


Author's Note

ilurvekinilaw
Alrightie, be my pieces of shrapnel. Gogogogo! :D

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

Haha, I actually quite like this. I particularly like these lines:

"little slivers of you
poke through me
and scratch against the tendons
like stubble against a resigned cheek"

I like how their didn't seem to be a set rhyming scheme, yet it flowed well was some lines were connected to the succeeding line with a rhyming word. This may be an earlier work, but it's still good one. Welllll done.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

emo ka gid ya. hahaha.

Posted 11 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

i have to disagree with the reviews. i found this rather lacking and bland.

sure, it is very descriptive and the dynamics are presented well but poetic visuals are not the only things that make a decent poem.

there are a few sentiments here and there but i fail to see a firm and original core concept. this can be read as a long sentence actually nad the form you made use of serves only as an instrument to make us think otherwise.

this is vivid but what i get ultimately is merely a motionless mound of fabric dabbed in blood. vivid yet boring

Posted 12 Years Ago


Piecey' (made up word) but it's perfect for the message here. A sort of torn up, shredded effect like how your skin is. A painful love was how I read this. I constantly love the imagery you use.
I loved everything about this, but I love the first 3 lines the most:
"you are embedded
like shrapnel deep in my skin
and just as hard to remove."
Brilliant!


Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Haha, I actually quite like this. I particularly like these lines:

"little slivers of you
poke through me
and scratch against the tendons
like stubble against a resigned cheek"

I like how their didn't seem to be a set rhyming scheme, yet it flowed well was some lines were connected to the succeeding line with a rhyming word. This may be an earlier work, but it's still good one. Welllll done.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

207 Views
4 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on October 29, 2008

Author

ilurvekinilaw
ilurvekinilaw

Iloilo City, Philippines



About
I'm not particularly fond of writing. I just see it as a cathartic way of purging myself (whatever that means). I prefer having total strangers comment on my work rather people I know. I have no idea .. more..

Writing

Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..


Cross Cross

A Poem by ilurvekinilaw