falling petals

falling petals

A Poem by inconsistentsea
"

tanka

"
You belong with me
walking slowly in the breeze
under the grey sky
amidst the falling petals
of the apple blossom trees.

© 2013 inconsistentsea


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A softly elegant piece that surpasses earthly spheres bringing one to heavenly dimensions!

Posted 4 Years Ago


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JC
your'e writing always brings me back west...I know that beauty contrast of urbanity, rich foliage, grey drizzle wonder...

Posted 6 Years Ago


Excellent visual poem! for some reason I'm picturing epic dark storm clouds. My only suggestion would be don't forget the other senses. Particularly when you talked about the "apple blossom trees" you could have brought in a smell or when you talked about the "breeze" you could have added something like how it felt or the temperature to bring the reader further in. I particularly liked how the first line of the poem is very possessive but it ends gently.

Posted 6 Years Ago


inconsistentsea

6 Years Ago

That is a great point! I did forget most of the senses! I will have to keep that in mind for the f.. read more

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Added on June 10, 2013
Last Updated on June 10, 2013