Abandonment

how could you?

‪4 AM and my heart's steady beating. 

I was just sleeping now I’m barely breathing. 

Not even a greeting. 

I’m up repeating, I love you I love you I love you 

til I see you leaving. 

You look deceiving, who’ve you been meeting? 

The baby needs feeding and I’m still here pleading. 

Have you been cheating? 

I’m overheating and my heart feels like bleeding. 

I see you retreating, I cry out in meaning. 

You were so misleading, plotting and scheming. 

You show no feeling as you leave with me weeping. 

Your love proved so fleeting, I’m behind you screaming. 

The tears quickly streaming. 

I’m still working on healing.

Reviews

[Phill Oz O'fee]

Because of the structure, your poignant write reflects an almost 'Rap' quality. Is has a type of musicality in the stanza flow in a rapid, rhythmic way. Great write from start to finish - really good read ... :-)

[alanwgraham]

Well done for sharing this Ksenia. This is a heartfelt and authentic portrayal of that awful discovery of betrayal. You've described all the physical effects and then the range of emotions. This will be even tougher to bear because of the baby. Healing will not be quick or easy I'm sure.
All the best,
Alan

[Paul Bell]

Betrayal and the finding out of betrayal, the consequences that stop life for a time.
Tough poem that many have gone through, no healing in this one for a long time.

[emipoemi]

Your consistent rhymes hit the mark every time, and the story is poignant enough to seem real enough for me to inquire the extent of autobiographicality this has. The only two moments where I think are a tad off is the "with" in "leave me with weeping" (this is a tad on a personal level, which means you have every right to disregard this, as I see what you're doing, and like what you're doing, I just feel the musicality just slips off, as though it's hanging on with a finger to the side of the cliff of perfection.....your call whether to remove it or not, as the intention and meaning of the line as a whole with the "with" is also powerful as without). But the first line is kind of awkward on a number of levels. First off, using "steady" as an adverb is a bit of a stretch in this case. You could switch the "and" for a "with" and it would make perfect sense, however, you still have the contradiction and incongruence with the rest of the poem with the frantic tone it ends up taking. A couple of other commas in a couple of places would also help the understanding of how this piece flows.

But Ksenia, in all seriousness, this is brilliant overall. Very much enjoyed. Stupendous imagery, strong story, superb musicality. Well done!