Sunset

A short story I had written for school when we needed a creative writing piece :)

Joe closed his eyes, leaning against the trunk of his old, favorite tree, feeling the bark press into his back, a reminder that he can still feel. He lit up a cigarette, putting the butt between his chapped lips, and inhaled, the glow from the other end of it matching the sunset before him. Joe never did like autumn much. He despised the litter of leaves and hours of endless raking, the brisk wind nipping at your clothing, not cold enough to be winter, yet past the point of summer. Though it wasn’t his favorite season, Joe had to admit to the unique beauty and allure of an autumn sunset. He found himself watching sunsets lately. With the way things were going in his life currently, it had an eerie calming effect on him, soothing his sanity which threatened to slip away after each passing day.

            The large, grandiose yellow disk descended slowly from the sky, signifying the oncoming of night. It resembled the long, gentle strokes of a painter’s brush in hues of crimson, gold, and rose. The horizon was a thin, bright gold thread dyeing the sky a gradient of hot pinks, oranges, and yellows. It was as if pigments of colors bled into the sky, seeping through the seams of the clouds. The season cast an orange haze above the horizon, lighting up the sky as if lit by fire, yet the haze is so crisp and clear. The sun was so large that he felt he could almost touch it. It seemed to look at him with a dull glare, knowing its own beauty and strength, and that the earth’s dependence on it was vital to the survival of the planet. As it set, he could feel the last of the sun’s warmth; its one final embrace of the earth before it departed. 

           Joe pushed away from the tree, feeling the leaves that littered the ground, hearing them crunch beneath his feet, before his shoes seeped into the wet, muddy ground as he slowly trekked towards his cabin. The sun was nearly as orange as the sky, blending seamlessly. Yet, even from behind the trees, it seemed to stare at him; a silent ball of wonderment, a raging protuberance of Hellish fury. Joe closed his eyes. He began to ponder about the sun. It is the source of life, yet it possesses the ability to just as easily extirpate and utterly destroy life itself. It is conscious, substantial, yet holds a transcendental quality, something undefined. By the time he opened his eyes, the sun was gone, and in its absence was a sea of dark, lonely clouds in a twilight sky.

            He flicked his cigarette, rounding the corner to his cabin. He knew things, like the seasons would change and everything would be just fine. He knew that he, himself, much like the sun, could not be defined by one simple thing, but that he held something more, something deeper, substance. And that, in itself, was a comfort.

Author's Note

This is just a short story I had written a couple of months ago for school. Let me know what you think! Any commentary is welcomed :)

Reviews

[Taylor]

As others have said, you are indeed talented and I hope that you take every opportunity to continue to write and hone your skill. I am sure that your teacher must have given you a good grade, well-deserved. I do want to make several comments though in the hope that they will be helpful. First of all, I think that more needs to happen in the story, some major change for Joe and also Joe needs to be developed more as a character. You have done an excellent job of describing the sunset and the sunset. I would suggest that you might expand the story a bit with more description of Joe and some conflict that gets resolved. For example, in the first paragraph, you say that Joe found himself "watching sunsets lately." That suggests that something has happened to cause him to do that, what was it? What does it mean that he is watching sunsets? Just a small thing -- watch your tenses. In several places you switch from past tense to present where it should be consistently past tense. Again, I'd like to reaffirm what a fine writer you are and what I see as tremendous potential. I offer these points in the hope that they will be helpful. Whenever you receive such comments, it will be up to you to judge whether they have merit. If they feel right to you as a writer, then accept them. If on the other hand they don't feel right, reject them and go on your way! Congratulations on a very fine piece of writing and welcome to WritersCafe.

[A Lonely Girl]

Thank you so much! As always, my writing is not perfect and needs editing, and thank you for giving me those suggestions. I really appreciate commentary and critique :) Thank you for your kind words as well, it definitely means a lot to me. As far as this story goes, the assignment was a descriptive piece, so that is why I describe so much of this sunset, and it just so happens that the little "story" of the character was just thrown in to make it flow. I had never thought of actually making a plot line with the character, but I just might after your suggestion! Thank you so much again! :)

[Cladine]

You're so good at it . I was able to imagine what's going on his mind and and the last part is definitely right and so realistic . great job! i like it .

[A Lonely Girl]

Thank you so much for your kind words! :)

[Alex]

This was wonderful to read. Your vocabulary went a long way to magnify the significance of the sunset. Unlike your other story, "Hell", I think the lack of descriptors for Joe specifically enhanced this piece. You included some in the beginning, how he felt the bark of the tree on his back, and then focused almost entirely on the sunset from there, and i thought that was a good choice. I liked how Joe was able to reflect on how, like his life, the sunset represented a precarious balance of life and death - teetering on the edge of chaos - yet it remained in check, which helped him in turn. Great symbolism, and I'd love to see more from you in the future!

[A Lonely Girl]

Thank you SO MUCH! I am so glad that you think that way! I had written this piece to focus only on the sunset, because that was what the assignment required, and the whole story of Joe I just threw in for a story-like feel. I really appreciate your kind words, they mean a lot! Thank you for reading both stories as well, you are very kind :) I shall return the favor!

[KittyKatgirl]

Once again you amaze me how you describe things. It gives me a picture straight away. It makes the reader feel like they are witnessing what the character is witnessing as well. Makes them feel what he feels. Great job :)

[A Lonely Girl]

Thank you so much! You flatter me :)

[KittyKatgirl]

No problem. Anytime. Keep up the good work. I can't wiat to read your next story :)

[Rm]

Looks like a great start to a good story! Great job!

[A Lonely Girl]

Thank you!! :)

[Rm]

Your welcome:)

[Katherine P. Haley]

This is so good! the imagery you use is amazing. I also love your choice of words! I really felt connected with Joe. I really enjoyed this!

[A Lonely Girl]

Thank you so much! You are so sweet :)

[Jake Donald Stephens]

Your teacher must have been impressed, because I am! Seeing writing like this gives me faith in the young generation again. In a day and age when so many people (some of them unfortunately adults) seem to actually think "your" is spelled "ur" (when did that start, anyway?) or that "a lot" is one word, it's refreshing to read the writing of someone who actually pays attention in school. Great descriptions, lots of cool words, and even some incredibly thoughtful reflections here. Just awesome!

[A Lonely Girl]

Thank you SO MUCH! The fact that you said it gives you faith in my generation again really means a lot to me. Really, that's the highest compliment! I really appreciate your kind words! Also, another thing wrong with my generation is that they seem to not know the difference between "your" and "you're", "they're" "their" and "there", and "our" and "are". Ugh. On behalf of most teenagers, I am sorry we are so stupid, I blame social media! :)

[Jake Donald Stephens]

Actually, it just means things will never change. It all starts in the home. As Bill Cosby once said: "I blamed the child, until I heard the mother talk." Lol.

[Esther Jacoby]

Hi again! Wanted to just have a read at yours too. You are very right, we do have a similar thing going :) I love this and I think your last paragraph is just such a wonderful emotion to leave your readers with. You're giving us some hope, a word of wisdom and leaving us richer for it. I do agree with the reviews you've received... I want to know more! Which of course is the sign of a wonderful story.

[A Lonely Girl]

Thank you so much! Haha we totally do have similar writing, we even talked about autumn in both of our short stories! Thank you again for reviewing my work :) I look forward to future pieces from you!

[Esther Jacoby]

And a love for sunsets...

[Kennedia]

God that description of the sunset was breathtaking. The fact that Joe had a favorite tree and was a smoker made me want to learn more about him too.(:

[A Lonely Girl]

Thank you so much for your kind words! I never really thought about writing anything more to his story than this, but maybe I just might! :)

[Hannes]

Hi
I love the silence. It gives me the feeling of quietness, the sun slid softly away. I don't know...but I love the imminence depth of the portrayed beauty combined in the sunset and the autumn silence

[A Lonely Girl]

I completely agree! Thank you for reviewing and writing your perspective on things! :)