What It's Like

a poem about being LGBTQ as a teenager. Mostly about a friend of mine and my own experience with questioning whether I'm bi or straight for 5 years now.

What is going on?

I’m not supposed to feel this way.

But I do.

It’s unnatural,

It’s a sin,

Yet it dwells in me.

I run and I hide,

I slash it and I wound it,

Yet it always manages to find me,

And surrounds me as a black fog.

 

I do not understand

Why some people want to be like me.

They only see it as a game,

A ploy for attention,

Or a form of rebellion.

They don’t understand

The pain,

The confusion,

And the sting of shun,

Associated with being this way.

 

They say they support you.

They sport the ribbons and symbols,

And brag about how tolerant they are.

They may say they’re accepting of people like me,

But when it comes down to it,

They aren’t.

When you fall in love with them,

Instead of just not being interested,

They treat you like an alien.

They’re nothing but hypocrites,

And they make me fearful and hopeless.

 

I cannot tell anyone.

Not my friends,

Not my family,

No one.

But I know I can only veil it for so long.

One day it will need to come out for air,

And expose itself for all to see.

Honestly, I’m scared of what they’d do.

Will they still love me?

Or will they abandon me?

 

I wish it were always a choice,

But it’s not.