Self-Inflicted

First finsihed poem. Slightly edited.

Hiding scars from yesterday

"I’m fine, I’m fine,"
It’s all she can say
Doesn’t matter who asked
No one cares anyway
But just this once
He wants her to be okay
He called but there was no reply
Said he would wait
Until she stopped wanting to die
Something felt strange
He didn’t quite know why 

Good thing he never saw

The tear in the corner of her eye

Author's Note

Ignore any spelling errors I may have overlooked.

Usure about my paragraphing, any opinions?

Reviews

[Rachel Anderson]

This is wonderfully written in my opinion. The ending has a kind of foreboding, like there is something the man in the poem doesn't know. I like how it's left to our imaginations to find what she does next.
As for paragraphing and such, it's not bad. Every poem is different, you just have to feel it out.
This reminds me of my writing when I first started, actually. If you use punctuation, people tend to ride the flow better. (Learned from experience.)
All in all, great job!

[Jaisey Dawn]

Thanks for the advice :) I'll try using punctutation, though I do tend to overuse commas and such which is why I left it out when I wrote this one. Trying my best to improve that so I'll have a go. Thanks again!

[Rachel Anderson]

Think about how a full sentence would look if they weren't separated into lines. This is the advice someone else gave me. I think punctuation is the only thing I've perfected in my poems, haha! Anyway, good luck! :)

[zainul]

Lovely piece

[Jaisey Dawn]

Thank you! :)

[zainul]

You are most welcome :)

[Rika]

Very nice, you exspressd your feelings nicely. There's nothing that I see is wrong with this piece. Very nice wright, keep on wrighting.

-GDM

[Jaisey Dawn]

Thank you so much!

[Holly Mason]

it is interesting to read
it actually has good content and a nice writing flow to it
I like the fact that she thinks no one cares but he does it is a different take on this kind of write
I am not one to share my opinion much I only look at content but as a reviewer I have options this is not a paid position-
I would change the title it has been overplayed search for a title that grabs your readers this is a good piece of writing but it is a topic written about quite often
grab the reader keep the reader let the reader leave reflecting on your words
thank you I enjoyed this much