Dear Childhood Crush

Dear Childhood Crush

A Story by Jansen Duncan
"

I don't wanna go down Any other road now I don't want to love Nobody but you

"
Dear Childhood Crush, 
As we've grown, our lives together has had many twists, turns, and we've fallen off the tracks, and made our way back. We are nowhere near the normal "girl next door" love story. We are much like a living room light switch. Many times on, often times off, but always there, and it's never gone. We are a story of our own. Clearly I'm not writing a letter to my celebrity crush, or to my older sisters "hot friends". No, this is to you. This is to us. 
When we first met, you were hard to read. Not that you're easy to read now, by any means, but it was the mystery that I loved to chase. I never told our friends that I wanted you, but if it wasn't obvious to them, then they're as oblivious as you were to my flirting. My younger self knew that you wouldn't give me the time of day. You watched me fight for your attention like a needy dog. Excited, acting crazy, and running wild. Although I knew I didn't have a chance, I never quite let go of that feeling. It wasn't necessarily a feeling of hope, but it was simply a risky act of never letting go of that need. You. When we were younger, I could memorize the freckles across your face. When we were younger, I could see the genuity in every smile as you laughed. When we were younger, life in the future didn't seem fun without you. The future looked dark without you, not a good dark; like the tone of your skin in the summertime. It's a scary dark, like the inside of eye lids in a coma. 
As we got older, we took very separate paths. We were so divided that we didn't know who each other were, I don't even think we knew who we were ourselves. In my sight, you were still the same girl that I saw at church camp. A saint, who came to brighten my every day. My house was only a block away from yours, but there was more distance than physical.  I'd hear from you on occasion, but I didn't get that joy often. Much like my phone on those occasional times you'd call, my face would light up with your name written all over it.  My heart would seemingly vibrate out of control, I didn't have a special ringtone for you, but what I heard was something special. What I heard was my life calling out. My calling. 
I guess, unknowingly, one of those calls would be the last I would hear from you for a couple of years. I saw you at school, the same hallways, the same lunch room, still the same girl I'd met a couple years ago. I may have seen you, but I couldn't see who you were. Still, through all of my girlfriends, and all of your boyfriends, I was still so intrigued by you. Fascinated by everything about you. Nobody could see it anymore, not you, not our friends. Just me. I still seen it. 
There is nothing like love. It's unexplainable, and incomparable to anything in this world. We reconnected in the same way that the ocean hits the sea shore at high tide. The slightest touch would make our hearts jump, and the simplest phrases would give us butterflies. Love is frightening, but we felt it, and we fell into it, and we embraced it. The flowers bloomed, the leaves were green and my world came to alive. My favorite songs can't explain how I feel about you, my words can't express it, nor can any earthly thing. We created something emotional, something spiritual. Each sunrise I think of you, and each sunset I pray for you. You're like experiencing a view of the mountains and the ocean in the same location. Undeniably, amazing. 
I love our memories, I love our dreams, I love our passion, and I love you. 
It's everything about us. The way we dance like the flow of a boat, or the way we speak like the wind through trees. There's no doubt we are mean't to be. The way your mind works, and the way you express your heart. It's all so precious to me. We are still growing into who we want to be, and I don't want to grow at all if it isn't growing with you. Still, when I look at you I memorize the freckles across your face. Still, I see the genuity in your smile as you laugh at me. And if I have to imagine a future without you, it will be so dark.
Here we are, out in the real world, together. Grown. It's hard to believe that at one time, we were just a couple of friends with a little crush mixed in. We went through pain, we went through joy, we went through loneliness, and we went through fear and more, but now that we've made it here, you and I, I've come to the realization that you are more than a childhood crush, but a life-long love.

© 2020 Jansen Duncan


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Added on June 1, 2020
Last Updated on June 2, 2020
Tags: Love, Children, Childhood, Romance, Crush, Life, Living