Two Things

Two Things

A Poem by The Rose That Grew From Concrete

When ever I get my head down about my situation

I remember the words that were told to me when i was young

In this world only two things are free

Only two things are ever garented to you by god

Freedom and liberty? your suggest.

Wrong the two things are given to you by your mother

The first will follow you till the day that you die so don't ruin it

The second is the most presious substance in the world so don't waste it.

The two things are all anyone anywere is garented and i mean

Your name and the air you breath

© 2008 The Rose That Grew From Concrete


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I really love the idea you have here. It is true that many things in your life don't solely belong to you and it is hard to find anything that is only yours. Even happiness is shared and sometimes even your organs, haha. I really like the two things that you worked up to. Your whole poem really leads up to the ending and I think you did a great job of ending it.

"when i was young" --- I.

"ever garented to you by god" --- guaranteed. God.

"your suggest." --- You might want to think about rewording this. It doesn't make much sense. Maybe, "Are
these your suggestions?"

"Wrong the two things" --- Comma or a period after wrong.

"that you die so don't ruin it" --- Comma after die.

"presious substance in the world so don't" --- precious and a comma after world.

" is garented and i mean" --- guaranteed and try "and what I mean is" or something like it.

"air you breath" --- breathe.

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I really love the idea you have here. It is true that many things in your life don't solely belong to you and it is hard to find anything that is only yours. Even happiness is shared and sometimes even your organs, haha. I really like the two things that you worked up to. Your whole poem really leads up to the ending and I think you did a great job of ending it.

"when i was young" --- I.

"ever garented to you by god" --- guaranteed. God.

"your suggest." --- You might want to think about rewording this. It doesn't make much sense. Maybe, "Are
these your suggestions?"

"Wrong the two things" --- Comma or a period after wrong.

"that you die so don't ruin it" --- Comma after die.

"presious substance in the world so don't" --- precious and a comma after world.

" is garented and i mean" --- guaranteed and try "and what I mean is" or something like it.

"air you breath" --- breathe.

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I'm sure you would have people think of two different words, but I like your confident style. I really think yours is a voice that will become more refined as you age. Much potential. Rain..

Posted 14 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.


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Added on April 10, 2008

Author

The Rose That Grew From Concrete
The Rose That Grew From Concrete

Fort Smith, AR



About
My Name is Jason X and I'm a 17 year old guy born and raise in Fort Smith, Arkansas. I have a very imaginative and revolutionary mind. Please Comment more..

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