Key

Key

 

I sit in the park on a small grassy hill to bind myself.

The roots of the large oak whisper failed vows lost in the wind.

I am entranced by the obscure heavens above,

deciphering my bleak yet severe surroundings.

 

I hear children laughing, but  i do not laugh with them.

I see families walk hand in hand, but i do not walk with them.

 

My portrait is a kaleidoscope of shattered beauty,

forever changing the same colors: yellow, red, green, blue.

We are green with envy.

 

Green is the earth beneath our striding limbs,

the color upon which we thrive.

i am blue.

 

I lull in a ring of fire, loathing the idea of escape.

To step out means to be nude, cold, and vulnerable.

I am not complete.

 

My heart slowly pumps blood with the beat of sound.

Music drips through my fingertips onto the empty ground,

leaving a permanent lullaby.

 

To touch me means to leave me.

To see me means to be me.

To love me means to free me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

I would appreciate your honest opinions, suggestions? errors?

Reviews

[Travis Lawrence]

Wow, this is great! Really, don't change much, I certainly wouldn't touch it.

"My heart slowly pumps blood with the beat of sound.
Music drips through my fingertips onto the empty ground,
leaving a permanent lullaby."

Personally, my favorite stanza. I wish I were in a mood of explanation, but I really am sort of brain dead at the moment. I do know, though, that this is quality poetry. Thanks for the friend request, and please, send me read requests whenever you feel like.

Have a nice day!

-Travis

[SM Davis]

THIS IS PERFECT! Your imagery is sublime....and the "feel" of the character shines through. There is a longing...but it is almost matter of fact...a sort of literal objectivity. FANTASTIC! 100 daisies!

[[untitled]]

I think this poem is awsome - it has touch a part of me - and that's all we can ask a poem written to do is touch us in any way

My favorite lines are

"To touch me means to leave me.
To see me means to be me.
To love me means to free me."

[Y. Counts]

Hmmm....this is a very poingant image of someone who is among people, but not with them really. A feeling of being earthbound, aching to be truly seen by someone.
"My heart slowly pumps blood with the beat of sound,
Music drips from my fingertips onto the empty ground,
leaving a permanent lullaby."
This is quite a moment--- not so much of loneliness, but of the deepness of being. I really enjoyed it!

[Markus]

"I lull in a ring of fire, loathing the idea of escape."

For some reason I can totally relate with this line. Excellent writing. As a matter of fact, I relate with that at this very moment even!" That makes the poem so much more special, in my humble opinion at least. Some of your lines really set the mood. LOVE IT!

[RaZiTheGreat]

Amazing. I love the way you word the one verse: "My portrait is a kaleidoscope of shattered beauty,
forever changing the same colors: yellow, red, green, blue.We are green with envy."

If I may make one suggestion...not that I really think it needs it because I think it was intentional, but maybe don't say that you are all one color twice, and have it be one color, and then change the color the third time. You say we are green I am blue. It has a nice fee to how it sounds but it's sort of contradictory.

O ver all though I think it's really REALLY good :-)

[Your Tasty Field Adviso..]

its a great piece of work. i love it. i like how it flows from my toungue like water. great write.

[Rosary]

like this one too danm your a good writer
have you ever thought of making this into a song tho
just a thought

[BLFK]

A beautifully written poem! It's very creative. Excellent.

BLFK

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

This stanza is a favorite:
My portrait is a kaleidoscope of shattered beauty,
forever changing the same colors: yellow, red, green, blue.
We are green with envy.

This is amazing, I wouldn't change a thing. A very descriptive well thought out piece. Great Write.

[Morgan Ashire]

It hurts to read. Amazing. I don't even know how to describe what my response was. No words in this vast language can quell the turmoil that this piece has set ablaze in my body. Every inch of me hurts, but is hurting for her. Every inch of me aches, as though I can take away her pain. To let her know that she's loved, to let her know that she's wanted, to let her know that we're there. She prays to be found. She prays to be saved. She prays to be loved. She prays to be free of the sin she has not committed. She prays to be a savior. But the blackness answers the prayers of no one.