Starting To End

Starting To End

A Poem by Nyanachi

So small, So tired,

I am the empty

And drown into lifeless water.

Sweating only to float in the tide,

Life carries me into age.


My eyes droop,

Letting the fire smoke dead.

I think only to lose my head.

I breathe only to freeze.

I start only to cease.

© 2015 Nyanachi


Author's Note

Nyanachi
What do you think about the cycle of start and end/life and death? How can I improve or what made this a good write?

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

Very philosophical and so interesting. It truly speaks out to you and question the meaning of it all. I suggest increasing the length by a two or three stanza and express the comparison of the two subjects in either physical or emotional connection to each other.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nyanachi

6 Years Ago

Thank you so much for not only a kind opinion but advice - it helps a lot



Reviews

I really love that last line. If you're doing the cycle of life and death I feel like you need another stanza or two on the strength of youth and the steadiness of middle age. I feel like the first stanza captures the despair and decline of old age as physical and mental power fades and we shrink into ourselves.

Posted 5 Years Ago


Nyanachi

5 Years Ago

Thank you and yeah i wasn't really speaking of life and death like most of my readers seem to unders.. read more
Is there no no opportunity to extend life by any measure of time by struggling a bit? It seems you write it as it is a forgone conclusion that death is imminent Correct? If so, explain to the reader on that it is a forgone conclusion and death is imminent.


Posted 6 Years Ago


Very philosophical and so interesting. It truly speaks out to you and question the meaning of it all. I suggest increasing the length by a two or three stanza and express the comparison of the two subjects in either physical or emotional connection to each other.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nyanachi

6 Years Ago

Thank you so much for not only a kind opinion but advice - it helps a lot
You have become quite a nice writer, Jackie. This one is worded very nicely.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nyanachi

6 Years Ago

Aw thank you so much! :) Its good to hear from you again
"I think only to lose my head.

I breathe only to freeze.

I start only to cease."

A good poem. Thank you for sharing with us...:)..........................

Posted 6 Years Ago


Nyanachi

6 Years Ago

Thanks for reading
Sami Khalil

6 Years Ago

You are welcome...:).................
Amazing poem! Makes me feel a little old but such is the cycle of life. We will all start to cease eventually but life is to short, the tides of the ocean pushes us too far into age :/

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nyanachi

6 Years Ago

>_< yeah life does go too fast...and thank you so much! :)
Such a honest tone to the poem.
"I am the empty
And drown into lifeless water.
Sweating only to float in the tide,
Life carries me into age."
Old wisdom stated. We kill off the dreams of youth and become old. I liked how you described the cycle of life. The poem is alright as is. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nyanachi

6 Years Ago

Thank you! x) yeah it is I with definitely old wisdom. I was inspired by Faust's Mephisto..or the de.. read more
Coyote Poetry

6 Years Ago

Old wisdom don't change and is good knowledge. And you are welcome.
I really like this Jellycat but what is ending?

Posted 6 Years Ago


Nyanachi

6 Years Ago

its philosophical roy :)
The title is a perfect fit for message,
I can feel the end nearing because of wording!
Nice flowing write, thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nyanachi

6 Years Ago

thank you so much :)

Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

441 Views
9 Reviews
Rating
Added on March 16, 2015
Last Updated on March 16, 2015
Tags: cycle, nature, life, death, course, start, end, process, discourage, lifelessness, imagery, simile, allusion.

Author

Nyanachi
Nyanachi

About
I write for myself, without filters. I don't write for the single purpose of being understood or getting approval, its more of an explorative playground for myself. About the name: Jelly-(fish) i.. more..

Writing

Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..


~ Mirrored ~ Mirrored

A Poem by


UNTIL UNTIL

A Poem by Anita Singh