Fairy-tale Ending

Fairy-tale Ending

A Poem by Jem Sagcal
"

I wrote you a verse, and hoped to have immortalize you with words.

"
Every line has an untold fairytale
Each space has an unsaid word
The secret of an eventful story
The silence of our entangled world

I remember the flowers and the sky
The birds that sing tuneful lullabys
I remember the smile you smiled that night
Then cloud nine, my heart could fly

And the unexpected crept into my mind
A poet may have risen that night

So, I'll write you a verse
Immortalize you with words
Fill the empty spaces,
The hidden lines,
The love song in reverse
You will be the memory
The factual fairytale ending

The romantic note that came to life
An inspiration that took time
From every note the lullaby declares
I will love you, this I swear

© 2013 Jem Sagcal


Author's Note

Jem Sagcal
Simple things

I'm unsure of the words, 'cause it might not speak the message that I'm trying to convey or if it's alright the way it is.

So, yeah, feedback would be nice! Be it positive or negative, I'd love to improve on it if it deems necessary.

Thank you!

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Featured Review

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Pax
The first stanza takes us into an introduction of somewhat an epic romance building up…

The second stanza takes us into a first meeting of flying hearts… the smile that captured the heart of the narrator…

The third stanza takes us to an rising poet that sings the tune of his/her heart…

The fourth stanza, my favorite part… though quite sad… but truly conveyed in such emotional verse that sings the tune of the narrator’s heart…

The last stanza, love and its inspiration sings its harmonic music…. Like romances is in the air… a strong ending…
Great work kabayan…


Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Jem Sagcal

8 Years Ago

Thank you for your detailed review on each stanza, Kuya! I had hoped that those exact thoughts would.. read more
Pax

8 Years Ago

if you let that person read this... a lovely thought will come to mind, just depends how the two of .. read more



Reviews

Such so romantic and inspiring piece, lovely indeed and well poetized.

Posted 7 Years Ago


BEAUTIFUL!!!! Loved it, so much emotion and power behind each stanza!!

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Jem Sagcal

8 Years Ago

Thanks!
"The romantic note that came to life
An inspiration that took time
From every note the lullaby declares
I will love you, this I swear."

A nice poem! Very romantic.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Jem Sagcal

8 Years Ago

Thank you so much!
don't worry, it speaks loudly what you are trying to convey. every sound is a symphony when you have a memory such as this to embrace. lovely.....

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Jem Sagcal

8 Years Ago

I'm glad that it does, thank you!
[send message][befriend] Subscribe
Pax
The first stanza takes us into an introduction of somewhat an epic romance building up…

The second stanza takes us into a first meeting of flying hearts… the smile that captured the heart of the narrator…

The third stanza takes us to an rising poet that sings the tune of his/her heart…

The fourth stanza, my favorite part… though quite sad… but truly conveyed in such emotional verse that sings the tune of the narrator’s heart…

The last stanza, love and its inspiration sings its harmonic music…. Like romances is in the air… a strong ending…
Great work kabayan…


Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Jem Sagcal

8 Years Ago

Thank you for your detailed review on each stanza, Kuya! I had hoped that those exact thoughts would.. read more
Pax

8 Years Ago

if you let that person read this... a lovely thought will come to mind, just depends how the two of .. read more
Simple yet beautifully and considerably written. Your thoughts are well spread and sounded romantic (:

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Jem Sagcal

8 Years Ago

Thank you so much!
Rhianne Ney

8 Years Ago

You're welcome (:
Dear Jem

Yes simple things bound up in simple language.

But more for that reason than less, very touching.

Style: I like the way you shift from unfilled spaces to filling them in; untold story to the telling of it; fairy tale unrealised to realised.

Form: I would have preferred that you measure the length of each stanza into say four lines, or any other number you choose. As with songs, you might vary the theme by having equally numbered (in terms of lines) stanzas with a shorter or longer chorus or one which sticks out by difference and is meant to mark.

I assure you this is a little thing and I am sure you could fiddle around with it to give it a tiny bit more impact in form.

Content: Love story. End of the rainbow. Pot of Gold. It is the simplicity of love. Maybe even first. And it is the more powerful for it.

I do like this piece of writing.

I applaud it from one so young as you. Apologies for ageism but it is my fault to be 53 and not yours to be 18.

Keep writing.

You have a good thing going here.

Let us read more.

It would be my pleasure.

With my warmest regards

James

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Jem Sagcal

8 Years Ago

Sir James,

I truly appreciate your detailed review! I have never read a incredibly cons.. read more
James Hanna-Magill

8 Years Ago

Dear Jem

I assure you the pleasure has been all mine.

I find it unsatisfac.. read more
I love the way every love story has this amazing fairy tale side, thank you for sharing, it's a great piece!

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Jem Sagcal

8 Years Ago

Yes, I'd like to think that true love do have their fairy tale sides. Thank you so much for your rev.. read more
Areeba

8 Years Ago

Welcome^^
This is very nice. I like the last paragraph the best. We can feel the love brimming. Nice job.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Jem Sagcal

8 Years Ago

I hoped for the last paragraph to make an impact. Thank you!

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803 Views
9 Reviews
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Shelved in 1 Library
Added on March 26, 2013
Last Updated on March 27, 2013
Tags: Love, Fairy Tale, Poem, Lyrics, Romance

Author

Jem Sagcal
Jem Sagcal

Paranaque, NCR, Philippines



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