The Veil

Strike me once
Strike me twice
Lightening strike my heart with ice

Numb my soul
Thaw my mind
Free me from this cage I climb

And if you shall catch me
The day my soul falls
Promise me you'll wrap me up in lace
Make pretty my flaws

I tried to see forever
But today was all my life gave
Now I'm lost in the forest
Mankind's darkness made

Comfort greets death
As does my dreams
Forever spiraling
In all that seems

Reviews

[H McG]

I absolutely love the imagery, especially in the third and fifth stanzas. The end was also particularly striking: "Forever spiraling/In all that seems" I love the image that this creates in my mind. The general rhyme scheme and structure also gives it a really nice flow, and makes it a pleasure to read. Fantastic work!

[Christopher Robin]

Amazing introduction, hits the reader head on looking for more, sadly from there the cadence falls completely away from an amazing idea.

Intricate synonyms
Hinder deliverance
Taking away and betraying the brilliance.
A thrilling beginning
Was given to millions
Break it and make it a way to be diligent.

-Robin

[Mikel]

I especially liked the fourth stanza.

[The Twin Arenas]

the third stanza is a dark green. it's where I spent most of my time here.