Fallen into the darkness!

another dark poem I wrote

  first version 

       I have fallen into the darkness,

My eye's are open wide,

I lurk the night,

Seeking souls to steal,

I want to feast upon their blood,

The human souls must be mine,

I'm a goddess,

The most beautiful of them all,

The Queen,

I'm a vampire of the night,

And I will take your soul,

I will feast upon your blood,

I've come so far and wide,

That I'm so hungry I can not bare to wait no more,

I must feast upon your blood,

Maybe I'll spare your soul,

Or will I?

I want to make you mine,

Please come with me,

Sway the night sky with me,

I'm seeking a king,

A king loyal and kind,

Will you follow?

Feast upon the night,

OH how much I love you,

You must be mine,

Let's feast upon them all.

   second version 

 fallen into the darkness

 

 fallen into the darkness, 

my eyes have opened wide, 

i lurk the night, 

seeking souls to steal, 

kill, 

and destroy, 

feasting upon the human soul, 

i am a goddess, 

the most beautiful of them all, 

the queen, 

i'm a vampire of the night, 

and i will steal your soul, 

i will feast upon your blood, 

i've come so far and wide, 

that i'm so hungry i can not have to wait anymore, 

i need to feast upon your blood, 

maybe i'll spare your soul, 

or will i? 

i want to make you mine, 

please come along with me, 

sway in the night sky with me, 

i'm seeking a king, 

a loyal master will you follow? 

or will you die? 

feast upon the night with me, 

you must be mine, 

let's feast upon them all

Author's Note

let me know if you like the first version or the second version better

Reviews

[Laura Lynn]

wow, you are a queen, but I am a servant alas tonight and I can only worship so many queens, but if I could adopt this queenliness in a good way, you have such a vibrant spirit to rule the day like this, I rue the day I could not be a ruler of this way of writing that breaks our weapons in two or beats them into ploughshares

[TPK Stories]

A very entrancing poem, lures you into feasting upon human blood....well written.....

[Inda]

ohh, i like this one a lot, there's more of a story here, so it is engaging and i feel like i go on a jorney and of course in the end i am pumped up and ready to go feast!

[Nitesh Mahabal]

Ur Imaginations were so clear, neatly described well done Maam

[Azure]

ooh another vamp one i love it, have you ever thought about writing a collection of poems that forms a story?

[jennifer little]

ive thought of it .. thanks for reviewing my poem

[Coyote Poetry]

Very nice. I like the drive and the energy of the poetry. I like the want to know the night and swim in blood. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[R Smith]

exciting stuff Jen but i think i'll stay here and read your work rather than be a part of it lol, more excellent writing, well done :)

[Sindu]

A passionate read!

[Jamie]

A very elegant poem a pleasure to read as always :)

[hardeep sabharwal]

Very beautifully painted a picture, I enjoyed this much,
thankyou for sharing