Why am I still holding on?

just something out of my thoughts . i made a second version let me know if you like the first version or second better

first version 

Why can't I get you outta my head? 
Why am I still holding on?
All that I been through, 
I still hold on, 
Why cant I stop thinking of you?
Why can't I stop?
Wondering why? 
Why cant I move on? 
Oh why can't I stop thinking of you, 
Why cant I just move on? 
Why cant I get you outta my head? 
Cant seem to understand ?
Why ?
I'm asking why? 
All these years have pasted by, 
And I still cant get you outta my head, 
Why am I still holding on?
Why cant I just let you go?
I know there was some kind of connection 
I know that’s how I feel, 
But why cant I just move on?

      second version 

    why am i still holding on? 

     why cant i get you outta my head, 

why a i still holding on? 

all that i have been through, 

i still hold on, 

why cant i stop loving you, 

cant get you outta my head, 

why cant i stop? 

wondering why, 

why cant i move on? 

oh why cant i just get you outta my head, 

cant seem to understand, 

why, 

i'm asking why, 

tormented soul, 

haunted by her past, 

why cant i just let you go, 

i know there was some kind of connection, 

i know that's how i feel, 

but why cant i just move on

Reviews

[mnicorata]

I always believed in the heart wants what it wants, and even though we cannot have someone that touches our heart, it still leaves wanting more and up in our ahead of what could have been. This poem conveys this message perfectly and it was nicely written.

[LadyNaida]

It's really hard to envision yourself without that special someone by your side after sharing what seems like a lifetime. They leave a mark in the chambers of your heart and they're not easy to get rid of.

[TPK Stories]

Great read. Keep up the great work.

[Chris]

We don't choose whom we love - just whom we like. Part of living with a person is us tying that person to so much that is physically, mentally, and emotionally present IN our lives. Music, movies, food, scents, places, sights, even other people...

[Peter Rogerson]

Good. My suggestion is to find a melody and use it as the basis of a decent song. Songs can be repetitiou whereas poetry is open to adverse criticism if it is.

[Ren Nightshade]

I know exactly where you are coming from. It doesn't all have to be about romance either. I have thoughts like this over the smallest of things that bother me. It never goes away...it just floats to the back of my already too full mind until it has a little space to squeeze in again.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

I agree with others that the repitition is a little overused and perhaps 'lazy'. I think it works to some degree because the protagonist is ruminating over and over and is obviously consumed with this broken love affair, but less is sometimes more.

[barleygirl]

Your poem sounds a little repetitive to me, but I can see how that makes your message sound the way it really does sound inside the head of a person obsessing about another person. You've gotten the idea of it across, as well as the feeling of how it can be. This message could be strengthened, if the narrator could also add some lines to show how she has tried to move on. This message is a little "one note" over & over. If you interjected some bits of fresh perspective, it would balance out the pleading repetitive tone. Details often make writing more vivid. "Holding on" is a generalization. You could SHOW this & make it more intense . . . what does "Holding on" look like? What has this person tried to do, to get over the guy, but not succeeding, how does that look? What does she do when she fails to try getting on a new direction? These are the kinds of thoughts that could deepen a message like this. I offer ideas for you to think about in the future, I'm not suggesting that you change this poem all around. Nobody likes doing that. We move forward, learning & growing. That's how I offer some future possibilities (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Coyote Poetry]

Nice flow of thought. Had the feel of a song. You made the reader feel the emotions. Thank you Jennifer for sharing your amazing poetry and your thoughts.
Coyote

[wordman]

i guess a loss of true love is hard to swallow