My Ultimate Obstacle

you've heard me talk about my depression. here's what happened. at least an overview anyway

 

My Obstacle of Darkness

 

            Millions of teens fall into depression every year. About 20 percent of all teens will experience depression before reaching the age of adulthood. I became a part of that 20 percent in March 2007.

            Before I divulge any further, it is imperative to understand who I am. I am the Christian girl, the one who encourages people and helps to solve their problems. I'm the one who people come to for advice, ready to give out prayer and a bible verse for those in need. My friends look to me to be their leader, to tell them that with God, anything is possible. I am everyone’s example.

            In March 2007, I began to descend into a depression that I did not know would ultimately affect my entire life. Slowly, things about me began to change. My optimism began to dissolve and pessimism took its place. I started writing about death and sadness in poems and books. In fact, I started writing a book called What Happens When Your Life Falls Apart, about a teenage girl who gets raped by her boyfriend and starts cutting herself. That was something in which a few years ago, the thought of writing that type of book never crossed my mind. The music I listened to was evolving as well. My music tastes changed from loving girly pop, to loving screamo music that talked about pain and death. While it’s natural for me to change my tastes, something about it felt unnatural. Step by step, I was sinking into a darkness that would cause me to lose everything I believed in.

            After the summer of 2007, things in my life definitely began to change. I didn’t really care. I embraced it. I stopped spending time with my family and spent more time in my room, listening to my music. That’s when things worsened. Situations that weren’t ever in my life suddenly fabricated before my eyes. People’s pain overwhelmed me and became my pain. I wrote in my book of people dying and of my main character cutting. My mind began to wonder. I began feeling more and more depressed and further and further away from God. I would go to church and sing the songs, not even believing anything I was singing. I started thinking about suicide and what life would be without me. Before I knew it, I was slightly suicidal and couldn’t get out. I cannot begin to tell how many church services I spent crying at the altar, begging God to help me out. Each time I uttered a prayer, all I would receive was silence resounding in my ear. But I went on pretending everything was all right, hoping the next day would be my turnaround. I was alone and I accepted it wholeheartedly.

            During March of 2008, it all changed. I went to a camp at my church over spring break. I think it was the last night of service when my altar call came. One of the pastors called for people who were dealing with suicide and depression to come for prayer. By then, I was on the verge of dying and had actually attempted to hurt myself. I knew that if I didn’t go up there, I would not live to see my next birthday. That night, the depression was over.

            My depression was the most terrifying and dangerous obstacle I ever had to overcome. Honestly, I haven’t fully recovered from it and it’s been six months. But even though I went through such pain, I would be lying if I said nothing good came from it. Because of the lasting impact it will have on me for the rest of my life, I am now able to help others I know suffering from the same thing. I know that no matter what, my life is valuable to God and my loved ones. I also learned that even though it took a year to overcome it, it was still overcome. Now, I have the faith to build people up and to tell them to never give up hope. I look at it this way: no matter what situation or problem you are in, one day you will not be dealing with it. It may take a year, five years, or ten years. If you have the hope, you will have the faith that your breakthrough is right around the corner.

 

Author's Note

this is for school, so that's why it sounds all formal and crap

Reviews

[Rico Suave]

(even with the formal crap) THATS WHAT I LIKE TO HEAR! ^_^ I may not completely believe in God yet but one thing I'll always believe in is that you should live for others, not yourself. And no depression lasts forever.

[UpComesDown]

i seeeee...