falling

falling

A Poem by jex

I watch the leaves burning and I see you cry,
Buildings fall and people hide,
I’m stuck between choices I’ll regret and beliefs I’m forced to choose

The leaves burn but the tears stop,
You’re gone

A year passes,
I watch as the buildings are rebuilt and everything is fixed,
The only thing I stay for has long since died away
A candle that finally flickered out
Your candle flickered out

Everything is different,
I see so many changes in a world I once knew

Everything I knew has since gone,
Slowly falling away

© 2009 jex


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Featured Review

This is a good piece. But I feel something lacking.
I think its the ending. Its ends too soon.

What if you did something else, like made it seem like the person 'speaking' the poem realize that someday he/she will fade away slowly, or their candle will flicker off too.

Perhaps it will also help so describe some of the changes, like you did in the start of it. The buildings, leaves, 'you, and the choices. Those four things really stand out to me in your poem, it would be really neat if you had them appear like 3 or four times consistently in the poem to really make your point. It would make an awesome poem!

Good luck with it!!!

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

So much pain. It makes me feel like I should be crying. Striking wording filled with emotion. Awesome write!

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is a good piece. But I feel something lacking.
I think its the ending. Its ends too soon.

What if you did something else, like made it seem like the person 'speaking' the poem realize that someday he/she will fade away slowly, or their candle will flicker off too.

Perhaps it will also help so describe some of the changes, like you did in the start of it. The buildings, leaves, 'you, and the choices. Those four things really stand out to me in your poem, it would be really neat if you had them appear like 3 or four times consistently in the poem to really make your point. It would make an awesome poem!

Good luck with it!!!

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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Jo
Great emotion, good flow. I like it.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Great piece of writing. Strong and striking images abound. Emotion drips from every word. I truly felt it .
Just Me.
Captain Ugly.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

wow, Joseph, this is a stunning and poignant piece that makes me actually want to give you a hug

It is filled with great imagery and I can see the pain and longing

Excellent work

Michael

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on October 24, 2008
Last Updated on February 4, 2009

Author

jex
jex

Canada



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